taming the caged beast

Chapter 6: How can we take things further?

Fantasies, fiction, fancies and fact

If you happen to look online for information about male chastity, the chances are that you'll eventually stumble upon accounts of couples who go much further in their sexual exploits than just keeping the husband's penis under lock and key, or at least, purport to do so. Other forms of bondage and domination are subjects you'll find referred to regularly, along with erotic humiliation, cross-dressing and even cuckolding1. It would be mistaken to infer from this that any of these practices are essential or even desirable when it comes to using male chastity in your own relationship - quite the reverse, in fact.

Male chastity is a flexible technique that is more than capable of standing by itself, without the need to adopt any other practice alongside. As we've stressed throughout the course of this book, you're entirely at liberty to use a male chastity device in whatever way works best for your own relationship, whether that be as an occasional way to spice up your lovemaking or a more permanent feature of your husband's attire. Just as there's no single, prescriptive method that must be followed when it comes to male chastity, there's equally no obligation to pick up anything else you might read about on the Internet, unless you feel doing so to be right for you and your husband.

Indeed, some of the accounts you'll find online are so obviously false that even a cursory inspection reveals multiple inconsistencies and errors to anyone who knows the first thing about male chastity. Such discrepancies provide ample evidence that these yarns are grounded more in the twisted imagination of their writers than any kind of reality. Tales of men locked up against their will for months on end, forced to suffer horrendous ignominies as a result, completely ignore the fact that there's no such thing as an escape-proof chastity belt. Even if there were, to trap a man in one while subjecting him to the kind of abuse that invariably frequents such absurd stories would be grounds for criminal prosecution rather than forming any part of a loving relationship.

One presumes that such nonsense must be written by frustrated men who are unable to experience the practical delights of male chastity for themselves, and consequently end up writing ludicrous fiction to express their desires. It's important to recognise such stories for what they are and not let them colour your ideas about how male chastity ought to practised - stick with whatever's right for you, and let the fantasists do whatever titillates them.

Nevertheless, if your husband was initially introduced to the idea of wearing a chastity device by perusing such tales, it may be that he retains some of their unrealistic expectations. You may find this comes out over time as you explore his sexual fantasies with him, or that he becomes more confident about raising them himself thanks to the increased intimacy male chastity brings. He may automatically assume that you'll humour whatever he suggests simply because you've gone along with putting him in chastity - needless to say, he's in for a rude awakening if that's the way he imagines things are going to be. Contrary to what he might think, once he's wearing a chastity device for you he's even more at your mercy when it comes to such things than he was before - whether you choose to indulge in any of his other interests is entirely up to you.

That doesn't mean you can't experiment with things that take your fancy, of course. Just as male chastity can spice up your sex life, so too can many of the other activities you might read about, provided they're taken in moderation and remain mutually appealing. Giving him a playful spanking or using a pair of handcuffs in the bedroom is a far cry from some of the more lurid tales you might read, but may prove thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless. With that in mind, let's take a more realistic look at what else your husband might have been fantasising about, why such things may appeal to him, and most importantly of all, what's in them for you. You don't have to become a dungeon dwelling dominatrix or wear a black leather catsuit to have a little fun with female domination, and you may find that certain aspects of it are surprisingly satisfying - for both you and your husband!

[1] Cuckolding can be a powerful fantasy for some men, but it is something that the author cannot personally countenance. Sexual activity should serve to strengthen a loving relationship rather than undermine its foundations. Nevertheless, it would be naïve to pretend that the subject never crops up online - you will find it mentioned occasionally if you start to research male chastity in any depth, just like the other practices discussed in this chapter.

All tied up and nowhere to go

Male chastity involves a man voluntarily surrendering authority over the most intimate part of his body, placing it entirely at the whim of his keyholder until she sees fit to release him again. Doing so is an act of submission on his part, acknowledging her to be the dominant party in their relationship, but it is far from being the only way in which he can submit to her will. Donning a pair of handcuffs or allowing himself to be tied up will render him similarly powerless, making more traditional bondage a popular accompaniment to chastity. The same psychological factors are at play - by ceding control of his body and its movements, he is no longer responsible for anything that might happen to him, allowing him to relax safe in the knowledge that, however harshly his mistress may treat him, there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

You can introduce a little light bondage to your chastity play with anything that can tie his hands behind his back - a discarded stocking is perfectly sufficient, although a pair of handcuffs is better from both a practical and psychological point of view. For maximum effect, have him bound before you remove his chastity device and keep him that way until his cock is safely under lock and key again, emphasising that one way or another he remains at your mercy. With a little extra planning, you can tie his hands and feet to the corners of your bed, keeping him spreadeagled there while you tease him to your heart's content. A little care is necessary to ensure his bonds won't chafe excessively nor impede his circulation, but bondage is sufficiently mainstream for there to be a wide variety of products catering to those who wish to have their man helpless and vulnerable to their wicked ministrations.

Speaking of which, he can be encouraged to go down on you while so restrained, if encouraged is indeed the right word - unable to move he'll find himself with little choice in the matter, although that shouldn't stop him from showing a distinct enthusiasm for the job at hand! Alternatively, slowly masturbate him until he's about to lose control, then stop - the look of frustration on his face as he realises you're not going to finish him off is priceless, especially if then you put him back in his cage, utterly unsatisfied. Doing that once might be bad enough, but several times, either in quick succession or night after night after night, is guaranteed to drive him wild - he'll soon be begging to do anything in exchange for being put out of such torment.

A good spanking

One need only think of the stereotypical “whips and chains” to get a feel for how corporal punishment often goes hand in hand with bondage when it comes to domination and submission, although thankfully there's no need to go to such extremes if that doesn't appeal. Many women feel understandably uneasy about punishing a man they love dearly, but doing so isn't just about inflicting pain, let alone deriving pleasure from meting it out - by physically disciplining your husband, you provide a way for him to feel that he has atoned for previous misbehaviour. This goes far beyond simply making amends - by suffering at your hand, however symbolic his punishment may be, he releases himself from whatever guilt he may still be harbouring for having let you down, allowing him to put it behind him and move on, cleansed of shame.

Moreover, the inherent submission that comes with allowing himself to be treated in such a way serves to cement your position as someone who should be respected, an authority figure whose needs and desires he cannot afford to ignore. So long as his punishment is delivered with love rather than hate, out of a desire to foster a stronger, more intimate bond between you rather than to maliciously hurt or humiliate him, there's no reason why you can't add a little physical chastisement to your husband's chastity regime. An easy place to start is a good old-fashioned spanking, in the same way a mother might discipline an errant child - this can take place over your knee, or he can be asked to bend over and touch his toes before receiving it. You can even deliver his spanking while he's helplessly tied up - have him spreadeagled on the bed, as discussed in the previous section, but face down to leave his backside perfectly exposed.

You can vary the duration and intensity of his penance according to how much he's displeased you, something that can easily be combined with a points based systems whereby his infractions over the course of a week are brought together into a single punishment session. Should your hand not be up to the job, there are a wide variety of floggers available that will allow you deliver punishment of varying degrees at less cost to yourself - you can even pick and choose your implement based on how bad he's been. Complicating this picture slightly is the fact that many men take a surprising amount of pleasure from both the physical pain and the psychological submission involved in receiving such punishment, something you'll need to take into account for it to be truly effective. That doesn't mean he has to hate every moment of being punished, however - a mutually enjoyable spanking still serves to emphasise his surrender to your will, and can always be topped up with less pleasurable punishments as needed.

Burning with shame

Corporal punishment of the kind we've just been discussing has a certain element of humiliation to it, bringing with it a strange appeal that may be difficult to understand from a less sexually submissive mindset. In this, it is far from being alone - a man may derive similar pleasure from being put in his place in a more psychological manner, humiliated and degraded in ways that might seem bizarre unless one understands where he is coming from. Such humiliation can take many forms, from kissing your feet to having to clean the kitchen wearing nothing but his chastity belt, but it's the effect it has on his state of mind that's important rather than the precise details of the act itself. It certainly isn't about mere wanton abuse!

When it comes to the distinction between being turned on by such treatment and merely hurt by it, there can be a very fine line dividing the two - some men can be very specific about what does it for them, a situation which is not helped by there often being fetishes at play. A man who has a predilection for women's feet, for instance, may delight in sucking his wife's toes whilst being repulsed at the thought of worshipping her armpits, even though to the outside observer there is little to separate one body part from another. Fetishes can be strange things, but if you allow your husband to be open and honest about his, you may discover he harbours one that is mutually agreeable, allowing you to drive him to distraction whilst deepening his submission in the process.

Bend over boyfriend

Traditionally, it is the man who is expected to be the more dominant partner in a sexual relationship, actively taking control of intercourse as he penetrates his more submissive mate, who in turn fulfils her stereotypical rôle by lying back and letting her husband have his wicked way with her, passively deriving whatever pleasure may come from having his penis deep inside her. Penetration is regarded as a masculine, dominant act, whereas being penetrated is considered feminine and submissive - not something any real man could countenance being subject to. Such outdated notions are still widely prevalent in society even today - one need only consider the derision implicit in such puerile phrases as “bend over and take it” or “he got shafted” to understand the contempt, not to mention the fear, that many men have for one of their own gender being treated in such an apparently shameful manner. To do so would question their masculinity, and indeed, their heterosexuality.

Despite or perhaps because of this, the sexually submissive male may secretly hanker for being penetrated himself, freeing him, albeit temporarily, from the oppressive expectations that society places on him as a man. Just as he may have been drawn to male chastity from the desire to no longer be responsible for his sexual urges, so too may he take pleasure from permitting another to penetrate him, submitting psychologically as much as he does physically when he allows himself to be treated in this most unmacho of ways. By surrendering any conventional expectations so obviously, he adopts the far easier rôle of the passive participant, needing to do nothing but take whatever's coming to him.

So much for what's going on inside his head. If you're going to put pegging into practice, you've got to overcome two problems - neither you nor your husband are naturally equipped with the tools necessary to reverse rôles in this way! Whilst your own absence of equipment should be obvious, that of your husband is rather more subtle - whereas a woman secretes natural lubrication when she's sexually aroused, a man's back passage does not, and is easily prone to damage unless an artificial substitute is provided in ample quantities.

To begin with, a suitably lubricated finger is quite sufficient to give your husband a taste of what it's like to have something alien inside him, which has the advantage that you can probe around to his evident discomfort and delight. You can also use the kind of toys you might enjoy yourself, provided they're not too large, although it's better to use something specifically designed for the male anatomy, for reasons we shall come onto shortly. Far more effective, however, is a strap-on dildo, which fastens around your body to allow you to engage in a more traditional style of intercourse. Not only do these do the business as far as your husband is concerned, there are also models featuring clitoral stimulation or a second dildo for your own pleasure, making strap-on sex the perfect choice for showing him what traditional lovemaking is like for a woman, being more likely to bring you an orgasm than him!

Whatever you use to penetrate him, you'll want to take things slowly and gently, going no further than he feels comfortable with until you're sure he can take it. The same goes for the size of what you're inserting - although the Internet abounds with tales of men being pummelled by enormous phalluses without any prior training, in reality it will take a while for you to be able to use even a modest one in such away, so don't push too far too fast.

Psychologically, being used for your pleasure while still helplessly locked in his chastity device is a very powerful experience for a man, bringing home the reality of his submission like nothing else. Believe it or not, it's possible for some men to climax as a result of such stimulation alone, thanks to how a correctly shaped dildo can reach the prostate gland - such orgasms are not entirely dissimilar to those brought about by probing a woman's G-spot. You can even take this a stage further and intentionally massage the prostate in order to grant such relief - indeed, there are devices specifically designed for this purpose, allowing a man to be milked without his penis ever being let out of its cage. Such milking can be integrated into his chastity regime in various ways, depending on how much pleasure your husband derives from it.

An interesting variant is to have your husband wear a butt plug, taking advantage of the inevitable discomfort of such an insertion to remind him of his surrender in other areas too. It's impossible for a man to forget an intimate intruder that makes its presence known with every step he takes, particularly when any arousal that might result from it serves only to emphasise the power his keyholder has over him. Once again, the psychological significance of being occupied inside far outweighs the physical hardship involved for the submissive man, as yielding control of this innermost part of his body brings with it a similar relinquishment of responsibility. You can have him wear a butt plug during your lovemaking to begin with, but with a little training he can wear one under his clothes for a while, perhaps even to work - an embarrassing secret that he can't help but be constantly aware of, yet one that no-one else need ever know about.

Like a lady

Although male chastity relies on a man's libido for its effectiveness, it is often regarded as being emasculating in so far as it prevents him from fully expressing his masculinity - not least, as we've just seen, when it comes to the very male act of penetration. Freed from any expectation to perform as a macho man, being locked in a chastity device allows its wearer to express some of his more feminine traits, submissive aspects of his personality that might otherwise be crowded out by the traditional gender rôles imposed by society. From this come many of the beneficial aspects of male chastity - regardless of his motivations, devoting himself to your pleasure as he brings you to orgasm with his tongue is a far cry from the stereotype of the man who rolls over and goes to sleep after satisfying himself, utterly uncaring of whether he has fulfilled his partner or not. It's not unusual for women to describe their husbands as becoming softer and more gentle as a result of being kept chaste.

Such subtleties can be brought to the fore by having your husband adopt a more explicitly feminine part, either in your lovemaking or your relationship as a whole. We've already seen how reversing rôles when it comes to penetration can have a startling effect on matters, but you don't need to go that far in order to encourage him to adopt a more submissive attitude - simply having him don some feminine attire is usually enough to put a man in the right frame of mind, completely liberated from any need to play the part of the alpha male merely by virtue of what he's wearing. After all, it's hard for him to feel too masculine when he's wearing frilly lingerie or a pretty dress, and thus it should come as no surprise that cross-dressing of one form or another is a popular way to enhance the effects of male chastity.

That doesn't mean he has to become a full-on transvestite for you to appreciate such advantages - having him wear a pair of panties in place of his regular underwear is quite sufficient to add an edge to his chastity without needing anything more. Wearing women's underwear is a source of much embarrassment for many men, even if done so in the privacy of your own home, let alone under his trousers to work. Panties in particular are especially effective thanks to the way in which they prevent his chastity cage from hanging freely from his body. Their tighter cut in comparison to a more masculine style draws the wearer's attention to the presence of the device, pulling the entire package inwards so as to make prolonged sitting a rather uncomfortable affair. As he finds himself fidgeting awkwardly in order to get through a day at the office, he'll be sure to remember just what he's got on under his trousers and why.

The shame associated with wearing such underwear is quite disproportionate to what it involves, stemming from a fear of being caught in such a humiliating state. The thought of having to explain his intimate attire to colleagues is one that few men would wish to contemplate, even though the chances of anyone ever finding out are practically zero - so long as he keeps his trousers up! You may never have thought that an article of clothing could have such power, but it's amazing the effect that having to wear lingerie has on a man, as I discuss more fully in my other books. Consequently, you can have him do so as a way of proving himself, as a penalty, or simply as the price of earning an earlier release from his chastity device - either way, putting him in panties is a guaranteed way of keeping him on his toes at work, let alone completing the ensemble by adding a matching bra and stockings.

Lingerie can also play a part in your lovemaking if you so choose. Having him wear nothing but frilly feminine finery while he attends to your needs makes it clear the kind of rôle you expect him to adopt - even the act of dressing him up in such underwear emphasises his submission, as well as being highly erotic in and of itself. The conflicting connotations associated with such intimate attire makes being all dolled up in it an intense experience for any man, all the more so when his masculine urges are denied by means of an unyielding chastity device. Even if your husband has no latent cross-dressing tendencies, he may still find being told to wear such clothing surprisingly arousing when included as part of your chastity play, not to mention entertaining. As every child knows, there's a lot of fun to be had from dressing up in silly clothes and pretending to be someone else in the process, quite apart from any implicit sexual element. Indeed, adopting the rôle of a submissive serving girl or maid can be just the thing for a highly powered executive who wants to unwind, allowing him to put his troubles to one side as he takes on another persona.

Some men take things a little further, and enjoy cross-dressing as an activity in its own right. For many, such dressing has strong sexual associations, the very act of donning feminine attire serving to inflame their passions. If your husband is among their number, you can still make use of the power of women's clothing as a means of teasing him, having him wear articles you know turn him on in order to keep him in the state of heightened sexual tension that makes male chastity so effective. Moreover, the concept of having no choice but to wear such items can be particularly powerful, assuaging the guilt that is often associated with such behaviour while simultaneously adding an additional erotic charge, even if the wearer isn't as reluctant about it as he might want to make out! Being told he “must” wear a bra and panties if he wants to be let out of his cage provides a handy excuse for a man who hasn't fully come to terms with his desire to wear such garments.

Sadly, perhaps as a result of this, no area is as rife with tall tales as that of cross-dressing whilst in chastity, particularly when it comes to so-called forced feminisation. The Internet is littered with ludicrous yarns about men being turned into women against their will, inevitably featuring an inescapable chastity belt and an impossibly cruel mistress amidst their other ridiculous details. Needless to say, such stories are as nonsensical as they might appear, and although they may prove titillating to those in search of masturbatory material, they are a far cry from the loving practice of more consensual cross-dressing. Alas, the writers of such fiction fail to recognise that erotic feminisation requires the mutual agreement of both parties, just like male chastity, however much the pretence that it might be otherwise introduces a frisson of excitement into proceedings.

Whatever takes your fancy

Nothing mentioned in this chapter is an essential part of male chastity - you can enjoy the benefits of keeping your husband chaste without ever needing to consider anything more than having him wear a chastity device from time to time. There's certainly no requirement to adopt anything more unless both you and your husband are happy that it's something you'd like to try - just like any other aspect of your relationship. Nevertheless, many couples find their enjoyment of male chastity is greatly enhanced by introducing some of the things we've covered here, adding an additional pinch of spice to their sex lives in a way that both parties find mutually satisfying. Contrary to what you might read elsewhere, there's no “right way” of doing things, so feel free to experiment with whatever takes your fancy until you find the combination that works best for you - and enjoy!