he's the maid: Chapter 1: Why might I have my husband serve as my maid?

What are the benefits of having my husband serve as my maid?

There's a reason why the word “housework” ends the way it does, and that's because taking care of the chores is, quite literally, a chore. If you're like most women, you'd divest yourself of the domestic drudgery in an instant, if only you could do so on the right terms. You might have considered employing a professional cleaner, but were put off by the price, or else found yourself uncomfortable with the idea of having a stranger look after the house. For many of us, the only reason we resign ourselves to an endless battle with dirt is because that's a lesser evil than living with it, but things would be very different if your husband became your maid. Let's consider what you'd enjoy:

freedom from your least favourite chores

Whether it's washing dirty dishes or scrubbing the bath, every woman has housework she particularly hates, however necessary such chores may be if you doesn't want to live in squalor. Thankfully, there's no reason why you should have to trouble yourself with tasks you dislike when your husband can get his hands dirty on your behalf - as your maid, he'll take the load off your shoulders, allowing you to appreciate the results without any labour yourself.
time for other things

Life's too short to spend it chained to the sink, but for a busy woman having to come home to a house that needs cleaning, there are often not enough hours in the day to be able to snatch more than the briefest of breaks. Having your husband serve as your maid lets you enjoy a more relaxed lifestyle without compromising on cleanliness, such that you can finally stop and put up your feet, safe in the knowledge that everything will still be taken care of.
a cheaper, more trustworthy alternative to employing a professional cleaner

No matter how much they might charge by the hour, it's unlikely that a professional cleaner will go much beyond the call of duty, let alone work for the love of it. At the end of the day, such relationships are fundamentally financial, so you'll only get what you pay for - and that's if you're lucky! The deeper bond you share with your husband means you don't have to worry about what the hired help might be getting up to behind your back, yet you can employ this most reliable of cleaners at no cost, thanks to being married to him.
a personal touch that can be polished to perfection

There are countless things that you could never ask of a regular cleaner, whether that's fixing you your favourite drink or treating you to an impromptu foot massage. Moreover, even with the tasks that fall within their remit, it can be difficult to criticise when they only slightly fail to meet your expectations, leaving you having to accept a sub-standard job for fear of appearing picky. Not so with a husband turned housemaid, who can be trained to do things exactly the way you want, however particular your requirements may be.
a more considerate side to your man

A man who knows he'll be cleaning the toilet will be much more careful when using it, whereas one who's had to wash a floor will never dream of treading dirty footprints across it - a far cry from the unwitting oafishness that can be such a source of marital strife! Once your husband has first-hand experience of the effort involved in making things look their best, he'll go to great lengths to keep them that way - even when he isn't serving as your maid!
a taste of the high life

Every woman deserves to be pampered occasionally, even if we can't afford to indulge ourselves all the time. Whether you dream of being brought breakfast in bed or fancy a relaxing bubble bath without any of the bother, your husband can fulfil your heart's desire - at least, when it comes to the many small pleasures that are within a servant's purview to provide. As your maid, he'll naturally put your satisfaction first, attending to your needs no matter how frivolous they may be. You certainly don't have to stop at him just doing the cleaning, even if you do have him take care of that as you savour a long soak in the tub!

As much as you have to gain from such an arrangement, the advantages of having your husband serve as your maid aren't solely one-sided. Although the prospect of taking responsibility for the chores may not seem particularly appealing to a man on paper, in practice there are a wealth of psychological benefits for him as well - so much so that even an initially reluctant husband will come to appreciate the rewards. Let's look at things from his perspective:

an opportunity to express alternative aspects of his personality

Although society encourages men to compete for dominance, they nevertheless have a softer side too, albeit one that's often repressed for fear of appearing weak. Adopting the overtly submissive role of the maid allows your husband to redress that balance, providing an opportunity for him to express alternative aspects of his personality safe in the knowledge that no harm can come from it. In the security of a loving relationship, allowing himself to surrender can be surprisingly liberating, especially for those men who otherwise face a constant fight to maintain their place at the top of the pecking order.
a means of unwinding and reflecting

A maid needn't worry about much more than the task at hand, with most housework requiring more in the way of diligence than actual decision making. That can come as quite a boon to the man who's been expected to think on his feet all day, knowing that when it comes to the chores, there are no tough choices to make. Indeed, once he knows what he's doing, your husband can clean the house almost automatically, falling into familiar routines that make for ideal meditation. Serving as your maid not only gives him a chance to unwind after a stressful day at work, but valuable time to reflect upon life as well.
the satisfaction that comes from a job well done

Even for something as simple as doing the dishes, there's a sense of satisfaction to be found from ticking off a task, allowing your husband to bask in the glow of success when he finally takes off his apron. He'll appreciate making the effort when he sees the spotless surfaces he's brought about, let alone if he's rewarded for his labours with a smile from the woman he loves. Moreover, the physical exertion of being a maid can be as energising as a good workout, making sitting down afterwards feel so much better for being earned.
a sense of fairness and freedom from guilt

You might not think it sometimes, but the chances are that your husband feels guilty about not getting around to the things that he knows he should do, forever finding excuses not something that sits easily on a man's conscience. If he were honest, he might even admit that seeing you slave away while he lazes about makes him feel ashamed for not doing his fair share, however hard such a confession might be to extract from him. Serving as your maid saves him from such internal battles by providing a structured routine in which it's easiest to do the right thing, an apron bolstering the angel on his shoulder.
a deeper appreciation of matters domestic

Some men are completely clueless about how much work they make for their wives, seeming to assume that clothes merely need to be left on the floor in order to magically return to the wardrobe, not only washed, but ironed along the way! It can come as a complete surprise when the woman who has to pick up after them gets cross, her fury unfathomable for a man who only has the vaguest understanding of what he has done wrong. A husband who has to do the laundry himself is under no such illusions, fully aware of the time and effort involved in something as simple as a clean pair of pants. Serving as your maid will remove many sources of previously incomprehensible friction for him, his greater perspective on such matters benefiting him as much as you.
the fun of dressing up and playing a part

Every child knows the pleasure to be found in playing dress-up, but even adults enjoy a costume party, donning different clothes as they cast aside their ordinary lives in favour of playing pirates or princesses for a while. Even without a deeper desire to crossdress, fooling around in a daft little maid's uniform provides a perfect change of pace, allowing your husband to temporarily forget the stresses that come with his suit and tie. Furthermore, dressing the part will give him a personal appreciation of the problems of snagging stockings and slipping bra straps, making him more sympathetic about such feminine concerns even after he changes back to more masculine attire.
a way to cultivate self-control

The basics of cleaning are quickly picked up by even the most incapable of men, with practice soon making perfect. Once your husband has sharpened his domestic skills to a reasonable degree, the only thing standing between him and an immaculately clean house is his willingness to do the necessary work, with a little extra effort often resulting in a big difference. As well as encouraging an attention to detail, serving as your maid will help him develop a sense of discipline and self-respect that's sure to reap rewards in other aspects of his life too - even those that aren't as entirely within his control as doing the chores. He'll learn that he really can make a difference, but only by consistently doing his best, the results being determined by what he puts in.

Although some of these advantages may sound too good to be true, they come as a natural consequence of having your husband do the housework dressed as a maid. In adopting such a role, he's accepting much more than just an apron, thanks to the power of what's actually a very profound archetype. As unlikely as it might seem to start with, the concept of a male maid makes a surprising amount of sense when you stop to think about it. Let's take a moment to do just that.

Why have your husband serve as a maid rather than, say, a butler?

Putting the “male” part temporarily to one side, what images does the word “maid” bring to mind? It certainly carries more connotations than “cleaner”, having strong suggestions of service, if not servility. Nowadays, only the wealthiest can afford live-in servants, but there was a time when almost every middle-class household would have at least one maid to attend to menial matters. Great houses would employ whole hierarchies of domestics, giving rise to such specialisations as the lady's maid, chamber maid and scullery maid, whereas even a modestly well-to-do gentleman could count on the services of a skivvy or charwoman to spare him from having to stoop to do his own washing.

All but banished to the pages of history books, such social stratification lives on in the popular consciousness - not least in the form of period dramas, in which antiquated goings-on upstairs and downstairs still fascinate modern audiences. Maids can also be found in many classic novels, as well as more contemporary historical romances, where their inferior position adds a twist to many plots. Regardless of how realistic such depictions may be, the picture painted is generally the same - a rigid order in which even the lowliest of servants knows their place, only the unlikely hand of fate saving a scullery maid from a life of peeling vegetables while wearing austere Victoriana.

Modern maid service is a rather different affair, providing periodic cleaning for those too busy to take care of the chores themselves - albeit at a price. Presenting themselves in practical uniforms, professional cleaners charge by the hour for tasks including ironing, vacuuming and dusting, many doing so while their employers are out. If you've never availed yourself of their services at home, you may still have encountered similar when staying at a hotel. Looking after things almost invisibly behind the scenes, hotel maids ensure that sheets and towels are changed on schedule, allowing the happy holidaymaker and busy businesswoman to focus on more important matters. Often working for a minimum wage, there's no doubt that such women are a different class to those they serve, however important the functions they perform.

The saucy stereotype of the sexy maid presented in pornographic film and farce bears as much resemblance to reality as the naughty nurse does to contemporary caregivers. Nevertheless, the feather duster flourishing French maid features prominently in many a man's fantasies, thanks to being suggestively dressed and always eager to please. Bending over to show seductive stocking tops beneath a scandalously short skirt, she soon finds herself distracted from the dusting, enticing the advances of her employer in the most inappropriate of ways. It's a caricature that many couples have fun with in the bedroom, spicing up their love lives with a little role-play - so much so that finding a suitable outfit is surprisingly straightforward, the maid's uniform a staple of costume shops.

What do such disparate representations have in common? Firstly, for better or worse, maids are invariably female - the very word carries gender connotations in a way that “servant” does not. Specifically masculine roles such as butlers and valets have traditionally not encompassed the same responsibility for cleaning, while simultaneously being accountable for matters too manly to be entrusted to a maid. Furthermore, they answered to other men, be that the gentleman they attended, or else a male superior - a very different dynamic to that of the maid obeying her mistress. Even the humblest of manservants would be unlikely to want to demean himself doing “women's work” - a prejudice that persists even today, with many men's reluctance to help around the house seated in a similar chauvinism. We'll return to this subject in due course, but for now, it's enough to note that maids, be they staid servants or saucy sexpots, are feminine through and through.

Secondly, the maid is an inherently submissive role. The tasks she performs are too menial for others to want to trouble themselves with, often requiring her to humble herself in order to complete them. A maid might find herself up to her elbows in soapy water as she washes dirty underwear or down on her hands and knees while scrubbing a floor, but she's still expected to fulfil her duties regardless of such indignities. Although she must always do as she is told, she must also be able to work without disturbing her superiors, devoting herself to their service without drawing any more attention to herself than is absolutely necessary. Even a featherbrained French maid knows when to take the initiative and when to simply lie back and let herself be taken, always putting her employer's satisfaction above her own. A maid is subordinate to those she serves, a fact that both parties are fully aware of.

Last, but by no means least, maids are marked out by an unmistakable uniform, even if that's nothing more than the practical apron that a professional cleaner wears to protect her clothes. More formal roles have correspondingly more formal uniforms, with the maids that feature in period dramas and pornography providing very different examples of how stylised such outfits can be. Whether stiff cotton that shrouds the wearer from neck to toe, or skimpier satin that does precious little to hide her charms, the black and white of the stereotypical maid's uniform announces her position to anyone who sees it, not least its wearer. A woman might do the very same chores in regular clothing without warranting comment, but have her don a frilly apron and a little black dress and she suddenly becomes a submissive servant - one of the reasons why maids employed as such, be it in a great house or a hotel, wear uniforms, and indeed, why a French maid's outfit proves so provocative in the bedroom.

Bringing all these aspects together, it's clear that the archetype of the maid carries with it a wealth of connotations, such that it's impossible to adopt the associated attire without being affected by what it brings to mind. That's particularly the case for a man who wears a maid's uniform, with a male maid even more profoundly influenced by the unfamiliarity of such clothing, quite apart from the implications of taking on a traditionally female role. By having your husband dress up to do the housework, you're not just presenting him with an outfit, but also a pre-prepared position for him to fall into, one whose societally shaped conventions will encourage him to help out as soon as he steps into its shoes. That the shoes in question would ordinarily be occupied by a woman is more than mere chance, however - indeed, crossdressing and submission are sufficiently connected as to warrant further consideration.

Figure 1.1: Four representations of the maid archetype - a Victorian servant sweeping the floor, a hotel cleaner using a more modern appliance, a saucy French maid flourishing a feather duster, and a fanciful maid showing off a full-skirted dress. All wear an unmistakable uniform, with an apron announcing their role.

What's the connection between crossdressing and submission?

The humble maid is as about as far removed as you can get from the stereotypical macho man, her submissive femininity a world apart from the caricature of the alpha male embodied in the rugged action movie hero. This contrast is by no means coincidental, but rather is at the heart of why dressing your husband as a maid is so effective for getting him to do the housework. It's hard for a man to feel too masculine in a maid's uniform, such attire naturally encouraging a more submissive attitude. That's partly because men can't wear women's clothes in the same way women can men's, with the simplest of dresses bringing with it an inescapable significance, if not shame, to the male wearer. Even if your husband is already at home in the kitchen, he's unlikely to want to don a flouncy pinafore to do the cooking, let alone be seen in one in front of his friends. Doing so would mean something.

Such is the ability of female clothing to affect a man's state of mind that a not insignificant proportion of men choose to crossdress of their own accord, adopting often exaggerated caricatures of womanhood in an effort to escape their everyday concerns. That's not that different to how you might lose yourself in the make-believe world of a thrilling book or film, allowing them to forget about their other troubles, if only for a little while. Others may be more reluctant to dress up, but still can't help being influenced by what they're wearing when they do. A single item of intimate attire can command a man's attention with a heady mix of arousal and anxiety, as you'll discover if you suggest your husband secretly wear panties in public. No-one need ever know that his briefs are women's rather than men's - indeed, they could look very similar - but he'll be acutely aware of their presence all the same.

A maid's uniform, therefore, will have a powerful effect on your husband. Wearing one at your behest is an inherently submissive act, leaving him having to trust you not to take advantage of his resulting vulnerability. Simply by putting on an apron, he's exposing himself to potential embarrassment, giving you the power to humiliate him at any moment. In doing so, he not only cedes control, but also accepts you're in charge, a situation that will continue until he finally changes. In fact, what he wears is merely a means to this end, it being the submission that comes from being so conspicuously crossdressed that actually serves our purpose. Of course, that too has its own complexities.

Submission is certainly not an all or nothing affair. Outside of implausible caricatures such as the undefeatable warrior or the downtrodden doormat, it's perfectly normal for a man to submit in some areas of his life while taking the lead in others. The self-proclaimed head of the house still defers to his boss at work, just as the high-powered executive yields decisions about domestic matters to his wife. Indeed, men need an outlet for both sides, which is why those who have had a frustrating day at work sometimes take it out on their loved ones when they come home, but equally why those in leadership positions often seek to shed the burden of assuming authority behind closed doors. A disproportionate percentage of successful men are secretly sexually submissive, expressing an alter ego in the bedroom that's completely at odds with their public persona. Tales of politicians suffering at the hands of whip-wielding dominatrices may cause public scandal, but in the context of a loving marriage, kinky games are a harmless way for men, and indeed, women, to unwind.

It's important to note that not all crossdressers are submissive, nor is the reverse the case. There are crossdressers who adopt a more dominant persona when they dress up, as well as submissive men who have absolutely no desire to wear feminine attire. It's impossible to reduce the diverse range of human psychologies into a handful of overly broad stereotypes, with every individual being unique in their particular idiosyncrasies. Nevertheless, certain aspects come together more often than not, such that it's meaningful to speak of the submissive crossdresser, or “sissy” - a man who wears women's clothing not only to relinquish his masculine responsibilities, but to simultaneously demonstrate that he has done so. He can't be expected to make difficult decisions when he's obviously an airheaded bimbo, nor be seen as superior as a naughty schoolgirl, both roles that have a special attraction to submissive crossdressers by virtue of the distance they put between the men in question and their everyday lives.

Although it's unlikely you have much use for a bimbo or schoolgirl around the house, a maid offers more potential, while still ticking the same boxes for a man seeking a break from the dog-eat-dog world of male dominance. Consequently, if your husband does harbour such tendencies, you can channel his crossdressing into a mutually acceptable arrangement, allowing him to take a much needed time-out from the trials and tribulations of being a man in exchange for him taking the housework off your hands. However, he doesn't need to have any interest in crossdressing or submission for the two to work together, with the same aspects that some men so desperately seek proving just as effective for those who are initially more reluctant about donning an apron and dress.

What are some common misconceptions about male maids?

It's understandable if you find the idea of having your husband serve as your maid a little strange to start with, the suggestion that he might not only take care of the chores, but do so while crossdressed perhaps seeing you raise an eyebrow as you question its practicality. If he were even the slightest bit inclined to help around the house, wouldn't he be lending a hand already, without needing to be persuaded into an unlikely outfit? The thought of getting him into a maid's uniform might seem ludicrous enough without considering the training he'll surely need afterwards, the latter feeling more daunting than simply doing everything yourself. Rest assured that such concerns are quite common, as are the more nebulous worries that women often have when considering something new. Before we turn to how to get started, therefore, let's address any misconceptions you may have about having your husband serve as your maid:

will my husband really allow this to happen?

If you've ever chided your husband for not cleaning up after himself, you'll know how you can nag him to no avail, your words seeming to fall on deaf ears when they're about something he doesn't want to do. Even if you win the battle, you may feel as though you're fighting an endless war, it sadly often easier to tidy up the messes he makes than to have to hector him about them each time. If something as simple as getting him to take more care in the toilet can prove so troublesome, you may wonder what hope you have of persuading him to clean it - not just once, with protesting reluctance, but on a regular basis.

The approach we'll be presenting in the following chapter combines the magic of meaningful clothing with some simple but effective psychology to help your husband over any initial hurdles, adopting a gradual progression which will see him well on the way to becoming a fully fledged maid without him really noticing. His growing responsibilities will feel like a natural development rather than anything that was foisted on him under duress, your encouragement all that's needed for him to become accustomed to fulfilling the implicit expectations of his new role. Rather than tackle a wall of resistance head-on, we'll be side-stepping it with feminine cunning, directing rather than dragging your husband until he's in position to appreciate the advantages for himself.
can my husband really learn to clean the house?

Some men are so clueless when it come to domestic matters that it's a wonder they can tell one end of a vacuum cleaner from the other, it hardly seeming safe to leave them alone with such an appliance without risking them wreaking havoc around the house. The idea of letting your husband loose with even a duster may make you blanch, let alone endangering your clothes by asking him to do the laundry. When he can't even boil an egg without making a meal of it, there might seem little hope of him ever bringing you breakfast in bed, the constant eye you would have to keep on him anything but relaxing. As a maid, he might give a farce's bumbling bimbo a run for her money, but that's about it!

If you've always taken care of everything, then your husband has never had any reason to try - indeed, he will have learned to be helpless, it working to his advantage to remain ignorant. While he might not have come to that conclusion consciously, it's nevertheless easier for him not to make an effort, especially when there's no hope of his first, faltering attempts meeting the standards of someone to whom cleaning comes naturally thanks to the years of practice you've had. It shouldn't be surprising that he doesn't strive when doing so will see him shot down just as surely as if he sits back and shrugs, the latter having the benefit of him never being asked again.

In truth, however, even the most challenging of chores are no more difficult than tasks most men would tackle without thinking. Is cleaning a cooker really any harder than cleaning a car? It's only proficiency and masculine pride that makes them different in his mind, with most housework not requiring any special aptitude, merely a temporary surrender of the ego - something that having your husband wear a maid's outfit will achieve wonderfully! Like any other skill, practice makes perfect as far as the chores are concerned, confidence being rapidly built so long as you don't ask him to run before he can walk. Starting with simple tasks where he can't go too wrong, it's surprisingly straightforward to establish a foundation which can subsequently be developed further, extending your expectations incrementally until eventually your husband is doing everything exactly the way you want.
isn't being a maid demeaning?

Because of the menial nature of much of what a maid does, you may be concerned that you'd be demeaning your husband by having him adopt such a humble role. Equally, you may be uneasy about associating domestic drudgery with dressing as a woman, perhaps worried that doing so sends the wrong message about what it means to be female. The last thing you'd want would be for your husband to feel humiliated whenever you ask him to wear an apron, or for him to come to the conclusion that cleaning really is a woman's responsibility.

Actually, there's nothing shameful about providing an essential service, with many maids, both female and male, taking great pride in their position. That's matched by the appreciation of their employers, who know that without their dedication to duty, it wouldn't take long for laundry to pile up and surfaces to lose their shine. If anything, serving as your maid will teach your husband a new respect, not only for the housework, but for the house and himself as well, it being unlikely that he'll dismiss such matters as mere “women's work” when he's experienced first-hand what's involved.

While the effect of putting on a maid's uniform may be more pronounced on a man, its purpose is the same as when worn by a woman - to emphasise the wearer's role. Unconsciously adopting the associations of such attire, a man naturally becomes more submissive, but it is the context of the clothing that gives it meaning rather than merely its feminine nature. Just because he's worn a dress to do the dishes doesn't mean your husband will think of all such garments as belonging to maids, something you can reassure yourself about by supervising his efforts in a little black number yourself. His unfamiliarity with female clothing will help get him into the right frame of mind for the housework, but only because he doesn't wear it on other occasions - unlike women, who do.
is it fair to have him do the things I hate?

Few women want to make lives harder for their husbands, but asking the man you love to take care of things that are disagreeable enough for you not to want to do them yourself can seem like that, with the prospect of dumping the housework on him perhaps making you feel a little guilty. After all, if the chores were so appealing, he would surely be fighting to do them, rather than the reverse! A loving husband shouldn't stand back and watch his wife suffer, but equally, a loving wife shouldn't take advantage of her man. Isn't having him serve as your maid a dereliction of your own domestic responsibilities?

It's easy to assume your husband sees things the same way, especially if he's never shown any interest in helping out, but you'll never know what he'll make of, say, cleaning the kitchen until he's given it a try - it might be just the thing he needs to unwind after a hard day at work, if only he knew. Even a man who longs to be a maid may be reluctant to offer his assistance for fear of treading on his wife's toes, with many never having considered the possibility at all, falling in line with societal expectations to the cost of all concerned.

Your husband's strength may make light work of what you see as a strenuous struggle, or else he may appreciate the mind-numbing repetition of particular tasks as a welcome opportunity to meditate. Throw in a maid's uniform and the light-hearted role-play that goes with it, and you've livened up even the dullest of chores, presenting the housework as a very different package than if you were doing it yourself. While your husband may share some of your hates, his feelings won't be exactly the same - after all, he's a different person.
does my husband have to do everything?

There are some chores that are anything but, with many women taking pride in preparing meals. Others find that doing the ironing is surprisingly relaxing, an apparently boring task made pleasurable by being able to listen to the radio at the same time. The comfortable familiarity of a routine and the feeling of accomplishment that comes from a job well done are not solely the preserve of the male maid, whereas some women fear they wouldn't be fulfilling their half of the marital bargain if they washed their hands of all the housework. All this may leave you uneasy with the suggestion that someone else, least of all your husband, should take over tasks that have been traditionally yours.

Fortunately, you can have him help as much or as little as you like. Unlike the traditional lady of the house, there's no stigma in lending a hand, such that you can continue to enjoy the ironing while having your maid take care of those chores you find less agreeable. The beauty of being the mistress is that you make the rules, allowing you to share the load in a way that works for you. Of course, that doesn't mean you can't have your husband learn how to iron too, keeping his skills in reserve for when you're ill or simply fancy a night off, or perhaps leaving just the sheets for him to press. It's entirely up to you.
can my husband be both a man and a maid?

Having a live-in maid to wait upon you hand and foot might make for a delightful daydream, but it's not one you'd want to entertain should doing so come at the cost of losing the man you married. As much as you might like your husband to help a little more around the house, you still want him to be a man who can sweep you off your feet, not a servant who can only sweep a floor! Will he remain capable of making you ache when you've seen him on his knees in a frilly maid's dress? If not, what does that mean for your relationship?

You don't have to choose between hunk and housemaid - at least, not for any length of time. Just as you can adopt different roles as circumstances require, so too can your husband, with his clothing letting him know what's expected of him at any given time. That lets you enjoy the best of both worlds, adding the maid to the parts he can play in your marriage rather than removing his ability to take the lead when you'd like him to. As we'll discuss in more detail later, you can even pretend your maid is a completely different person, drawing a line between your husband's alter ego and the man he returns to being after he's finished the chores. He'll only be relinquishing the latter's responsibilities temporarily, his regular role waiting for him as soon as he removes his apron.
won't this lead to other things?

Searching for information about male maids can bring up all sorts of odd accounts, ranging from the obviously far-fetched to the downright disturbing. If you were to take what can be found online at face value, you'd be forgiven for thinking that dressing your husband up risks opening the door to much more, a maid's uniform apparently only a step away from every perversion imaginable. Whether that's humiliating him by taking on a lover, forcing him to engage in homosexual activity, or even having him castrated, such hateful treatment is hardly compatible with a loving marriage - indeed, it's enough to put any woman off asking for a little help around the house. Is that really what all this is about?

Needless to say, such stories should be taken with a very large pinch of salt. Sadly, similarly unlikely material can be found for almost any subject you might care to consider, but the existence of, say, unpleasant pornography involving ponies shouldn't put you off becoming an equestrienne. The sexual and submissive connotations of a maid's outfit can add spice to all manner of dishes, even those most right-minded people would regard as distasteful, but there's nothing in an apron and dress that prescribes a particular diet, least of all an unwholesome one. Having your husband become your maid merely provides a structure in which he can do the housework within the bounds of your existing relationship, regardless of what a fringe group of fantasists might purport.

The allure of abandoning the burdens of manhood is such that some submissive crossdressers allow their imaginations to run wild, painting implausible, yet provocative pictures of permanently relinquishing their responsibilities. That might be harmless enough were the outlandish stories they construct not tainted with the guilt that so often accompanies wanting to wear women's clothing, the latter going a long way to explain the aspects of compulsion, humiliation and degradation that all too frequently appear. Moreover, a desire to make things more exciting can lead to a profusion of themes - why stop at “consensually cleaning the kitchen for a couple of hours before bedtime”, when “forced to be my boss's maid and satisfy her lesbian lover before being locked back in the dungeon to await a severe whipping” makes for a more titillating read to those who are so minded? Just as men don't live out violent scenes from the action movies they enjoy, the reality of the male maid is thankfully far more sedate!
do I have to become a dominatrix?

The role of the maid naturally implies that of a mistress, but many women feel uncomfortable about playing a more dominant part, hardly seeing themselves barking orders in a black leather catsuit. Unless you're naturally assertive, living up to such clichés can be more effort than doing the cleaning yourself, micromanaging a husband turned housemaid seeming like a lot of work even before your thoughts turn to deterring disobedience. Doesn't a misbehaving maid need rigorous discipline, perhaps even physical punishment to keep him in line? If so, how can that possibly square with you being a loving wife, for whom the prospect of inflicting pain on the man you love may be just as agonising?

You certainly don't need to dominate your husband so overtly in order to elicit his submission, with positive reinforcement being more than sufficient to achieve remarkable results. His maid's uniform will provide a constant, unconscious reminder that it's his duty to make you happy, such that a disappointed frown can cut as deep as any whip. Indeed, your approval can become addictive, its absence capable of serving as motivation enough without you ever having to consider other means of correction. Even if you do, it's by no means necessary to raise your hand to him, with options such as corner time and imposing uncomfortable clothing requiring next to no effort on your part.

A formal maid's uniform has such a profound effect on a man that it's well worth having your husband dress the part, but you don't have to adopt any sort of special outfit to play the corresponding role. You can slum around in casual clothing, with comfortable slippers taking the place of stilettos if that's more your style, thinking of yourself as more a lady of leisure or a member of the idle rich than any kind of mistress. If you prefer, you can pretend you're merely a busy woman who's employing a maid as part of a professional arrangement, yet no matter what you wear, your husband's outfit will encourage him to serve.
do other couples really do this kind of thing?

Despite being accepted in many a marriage, crossdressing is still something that remains largely behind closed doors, with details often only coming out acrimoniously in the divorce courts. Equally, beyond the occasional sensational news story, it's fair to say you don't hear much about sexually submissive men, such proclivities hardly a subject that many would choose to discuss in public. That might lead you to believe that few couples engage in such activities, but similarly erroneous conclusions could be drawn about, say, masturbation. The seemingly most straight-laced of your friends might be the kinkiest of all, yet unless they choose to reveal what they do, you'll never be any the wiser.

With maid's uniforms for men being discreetly available online, and aprons and dresses easily concealed in a wardrobe when not being worn, there's no way to know who does the housework in any given house, save for being told. Many women who have their husbands serve as their maids would never think of sharing this secret side of their relationship, quite content to keep it strictly between themselves. A question that comes close to the mark might yield a sly smile, making a man feel nervous for a moment before his wife makes light of the spotless surfaces that warranted it. Might he find himself washing the tea things after you've gone, finding himself stammering a protest as she talks of one day having him present himself publicly in his maid's uniform? It happens more than you might think, but it doesn't really matter how many other couples enjoy such an arrangement, so long as what you do works for you.

Turning things around, that means you don't have to worry about other people discovering what you and your husband do - unless you deliberately choose to tell them, no-one need ever know that you have him help around the house, let alone what he might wear while he does. Nor is he likely to share your secret with all and sundry, neither cleaning nor crossdressing subjects that often come up in men's conversation, but easily sidestepped if they do. The idea that your husband might actually be your maid is hardly one that will spring to mind, a sly smile leaving no-one any the wiser should they comment on how clean things are.

he's the maid

Chapter 1: Why might I have my husband serve as my maid?

What are the benefits of having my husband serve as my maid?

Why have your husband serve as a maid rather than, say, a butler?

What's the connection between crossdressing and submission?

What are some common misconceptions about male maids?

How do I put these ideas into practice?