So many people speak and write poorly these days! One might think that sissies introducing themselves might be motivated to make a good first impression, but all too frequently, I receive emails that contain multiple errors, as egregious as they are elementary. Is it that the writers are too stupid to be able to choose the right words, or that they do not care to make an effort? I would prefer to believe that they are merely ignorant of the rules that govern how sentences should be constructed, rules that they may never have been taught.
Ignorance is no excuse, however, even if a man may be forgiven for not wanting to sit down with a traditional textbook. In the hope of encouraging higher standards of language among those with a weakness for women's things, I am pleased to present perfect English, Peaches! - a grammar course written specifically for the submissive crossdresser. Over the course of twenty-five lessons, the student will follow the misfortunes of the preposterously named Peaches Sweetcheeks, a male secretary who must endure all manner of shameful indignities at the hands of both his strict female boss and cruel colleagues. The examples are deliberately exaggerated throughout, painting a provocative picture of an implausible female-led office where men must worry about bras and chastity belts in addition to performing the most humiliating of duties! Despite this fantastical backdrop, the book aims to instil an understanding of grammar based on solid foundations - not by requiring the memorisation of rules, but rather by having the reader think about the various roles that the words in a sentence serve, considering how they work together in order to convey meaning.
While perfect English, Peaches! is intended as a serious course of study, it may also be used as part of a roleplay, or simply a means of keeping a sissy busy. Each of the lessons contains enough material to be challenging, with the concluding exercises requiring the student to fully understand what he has read if he is complete them successfully. You can leave a submissive man with this book safe in the knowledge that he must study in order to show results, but to motivate him further, you might have him dress the part, perhaps threatening unpleasant consequences should his efforts fail to impress. I should love to think that sissies found themselves desperately scribbling sentences for fear of suffering like Peaches, with the exercises perfectly capable of providing a pretext for a previously decided punishment should you be so minded - if not because of the words that your sissy writes, then the way they are written. Like grammar, cursive handwriting need not be a dying art, whether you require him to use a fountain pen, or merely a blunt pencil without any eraser.
Although the emphasis of the course is on men working as secretaries, there is plenty that will appeal to any submissive crossdresser. The text encourages a respect for female authority throughout, with punishment being an inevitable consequence of poor performance - themes that will also benefit a maid studying during a break from his chores. As well as being relegated to the most junior of roles, the male protagonist is frequently humiliated for the amusement of his female superiors, having to glean what pleasure he can from his emasculation. Peaches is expected to work harder than anyone else in the office, often on demeaning or degrading tasks, yet rarely receives any thanks for his efforts. The intentionally titillating scenarios will surely frustrate any sissy kept similarly denied, whether his skirt and blouse are those of a secretary or the stylised uniform of a man being sent back to school. No matter how entertaining the examples may be, however, a sissy cannot afford to be too distracted by devilishly delicious daydreams of discipline and disgrace, instead having to remain focused on what's being taught in order to succeed!
Of course, the office in which Peaches works is a world apart from any real business, with actual secretaries providing an indispensable function far removed from the pointless typing, humiliating meetings and seemingly endless consideration of clothing that occupy our hapless hero when he isn't waiting to be let out of the stationery cupboard! Despite this, the grammar that this parody of employment illustrates is of inestimable value in everyday life - not just for sissies introducing themselves, but of benefit wherever language is used. While a businessman might never think to mention such a skill on his résumé, being able to choose correctly between “its” and “it's”, to mention just one of the points covered in this course, will surely add to his credibility, whether he is applying for a promotion, putting forward a proposal, or simply wanting to write an email without appearing uneducated. No-one need ever know that he learned the difference from the misadventures of a submissive male secretary, perhaps while dressed as a woman himself! It is hoped, therefore, that even a man made to study grammar as a punishment will appreciate the opportunity that doing so offers for improving himself, regardless of whether he enjoys the amount of writing involved!
Nevertheless, a sissy does not require any sort of mistress in order to make use of this course, so long as he has sufficient self-discipline to sit down and put in the work. If you are a submissive crossdresser wanting to stand out from the crowd, you can't go wrong learning how to use the right words, thereby making a good impression with any woman you might have the privilege of interacting with. Even if you don't dream of working as a secretary, you'll benefit from being able to demonstrate an ability to understand and follow rules, together with an attention to detail and a desire to do things the right way, setting you apart from those who are either ignorant of their mistakes, or worse, are unwilling or unable to make the effort necessary to correct them.
Every lesson ends with two groups of exercises. Both require the student to understand what he has read, but the first have expected answers, allowing them to be easily marked, whereas the second are open-ended, and thus capable of filling as much time as may be required. The first group of exercises involve the student copying out and correcting sentences, whereas the second group include explaining the main points of the lesson in the reader's own words, making lists and writing essays. If you do not wish to go to the trouble of marking the first sort yourself, you might provide your sissy with a different pen for him to do so himself, then check a few answers at random to ensure that he isn't tempted to cheat. For the second sort, you may find it amusing to have your sissy read out his work, whether to an audience, or merely a mirror.
If you would like further exercises, check out the brassièred website, where you'll find tools to generate multiple choice tests, essay subjects, and more!
While every effort has been taken to ensure correctness, it is an inevitability that a work on the use of language will contain at least one error - so much so that the phenomenon has a name, Muphry's Law, that itself is a misspelling. Moreover, English is a living language, evolving over time with the people who use it. It would be arrogant to assert that this book is authoritative, even when freshly published, but it is hoped that it may nevertheless offer a basis for consideration. Naturally, I shall blame any failings on my secretary!
Every job has rules, even though they may be so intrinsic to its performance that they are obeyed without thinking. Whether the secretary who must process paperwork in the manner expected by his boss, or the maid who must carry out his chores in accordance with his mistress's preferences, an employee will not last long if he does not comply with established convention. Imagine the chaos that would result if a secretary disregarded alphabetical sorting in favour of filing correspondence wherever took his fancy, or a maid decided to iron the laundry before, not after, washing it. It would be a wonder if either were allowed to remain in their positions for long enough to be punished for such crass stupidity, rather than being dismissed by their superiors immediately! A failure to understand the rules would be no more forgiveable than a reckless disrespect for them, with no-one hearing about it likely to trust such men with even the simplest of tasks. They would certainly not receive good references!
While few secretaries or maids would ever jeopardise their careers to such an egregious extent, many more betray themselves by not respecting the rules of language. Some do not understand when to use one word rather than another, whereas others do not think such details matter so long as they are understood, but in speaking or writing incorrectly, they announce themselves to be ignorant just as surely as the secretary who suggests using the shredder to copy an important contract or the maid who proposes cooking vegetables in the washing machine! It should be obvious that this will not impress potential employers, with an inability or unwillingness to respect one set of rules not speaking highly of a would-be secretary or maid's capacity to understand and follow another.
The rules of a language are called grammar. Some people mistakenly think that grammar is difficult, but even if it were, is that any excuse for refusing to make an effort? Should a secretary or maid shirk a task on the grounds that it is not easy, instead expecting his boss or mistress to do the work that he doesn't want to? A subordinate with such an unrealistic attitude would soon find himself corrected, assuming he was allowed to remain in his position, yet a man who flouts the rules of grammar, no matter how unwittingly, is no different whenever he speaks or writes without thinking. Fortunately, grammar's reputation for difficulty is undeserved, with what might seem like an overwhelming collection of rules becoming straightforward when broken down and considered individually - just like an overflowing inbox may be emptied by processing its contents one at a time, or an entire house may be cleaned by approaching it as a series of chores. What works for a secretary or maid also works for the student of grammar, with practice soon yielding proficiency provided one is diligent.
perfect English, Peaches! is a course in grammar that has been specially written for sissies like yourself, explaining the rules of the English language in a manner that you should find easy to understand, no matter how distracted you may be by your chastity belt or bra! Starting with the most basic parts of a sentence, the twenty-five lessons will give you a greater awareness of words that you might otherwise use without thinking, each concluding with a set of exercises to test your comprehension. These should be completed using your best handwriting, but before putting pen or pencil to paper, think carefully about what you are going to write - like Peaches, the secretary you're about to meet, you will need to use perfect English if you're not to displease your superior!