put him in panties

Chapter 6: The Submissive Crossdresser

We've already touched on the subject of crossdressing a number of times during the course of this book - indeed, it's difficult to discuss erotic feminization, lingerie discipline and lingerie punishment without doing so, since all rely on the unique power that women's underwear has over a man. Given the intimate connotations of such garments, it's not surprising that a man might get turned on by wearing them, especially when encouraged to do so in a sexual context - that, after all, is the principle that erotic feminization is founded on. Even a man who has never considered lingerie as anything other than an adornment for his wife's body is still likely to find himself aroused when she encourages him to wear it in the bedroom for her, thanks to the intimate circumstances in which he is presented with it - a naughty extension of their bedroom games.

Nevertheless, there are some men whose attachment to women's clothing goes much deeper than simply being prepared to fool around in it at their wife's suggestion, actively seeking out the pleasures that come from wearing such attire on their own, without any need for encouragement from others. Like any other area of human activity, men who crossdress come in all shapes and sizes, and their motivations and interests vary wildly. There are those who only wish to dress up when the mood takes them and others who want to do so all the time. Some enjoy wearing the full range of women's clothing, whereas others restrict themselves to a more limited wardrobe, perhaps even a specific type of garment. Not all crossdressers are sexually aroused by their crossdressing - although for some, getting off is the primary purpose of dressing up, others do so simply as a means of relaxation or escape from the stresses of everyday life.

Given this diversity, it's wrong to assume that all crossdressers must fit the tired old cliché of the tarty transvestite cruising sleazy gay bars for tawdry encounters, dressed in trashy clothing that would put a prostitute to shame. Such an unrealistic stereotype encompasses only the tiniest fraction of those men who enjoy wearing women's clothing, with the vast majority of crossdressers being completely different. While some are indeed attracted to men, most are as heterosexual as any other man, not to mention just as manly for the most part. You don't see them because they don't go out dressed as women, preferring the privacy of their own homes to any kind of public arena for what is often a very intimate and personal affair - even if slutty outfits are involved! Sadly, that leaves the floor open for the more outrageous, exhibitionist minority to set public perceptions as to what the average crossdresser must be like - even if the transvestites one encounters in public are by definition more brazen.

It's vital to bear this in mind should your husband show crossdressing tendencies himself, and not jump to the wrong conclusions about what his desire to dress up must mean. Wanting to wear women's clothing doesn't mean that he wants to become a woman, nor does it say anything untoward about his sexuality. It most certainly doesn't affect his love for you - although you may discover aspects of your husband's personality that you weren't previously aware of as a result of exploring his desires, everything that's important will remain the same. That's not to say that learning that your husband is a crossdresser is something that you can be expected to shrug off lightly - far from it. Like all such profound revelations, it will take time to fully come to terms with what it means, and just as importantly, what it doesn't mean for you and your relationship. Nevertheless, being able to accept your husband's desires, albeit on your own terms, will bring you closer together as a result.

Wanting to wear lingerie for sexual purposes is one thing, but you may have a hard time understanding why your husband might want you to practise lingerie discipline or even lingerie punishment on him. If you're reading this book at his suggestion, you may be wondering why he's so keen for you to adopt practices that, on the face of it, offer little in the way of pleasure for him. While you might understand how he could be persuaded to submit to discipline and punishment at your suggestion, perhaps as an extension of wearing lingerie in the bedroom, why on earth would any man actively volunteer for such treatment?

Quite apart from the more subtle benefits of lingerie discipline and lingerie punishment that we mentioned in previous chapters, the boost to willpower and the ability to atone for letting you down, many crossdressers have other, less obvious motivations for wanting to submit to the power of women's underwear. To fully appreciate this, it's necessary to have a deeper understanding of where such men are coming from, something we'll turn to shortly. In doing so, you may gain insights regarding his needs and desires that even your husband is unaware of, knowledge that can be put to good use when employed for the benefit of you and your relationship. It's far from being a one-sided thing - no matter what his motivations are for submitting to them, lingerie discipline and punishment are just as effective when it comes to achieving what you want from him!

If your husband shows no inclination towards wearing women's clothing of his own accord, you need not worry too much about the contents of this chapter, even if dressing up in the bedroom proves to be rather exciting for him. While practising erotic feminization may awaken dormant tendencies or reveal hidden aspects of your husband, it won't turn him into a crossdresser of the kind we'll be discussing here. Although you may find some of the following of interest, not least in providing context to stories and accounts of others that you may stumble upon online, you can safely skip this chapter if you prefer. It's only if your husband actively wants to dress up that this is relevant.

It's worth noting that confiding such a personal and potentially explosive secret with his wife takes an awful lot of courage on a man's part, given how disastrously such a revelation could turn out for him. Small wonder, therefore, that many men find it difficult to do so, instead hoping that their wives will somehow figure things out of their own accord - something that often proves highly frustrating or ends in disaster when they're caught wearing her panties behind her back. Erotic feminization provides a far easier avenue for a man to disclose this most intimate of secrets, however hesitantly or partially, but that doesn't mean that his wife can't also benefit from it - as we'll see shortly, even crossdressers aren't immune to the power of lingerie discipline.

Guilt and the submissive crossdresser

It's impossible to pigeonhole all crossdressers into neat, easy categories - there are always going to be exceptions to any rule. Nevertheless, it's still possible to make generalisations that apply to a significant proportion of men who wear women's clothing of their own accord, especially those who express an interest in erotic feminization and lingerie discipline. If your husband has broached the subject with you by suggesting you read this book, the chances are that he broadly fits the description we're about to paint of the submissive crossdresser - one who gains sexual satisfaction from wearing women's clothing, especially lingerie, but also finds that doing so allows him to express a more submissive, feminine side of his personality, providing a means to relax away from the trials and tribulations of his regular life.

That's not to say that all crossdressers fit this mould, of course. There are more dominant transvestites who adopt a persona that's anything but submissive when they dress up, with their attire both reflecting this and empowering them, not unlike a traditional dominatrix. Then there are those who should more accurately be referred to as transsexuals - individuals who identify as women and wish to live as one full time, often going so far as to have surgical procedures to change their gender. Such distinctions are critical but easily blurred in the popular consciousness where one man dressed as a woman is pretty much the same as any other - regardless of whether he does so merely for erotic titillation, as a brief escape from everyday life, or as a complete lifestyle change. This confusion often extends to the man in question, adding additional difficulties to coming to terms with his feelings on the matter - feelings that may be complicated enough already without any additional pressure.

Although there's nothing wrong with a man wearing women's clothing provided that no-one else is hurt by him doing so, many men still harbour a strong sense of guilt about what they regard as being a sordid little secret. This is often all the more so for those men who gain erotic stimulation from donning feminine attire, especially those raised in a puritanical environment where all aspects of sex beyond procreation are unreasonably tainted as being sinful - let alone those regarded by their peers as being somehow deviant or perverse. Because of the intensely personal nature of any sexual experience, many men find it very difficult to discuss their concerns with those around them, even as adults, for fear of the consequences. At best, they will not be understood, at worst, an attempt to confide in others will result in being humiliated or ostracised. Many crossdressers still carry around the hurt of rejection by a previous girlfriend after finally building up the courage to share their secret with her, the resulting pain causing them to shut their feminine side away from others for fear of similar unpleasantness.

A crossdresser is just as prone to popular misconceptions about men who wear women's clothing as anyone else, and may erroneously come to associate their desires with other, less appealing possibilities - that he must be gay, even though he isn't attracted to other men, a pervert, even though his interests go no further than such attire, or a woman in a man's body, even though all he wants to do is merely dress up from time to time. Unfortunately, the societal connotations of being a homosexual or a transsexual are often just as negative as those about crossdressers or transvestites, even in today's more enlightened times. Concern that his crossdressing might lead to him becoming something even harder to accept only serves to fuel the feelings of guilt associated with dressing up, however harmless his activities may actually be - a man doesn't need to be gay to fear the possibility that he might become so.

Should crossdressing have a sexual component for the man in question, perhaps involving him masturbating while dressed up, there's the additional complication of the guilt that follows sexual climax. However exciting or arousing feminine clothing may seem prior to orgasm, the comedown can prove rather different, leaving him feeling dirty or ashamed for succumbing to what he now regards as a filthy, sordid little habit. He may regard himself as being weak for succumbing to temptation, vowing to try harder to withstand his urges next time, perhaps even telling himself he'll never dress up again. He may even go so far as to “purge” his collection of women's clothing, a costly mistake that he'll regret the next time he feels the irresistible urge to try on something a little more feminine - being part of his sexual makeup, it's no more easy for him to shake off his desire to crossdress than it would be to shake off his desire for sex.

That's especially the case for a closet crossdresser in a relationship, where there's the additional shame of having betrayed his wife, over and above that which might come from merely pleasuring himself without her. The gnawing sense of guilt that results from not sharing such an intimate secret with the woman he loves is one that can eat away at him over time, weighing down his conscience still further as he grapples with how on earth to bring her in to his secret world. Desperately wanting to let her into his confidence, yet afraid of how she might react, he finds himself in a no-win situation whereby the easiest option is to try to ignore his desires - a futile exercise that's doomed to fail in yet another cycle of guilt and repression.

Bringing all these factors together, it's sadly the case that many, if not most, crossdressers harbour quite disproportionate degrees of guilt regarding dressing up. Even if they've come to accept their inner desires, the years of guilt prior to doing so can still stick around and take their toll. One way to assuage such guilt is by relinquishing the responsibility associated with it to another party, passing on the decision as to when, where and how they dress such that the matter is taken out of the crossdresser's hands entirely. In doing so, he can enjoy all the pleasure of wearing women's clothing without any of the guilt that comes from choosing to do so himself - after all, however much he enjoyed his attire, he didn't decide to put it on, he was merely doing what he was told. It's psychological subterfuge on the part of the man in question, but remarkably effective all the same, even if he's completely ignorant of the tricks his subconscious is playing upon itself.

Consequently, many crossdressers fantasise about being forced to wear women's clothing, especially lingerie, at the behest of another, submitting to someone else's wishes as though they themselves had no choice in the matter - however much their desires might coincide. So called “forced feminization”, in which the protagonist is dressed against his will, is a popular theme in transvestite erotica, as is crossdressing as a punishment - bizarrely, even as a punishment for being caught crossdressing! Such fantasies invariably feature dominant women and submissive men, ranging in scope from harmlessly romantic through to downright brutal, but all feature one key theme - whatever feminine clothing the man wears, and wherever he wears it, the decision to crossdress is one that someone else makes for him, taking all the guilt away in the process.

If your husband expresses the desire to submit to lingerie discipline or even lingerie punishment, the chances are that these same psychological factors are at work, even if he's consciously unaware of them. In asking you to take control of when and where he wears women's underwear, your husband may merely be asking to be released from the guilt he feels when he does so of his own volition, but that doesn't mean that lingerie discipline is any less effective as a result. So long as you draw a clear line between what is practical and positive in real life with more harmful fantasies that are best left as such, something we'll turn to later in this chapter, it's much healthier to integrate everything into a wholesome, loving relationship than for your husband to keep it all bottled up inside. Not only does that free him from his guilt, it also allows you to enjoy all the benefits of lingerie discipline too!

Escape to the wardrobe

It's easy to assume that a man who wears women's clothing only does so for a sexual thrill, especially when the garments in question carry the kind of erotic connotations that lingerie does, but for many men the pleasure of wearing such attire takes a somewhat different form. Whilst crossdressing may not be an entirely asexual activity for them, the focus for such individuals is on the relaxation that it brings, allowing them to put to one side the stresses and strains of everyday life as they take on a new, albeit temporary persona - one just as different as the clothing involved. In doing so, they become someone else, someone who doesn't have to worry about all the problems and pressures they've left behind, at least not until they return to their original wardrobe, suitably refreshed from their time away.

Dressing up in women's clothing, even to a limited extent, allows such men to express facets of their personality that might otherwise have difficulty taking centre stage - softer, more feminine aspects that ordinarily would be taken as signs of weakness in the male dominated world in which many men are forced to compete. Donning frilly lingerie, let alone feminine outerwear, allows a crossdresser to escape from the expectations society places on him as a man, no longer having to fight endlessly to be top dog, but able to be more submissive without fear of repercussions - at least for a little while. In the privacy of his own home, he can reveal this secret side of himself without anyone judging or taking advantage of him for it - a far cry from the cutthroat world of work, where even the slightest hint of submissive tendencies would be pounced upon.

Because of the heightened contrast involved, it's not uncommon for some men, especially those who ordinarily assume the role of the alpha male, to go to the opposite extreme, adopting exceptionally submissive service roles that few self-respecting women would consider appropriate as expressions of their gender. Whether the crossdresser's alter ego is one of a mincing maid, a busty bimbo or a trashy tart, it's invariably one which requires little in the way of difficult decision making on their part, merely following the lead of others. A man who fantasises about doing the cleaning in a skimpy little maid's uniform may take great delight at the thought of being ordered around in a manner that any real cleaner would find utterly degrading, whereas the crossdresser who longs to be a bimbo or a slut relishes the sexual availability and submission they regard that role as having - however impractical it may be in reality.

Although such men might have fantasies about adopting such a role permanently, often incorporating elements of coercion similar to the aforementioned theme of forced feminization, it's unlikely that they would find such an extreme outcome particularly pleasurable. In practice, dressing up is an occasional refuge from the outside world, a means of letting off steam when the pressures of his male life get too much. After all, a bimbo doesn't have to worry about tax returns, sales targets or office politics, nor constantly have to prove her masculine prowess, but even such a vacuous, carefree lifestyle would become cloying after a while - once the man's batteries are recharged, his alter ego can go back in the wardrobe, ready for the next time her safe little world is required.

Of course, dressing up occasionally doesn't allow a man to completely avoid the trials and tribulations of life - going to work dressed as a tart simply isn't practical, quite apart from defeating the objective of doing so in order to escape into an alternative world to relax and unwind. Nevertheless, some men like to take a little of that world with them when they go to work, perhaps wearing panties or stockings safely hidden beneath their trousers or a bra under their suit. Doing so gives the closet crossdresser a secret that no-one else knows about, allowing him to take control of a small part of his life even if everything else is being dictated from on high. Whilst that may seem rather contradictory on the face of it, especially after we've been discussing men adopting submissive roles in order to relinquish responsibility, it makes sense to the man concerned - there's nothing relaxing about having to submit to others on their terms whilst still being expected to play a masculine part.

Whether he wants to dress up as a maid around the house or simply wear a pair of panties to work, it's important to stress that such crossdressers don't wish to become women, nor do the often distorted images of femininity they wish to emulate reflect their opinions of women in general. The exaggerated roles and outfits involved merely serve to provide a clear differentiation between the obligations expected of his masculine side and the relaxation offered by his feminine side, although they can often prove quite titillating to the wearer too. It certainly doesn't mean that he regards all, or indeed, any women as being submissive sex objects or lacking responsibility, merely that such a stereotypical caricature is something that is psychologically useful for him.

Needless to say, if your husband voluntarily adopts such a submissive role, you'll find it far easier to employ all of the techniques discussed in this book in your relationship, although you may need to guide his fantasies in a more constructive direction for them to be mutually beneficial. Nevertheless, a man who secretly desires to be a sexually submissive slut is likely to be very amenable to erotic feminization, whereas a woman whose husband delights in serving as a feminized maid need never worry about doing the housework again. Even lingerie discipline and lingerie punishment are readily applied to such men, provided a little effort is applied to ensure the desired results rather than merely pandering to their fantasies - as discussed in the previous chapter, a punishment must be unpleasant in order to be effective, but that doesn't mean a man can't enjoy submitting to lingerie discipline when not being punished, yet still be equally affected by his attire as any other man.

Expectations management

The desire to wear women's clothing is something that all crossdressers find difficult to ignore, but their levels of self-awareness about why they have such desires vary immensely. It's not uncommon for a man to be completely ignorant about the factors that drive him to crossdressing, nor to have any conscious understanding of the psychological consequences of doing so. Indeed, although there are many veteran transvestites who have long since come to terms with the particular aspects of their personalities involved, for others their desires remain an utter mystery, often shrouded in misconceptions and guilt. It's therefore dangerous to assume that your husband must necessarily be an authority on such matters merely because he's had the courage to broach the subject with you - often a man has as much learning to do as his wife in such a situation, finally free to do so now that everything is out in the open.

In particular, the release from having to keep some of his innermost desires secret from his wife can bring with it unwanted side effects as the man in question struggles to come to terms with his newfound freedom and acceptance. Some men can demonstrate a counter-productive intensity at this point, assuming that their wives must somehow now be ready to indulge them in their every fantasy, however ludicrous or impractical it may be. That can be especially problematic when the fantasies in question have been coloured by the misconceptions and guilt we discussed earlier - a man who has yet to internalise his sexuality may erroneously assume that all crossdressers are gay, for example, and expect his wife to force him to entertain other men towards this end. Similarly unrealistic fantasies may involve cuckolding, castration and exceptionally cruel punishments - both bizarre and destructive, but typical of the kind of nonsense one finds online.

Quite apart from such extremes, a newly fledged crossdresser may overestimate how much his wife is willing to let him dress up, perhaps wanting to dress as a woman whenever he's around the house, or every time they make love. That's a natural reaction to the novelty of being able to freely express urges that were once heavily repressed, and may well be something that naturally eases over time as that novelty wears off. Nevertheless, although erotic feminization is sure to spice up a couple's sex life, there is such a thing as over-seasoning, especially when the man emphasises what he's wearing as his source of arousal, rather than who he's playing with. It's easy for the wife of a crossdresser to feel neglected as a result, leading to a rapidly reducing tolerance for her husband's habits - an understandable reaction to something that can seem distinctly one sided from her perspective.

Consequently, a crossdressing husband may require a fair amount of expectations management in order to bring his fantasies into line with reality, and as much time as his wife does in order to come to terms with what his desires actually mean - not just for him, but for his wife and their relationship as well. Adopting erotic feminization, lingerie discipline or even lingerie punishment in your marriage certainly doesn't give your husband carte blanche to take things any further than you're mutually happy with. However, they can allow you to direct his desires down more appropriate avenues, helping him to realise them as part of a loving, caring relationship that's infinitely better than an ill thought out, distorted fantasy - which, in retrospect, is something he's sure to appreciate.

Fortunately, the techniques we've been discussing lend themselves to being used to shape your husband's desires towards more practical ends. The immediate, physical arousal that comes from any kind of practical erotic feminization is more than sufficient substitute for poorly defined fantasies, a direct, hands-on experience that's tangible and in his face, so to speak, rather than forever slipping away between his fingers. With a few subtle suggestions along the way, you can make it clear that he really can live at least some of his dreams, so long as he's prepared to do it your way, on your terms. That means satisfying your desires as much as his, submitting to your needs in the bedroom rather than selfishly focusing on his own - something that many crossdressers are all too happy to oblige once they're appropriately dressed to please.

Sometimes, a quid pro quo is in order. Even a crossdresser who has never considered the merits of serving as a maid may start to think differently once he's encouraged to do so as a way of dressing up outside of the bedroom. There may not be much call for a bimbo or a slut around the rest of the house, but a maid is always welcome - allowing your husband to don something feminine while still meeting with your approval, and letting you put your feet up and relax as the chores are taken care of. More regular lingerie discipline can also be introduced in a similar manner, perhaps as the price to be paid for dressing up at other times, although a crossdressing husband may not require much in the way of extra motivation to don panties to work. Even if he does so with great relish, you can rest assured they'll have the same power over him as if he were wearing them less enthusiastically - their presence reminding him of you no matter how far apart you are.

Should your husband's requests to humour the less appealing aspects of his fantasies become too insistent, perhaps with him refusing to acknowledge your right to decline anything you regard as distasteful, you can use lingerie punishment to correct his attitude, just as you might when moderating any other aspect of his behaviour. You can use the opportunity to let him know what is and is not acceptable as far as crossdressing is concerned. “I don't mind you dressing up occasionally in bed, but I don't want you doing it every night - I need my man sometimes too. Since you want to dress up so badly, you can wear your punishment bra tonight, and I don't want to see it”. Should said garment be a source of complaints later in the evening, he can be reminded that how and when he dresses up is entirely at your discretion, something which will give him food for thought as he struggles with the discomfort of his bra.

You may wonder whether using lingerie as a punishment can work effectively on a crossdresser, especially one who is sexually submissive and whose fantasies feature forced feminization. Surely making such a man wear lingerie is merely pandering to those fantasies, counter-productively serving to arouse him rather than proving a sufficient deterrent against future misbehaviour? Fortunately, that's not the case - although there may be a frisson of excitement to begin with, the novelty of having to wear awkward lingerie soon wears off as its discomfort starts to bite, and over time such attire can really begin to grate. There's nothing erotic about having a sore back and shoulders from wearing a heavily padded bra, nor anything sexy about the endless urge to fiddle with clothing that's simply too tight for comfort. Choosing plain, utilitarian garments and making it clear that you're not interested in his predicament, let alone turning him on, will easily do the rest - rendering a crossdresser's lingerie punishment just as effective as that of any other man's.

Fantasies and fact

We've already touched on how forced feminization can be a powerful fantasy for many submissive crossdressers, allowing them to assuage the guilt associated with wearing women's clothing by relinquishing responsibility for the decision to do so. As such, it proves a popular subject online, but unfortunately much of what you may find on the Internet is far from being a wholesome or positive exemplar for a loving relationship. If you've never encountered this kind of material before, you may be astonished or even alarmed by some of its content, especially if your husband presents it to you as something he's turned on by without batting an eyelid, let alone something he'd like you to emulate.

Men who have immersed themselves in such fantasies often become overly familiar with concepts that in reality are actually rather obscure and unlikely to be understood by those not similarly acquainted with such material. They can come to associate activities with one another merely as a result of the frequency with which they are presented together in such tales, even if there is no automatic connection between them. They may even have difficulty appreciating the fact that many of the words used as a matter of course in such stories are actually a form of specialised jargon, having quite different connotations and meanings to those not versed in that vocabulary - “sissy” and “petticoated”, to name but two, loosely synonymous with “submissive crossdresser” and “subject to lingerie discipline” respectively. The assumption that others must share a similarly distorted perspective can lead to considerable consternation!

Although it's impossible to fathom the motivation behind the more bizarre offerings out there, it may be helpful to shed some light on some of the common themes one often encounters in such fantasies in the hope that this will make it easier to understand where your husband is coming from should he speak of such things. That's not to say that you have to adopt any additional practices for erotic feminization, lingerie discipline or lingerie punishment to work their magic in your relationship, of course, but being able to deconstruct your husband's fantasies is the first step in turning them to your mutual advantage, even if the end result bears only passing resemblance to what he originally might have in mind. So long as something is practical and serves to strengthen the loving relationship between you, it really doesn't matter where the idea came from or what other people make or claim to make of it.

Often the driver behind much of what is portrayed in forced feminization fiction is the desire for the male protagonist to be more like a woman, however warped and unlikely a caricature of one. For instance, taking the lead sexually is stereotypically regarded as the masculine role, with submissive acquiescence being the corresponding feminine trait. In this simplistic representation of lovemaking, the man penetrates the woman, who in turn is expected to meekly lie back and think of England as her lover has his wicked way with her. She must make her body completely available to him without complaint, ensuring she is always dressed to impress. It's utterly ludicrous, of course, but reversing these pastiche roles can help explain many aspects of such literature - for instance, the predilection for men being penetrated by suitably equipped women or treated as nothing more than sex objects for their partner's pleasure.

The guilt that many submissive crossdressers harbour can manifest itself in wanting to be punished for their desires, whether in the form of traditional chastisements such as being spanked or otherwise physically punished, or more psychological forms of degradation and humiliation. Ironically, being caught wearing women's underwear often leads to the heroes of such stories having to wear further feminine attire as a punishment, reflecting an unconscious cognitive dissonance on the part of the authors. Their need to relinquish responsibility for their desires frequently results in the protagonist being tied up, handcuffed or otherwise bound whilst subject to such treatment, in additional to psychological coercion such as blackmail and hypnosis. In order to avoid the shame that comes after sexual climax, he may be denied orgasm as a result or kept chaste by having his penis made inaccessible or unusable.

Of course, many couples enjoy aspects of bondage and domination as part of a loving relationship and there's no reason why you can't employ these alongside erotic feminization should they appeal. The same is true for strap-on play and role reversal in the bedroom, alongside spanking and male chastity, both of which can have less erotic applications too. Nevertheless, their introduction to your lovemaking should be entirely on your terms, mutually agreed with your husband rather than expected of you because that's what he believes a “sissy” and “mistress” should do. However much he says he wants you to tie him to the bed and brutally punish him with a huge strap-on phallus whilst he's locked in a chastity belt, in reality, such sadistic humiliation would probably horrify him as much as it would you. By acknowledging your husband's fantasies for what they are and helping him move beyond them by drawing on their positive, practical aspects, you can achieve a far more rewarding outcome - for him and for you!

If you're looking for more plausible erotic literature that features some of the themes touched upon here in a more wholesome and positive light, there are several collections of stories available from the brassièred website. Exploring lingerie discipline, male chastity and men as maids in the context of loving relationships, these tales are perfect bedtime reading for both you and your husband. Curling up together with a healthy story is not only a great way of getting you in the mood, but can also provide inspiration and ideas for you to try in your own relationship to help deepen your love for one another.

Coming to terms with crossdressing

It's impossible to do fully cover the subject of coming to terms with a crossdressing husband in a single chapter, something that really requires an entire book in order to do it justice. We've only really touched on those aspects of crossdressing that are related to the techniques under discussion here, as these are unlikely to be covered in more general works on the subject. The concept of the submissive crossdresser is also one that can be often overlooked outside of erotic fantasies, lost among those transvestites that have a more dominant alter-ego - often something that goes hand in hand with being confident enough to promote themselves to the world. It's as wrong to assume that all men who wear women's clothing fit into that mould as it is to assume the submissive crossdresser is the only kind - they come in all sorts!

Nevertheless, various areas of common ground exist between the wives of crossdressers, regardless of the diverse reasons for their husbands dressing. You may find it useful to read up on the experiences of other such women in order to gain a deeper perspective on the matter - even the accounts of those who merely tolerate the activities of their husbands rather than putting them to their own ends as espoused here. That's especially the case should you have discovered your husband's crossdressing tendencies suddenly, perhaps under unfortunate circumstances, rather than them slowly coming to light as you explore erotic feminization together. It's a heart-wrenching experience to come home earlier than expected one night, only to discover your husband prancing around in your clothes - a breakdown in trust that requires an awful lot of rebuilding in order to return things to how they should be.

Even being presented with this book out of the blue can come as quite an unwelcome shock to begin with, but if you've managed to read this far, it's worth persevering a little further. Your husband may not be fully aware of what he hopes to achieve by sharing such intimate aspects of himself with you, nor have particularly realistic expectations of where you might take things. Nevertheless, in doing so he demonstrates an undeniable level of trust in you and your relationship, leaving himself vulnerable and exposed in the hope that, however you react, you will still love him for who he is - the same man that he's always been, even if he now comes with a slightly extended wardrobe.

By embracing the more submissive aspects of crossdressing, both erotic feminization and lingerie discipline allow you to set the pace rather than your husband, taking things only as far and as fast as you are happy with. Moreover, rather than merely being about pandering to his fantasies, the techniques discussed in this book allow you to turn things to your benefit too, achieving all the advantages we previously mentioned for yourself as well as your husband and your relationship. As many a wife of a football fan can attest, a penchant for women's clothing is far from the worst interest your husband might have - it's something that you share, which is more than can be said for some of the more masculine hobbies that men indulge in1. Although it may take time to come to terms with your husband's secret, in the end it may be prove so rewarding that you find yourself glad to have a man for whom wearing lingerie comes so easily.

[1] A perfect illustration of this came from a correspondent who used to have a boyfriend who was into historical reenactment. She related how she felt far more excluded by his dressing up as a World War I soldier every weekend than she ever did from her subsequent boyfriend and now husband's crossdressing - going shopping and playing dress-up together being far more fun than being relegated to the sidelines of a muddy field watching grown men play war games.