he's the maid

Chapter 2: How do I get my husband to start serving as my maid?

In the previous chapter, we discussed how dressing your husband as a maid encourages him to take care of the chores, explaining why the associations of a maid's uniform will put him in the perfect frame of mind for attending to the housework. It's easy to see how that would work when he's accustomed to it, but getting started is a very different matter. How do you persuade a man to don an apron for the first time, and what should you have him do once he's wearing it? That's what we'll be considering in this chapter, looking at how to begin, then develop your husband's domestic duties, overcoming any hurdles along the way.

If your husband has actively proposed serving as your maid, perhaps even having his own uniform already, then you won't have too much trouble persuading him to play along - indeed, you may find yourself having to curb his enthusiasm. That being said, even the keenest of men may become more reluctant when he realises he's expected to make himself useful rather than simply fool around. We'll be discussing how to get the best out of submissive crossdressers in the next chapter, but it's worth reading this one regardless of your situation.

With anything new, the very first step is the most difficult to take. An ongoing journey is much easier to continue along, especially when broken down into a series of imperceptibly small advances. It's natural for a man to be apprehensive about doing the housework should it be presented as a monolithic burden that he must bear in its entirety from the beginning. Not knowing what's involved, he's bound to imagine the worst, instinctively resisting being pushed far outside his comfort zone. Conversely, if he already does the dishes from time to time, he can easily be coaxed into doing a little more, if only wiping around the sink afterwards. Once he becomes comfortable with that, he might find himself doing the same with the surrounding work surfaces, then sweeping the floor, ultimately cleaning the entire kitchen without needing more than a series of gentle nudges, thanks to each new task only stretching him slightly.

We can summarise this approach in three points:

start with something simple

Don't discourage your husband by asking the impossible of him, but start with straightforward tasks where he can't go too wrong. Set a very low bar to begin with, accepting any initial shortcomings so that he can appreciate the sense of satisfaction that comes from successfully completing a chore. Establish the principle of him being your maid, rather than expecting perfection immediately.
progress slowly and gradually

Slowly but surely raise your standards over time, introducing new chores when your husband has become accustomed to those he already does. A series of small, incremental steps will achieve the same as a single big leap, but with much less fuss. Ideally, he should barely be aware of how you're gradually asking more and more of him, it only being by looking back that he'll see just how far he's come.
never give ground

No matter how slowly, always keep moving forwards, never backwards. Once your husband has taken on a responsibility, he should never be allowed to shirk it, save for swapping it for something more challenging. If you do temporarily reduce your expectations, perhaps because of illness, be sure to recover your position by having him make things up at the earliest possible opportunity.

A similar method can be employed for what he wears - your apron as a temporary stand-in, a frillier apron of his own, a little black dress beneath it, then lingerie beneath that, perhaps introduced an item at a time. Before you know it, he's a fully dressed maid, presenting himself for duty in a uniform that you might have struggled to persuade him into at the start. Any awkwardness about wearing increasingly feminine attire can be eased by making the first few times wearing anything new fun for him, but soon he'll be changing into it as a matter of course.

Once your husband has served as a maid once, it will become easier for him to do so again, with each time he helps around the house helping to establish his new role until he eventually accepts it as just another thing he does. Every man is different, but by taking a moment to evaluate your husband's particular skills and inclinations, you'll be able to find an opportunity to get started - we'll look at a variety of possibilities shortly. From there, it's simply a case of consistently following the above approach, keeping things playful to push past any reluctance. By adopting the principle of progressing slowly and never giving ground, even the most clueless of men can becoming a maid as proficient as any professional, however unlikely that may seem at the outset.

How can I test the waters?

You can broach the idea of having your husband become your maid in advance of actually asking him to do anything around the house, painting implausible, yet provocative pictures to get a feel for how amenable he might be. You might, for instance, turn your pillow talk towards the chores that await you when you get up, only to dismiss the thought with an unlikely daydream about lazing in bed while your sexily dressed servant takes care of everything for you - in between peeling you grapes and pampering your toes. That's who you married, wasn't it, a hunk of a housemaid who's going to have to quit his job so you don't have to worry about the washing ever again! Alternatively, if your husband is watching you prepare dinner, you could tell him that when you win the lottery, you're going to employ your very own maid to chop the vegetables - but if it's only a small prize, then you'll have to make do with buying him a frilly apron.

By deliberately being daft, you can avoid putting too many cards on the table, sounding out any stumbling blocks without challenging your husband to commit to anything. If he plays along with such flights of fancy in the same spirit, or perhaps counters with similarly light-hearted banter, you can gradually become more serious, looking towards having him wear an apron sooner rather than later. If he objects, however, you can seek to address the issues he raises, still within the context of your make-believe world if that works to your advantage. Does he see the chores as being women's work? Then he'll just have to dress as one, but you don't mind showing him how to paint his nails and do his make-up so he'll really look the part! Is wearing a dress something only homosexuals do? Then you'll have to avoid them yourself, just in case he's right! Can men not be maids? You thought his balls were big enough not to be threatened by a bit of housework, but if he's going to be such a sissy, then you'd better check his testicles are still there - something that would be so much easier if he were wearing the frilly skirt that befits such an attitude.

Silly suggestions of full-time service and outrageous outfits will make what you eventually ask of your husband seem perfectly reasonable in comparison - indeed, it can be presented as a retort to any protest. “Well, if you're not prepared to clean the whole house, then you can at least do the dishes for me sometime”, you can tell him, going on to make even such an everyday task sound sexy. “I'm not sure I'd be able to keep my hands off you, though, not if you were wearing a pair of pink rubber gloves. Phwoar! Are you sure you don't want to be my scrubber?”. No matter how your husband might react, you can't lose with a playful approach - after all, you're just fooling around, but maybe he should be helping more with the housework if he's going to make such a fuss about it. Over time, even a reluctant man can be softened up, the previously unthinkable becoming more acceptable simply as a result of regular suggestion.

How can I persuade my husband to be my maid for the very first time?

If your husband has never done much in the way of housework, it's unrealistic to expect him to jump into it right from the start, with a serious proposal that he tackles the whole house while wearing a full maid's uniform likely to prove counter-productive. Instead, it's better to get him to accept the basic principles to begin with, having him express his submission symbolically in three distinct ways. Firstly, he needs to do something for you, no matter how small that might be. Secondly, he should wear something different while doing so, even if that's just the plainest of aprons. Thirdly, there needs to be a suggestion, however light-hearted, that the other two aspects make him your maid. All three can be developed in due course, but for the moment, we're sowing seeds.

Considering what your husband can do for you, it's best to choose something relatively undemanding - a straightforward chore that he can accomplish to an acceptable standard without expending too much effort. Ideally, this shouldn't require previous experience, but still yield a tangible benefit so long as he tries his best - no matter how poor that may be. A task that you would normally take care of yourself, although not one that's particularly onerous, makes for a good choice in that it allows your husband to feel that he's helped you out, whereas if he shares responsibility for the underlying cause, there's a moral case to made for him doing so. If it requires an apron for protection, then so much the better, even if you're wanting him to wear one for other reasons!

If that sounds like a tall order, think again - you need only turn to the kitchen sink! Doing the dishes might seem like the most humdrum of chores, but it actually ticks all the boxes. Washing up is something that most men have done at least once in their lives, but even if your husband has never been up to his elbows in soapy water before, he can't go too wrong. Even the most perfunctory of rinses can be regarded as passable, especially if you choose an evening when your new washer-up won't have a greasy grill pan to contend with. The difference between a higgledy-piggledy pile of dirty plates and the same crockery shining on the draining board is obvious, with your husband's sense of satisfaction added to by the fact that half of the dishes were his. For once, he's taking care of the mess that he's made, instead of expecting you to do so!

It doesn't matter if you have a dishwasher, as there are always things that shouldn't be put in them, or else would benefit from more particular attention. If you've previously let such things slide, you can suddenly become more of a stickler about them, perhaps having read somewhere (this book!) that you've been risking spoiling the glassware (it's true - a dishwasher can permanently etch things). Needless to say, your husband will do a much better job - indeed, as we'll see later, it's important you show him that his efforts are appreciated.

Regardless of what exactly he's washing, all the water sloshing around warrants an apron, ostensibly to stop his clothes from getting wet. If you have one of your own, then that will suffice to start with, so long as its straps have enough slack in them to be slipped over his head and tied behind his back - something that you can take charge of if your husband is reluctant to do so. It's possible that he might protest about being asked to wear what he sees as yours, but he won't really have grounds to object when its purpose is purely practical. If he does, you can easily turn it to your advantage - “Anyone would think I'm asking you to wear one of my dresses! If it bothers you so much, I'll buy you one of your own!”, you might playfully suggest, making your apron appear as the lesser of two evils. It shouldn't take much to get him into it, the nature of such garments allowing them to be quickly pulled on, but if your husband requires some persuasion, you can be sure he's aware of its meaning.

After all, an apron serves as a surrogate for a fuller uniform, a fact you can start to stress as soon as your husband is wearing one. “Just like a maid!”, you can tell him, such light-hearted teasing nevertheless having more serious undertones. “You've no choice but to do the dishes now! You don't get to take it off until you're done! Come on, get scrubbing!”. Once again, your husband can't really object, instead having to accept such suggestions if he's not to make an unreasonable fuss about them. Is that really worth the trouble, or will he find it easier just to go along with your little game? He might not know it, but in doing so, he's taking his very first step towards becoming your maid, accepting your authority about what he wears and what he does. Having overcome that hurdle, it's then simply a case of taking him a little further each time.

How can I ensure his first time as my maid goes smoothly?

The aim of having your husband wash the dishes isn't really to clear the sink of them, however welcome that may be. Rather, it's to set a precedent, establishing that he can indeed help around the house. Of course, like so many chores, it's not enough for him to do so only once, the plates no sooner having been put back in the cupboard before they'll surely needing cleaning again. In order to avoid having to persuade him from scratch each time, it's important to leave your husband with a positive impression, showing your appreciation for his efforts even if that means accepting a less than stellar result to start with.

You wouldn't expect to be able to speak a foreign language fluently on the first attempt, instead perhaps only stammering a few words of fractured syntax that would surely earn scorn from an unkind native. While doing the dishes is hardly in the same league, it still requires a degree of practice before it can be perfected, with your husband needing to be allowed to make mistakes in order to learn. Unfamiliarity with even the simplest of chores can combine with self-consciousness to see him want to throw in the towel, it taking no more than a critical comment to snuff out what little confidence he may have.

Perhaps he uses too much detergent, or else not enough. Perhaps he splashes water everywhere, yet still manages to leave suds on the plates. It doesn't matter so long as he's doing his best, with his première in an apron being a time for patience rather than perfectionism. Rather than thinking of him as a professional cleaner at this stage, consider him a shy apprentice who has yet to learn the ropes, or even a child who doesn't know any better. That may require you to act as a teacher, leading by example before having him show you what he's learned. A gentle correction of gross omissions may be necessary, but the finer points can wait until he's more comfortable in his new role.

Your husband might look slightly ludicrous in an apron, but it's important that he shouldn't feel an object of ridicule because of what you've asked to him to wear, nor should he be mocked for making what might seem the most elementary of errors. If you can't keep your amusement to yourself, suggest that your smile is that of delight at seeing him willing to dress up and be a bit daft for you, reassuring him with a tender touch or an affectionate word that you love him all the more for being willing to go along with your little game. Any teasing should be light-hearted, focusing on what a cute and capable maid he makes, even if that's patently not the case. Don't give your husband the impression that he is being humiliated or punished by being made to do the housework, but instead express your happiness at having even some of it taken off your hands.

Few people work well with someone constantly watching them, least of all when they're not sure what they're doing. Rather than hovering over your husband, leave him to his own devices once you're satisfied he's made a start, perhaps popping back periodically to make sure there aren't any problems. By telling him to come and find you when he think he's finished, you not only get him used to the idea of working without supervision, but also stress that you have the final say about when he can take off his apron. If your husband has removed it before presenting himself, make a point of having him put it back on before returning to inspect his efforts, playfully scolding him about how you expect your maid to stay properly dressed until you relieve him from duty.

It's more important for your husband to feel he has made a contribution than for him to have actually done so. Even if you see yourself having to go back and redo everything yourself afterwards, praise him for his successes, however small they may be, not mentioning his failings beyond suggesting how he might do even better next time. It is the fact that he has tried that is important, his willingness to put his pride on the line being enough to earn your appreciation. After all, by the time your husband hangs up his apron, he will indeed have made a huge advance, having served as your maid for the very first time. There will be ample opportunities for him to improve his skills thereafter, both of you knowing there's no reason why he can't help out again.

How can I develop what he does?

Putting off a chore today will only make it harder to face tomorrow, whereas a task that is taken care of as part of a routine will always remain manageable. It's no wonder that the lazy often live in squalor, there being no middle way as far as cleaning is concerned. To start with, therefore, it's important to get your husband into the habit of doing something regularly, regardless of how small that may be, establishing a pattern with the aim of making it second nature. Indeed, with a view to the long term, it is better for him to do the dishes consistently every Sunday than it is to have him to clean the entire kitchen more haphazardly. Doing so helps your husband develop discipline, instilling a sense of responsibility that will become harder for him to shirk the more often he accepts it. Over time, he'll naturally fall into a familiar groove, donning his apron to do the chores without you even having to ask.

A good way of achieving this is to make what he does for you follow on automatically from other activities, or else to find an obvious slot for it. You might, for example, expect him to do the dishes after dinner, perhaps just on Sundays to start with, making it clear that because you've cooked, it's his job to clear the table before you leave the room. Of course, clearing the table is merely a prelude to washing the plates, serving as a distraction from the otherwise overwhelming lure of a comfortable chair. Equally, you could declare that Tuesday night is chores night, taking advantage of the end of a particular television programme to present him with his apron at the same time every week.

When your husband has yet to become accustomed to his obligations, he may well protest, but it's critical to push past any initial reluctance, never allowing him to wheedle his way out of things. The suggestion that he's done something before and so can do it again becomes more and more powerful as he builds up a streak, with the fact that you're not asking anything overly onerous of him also serving to strengthen your argument. That's why we took pains to make your husband's first time in an apron as painless as possible - there's nothing as daunting as the unknown, but familiarity lends itself to being accepted. “You did so last Tuesday” soon becomes “You always do so on a Tuesday”, there coming a point when you won't have to remind him about his regular routine. Once a week can then become twice a week, then every evening should you so choose.

Once your husband is reaching for his apron of his own accord, you can give him more in the way of chores. We'll discuss how a maid's responsibilities can be gradually developed to encompass the whole house in a later chapter, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't expect incremental improvement even while he's still coming to terms with doing the washing up. Raising the bar a little might mean no longer overlooking all of his shortcomings, or else stretching his abilities with slightly more difficult things to wash - the innards of the food processor or the coffee grinder, the greasy grill pan or that oven dish that always ends up with bits of burnt food stuck to it. Again, the results don't have to be perfect to start with, it being enough that your husband has tackled more.

There's always something that can be praised, and yet there's always room for improvement. By sandwiching constructive criticism between appreciation of his efforts, you can encourage your husband to try harder, framing his failings as ways he can make you even happier. That might mean pointing out areas that would benefit from additional attention before having him go back and remedy them, or offering him helpful advice that you have him repeat to show that he's understood it. Should you make a mental note to check next time, nudging him gently should he forget, your husband will soon learn to listen to what you have to say, upping his game in order to ensure your praise. It won't be long before he'll be able to graduate from the dishes, but that doesn't need any great fanfare, such that he may never realise that he's starting to clean the kitchen when you casually ask him to wipe around the sink. Before you know it, you'll have a maid you can be proud of, and a husband who is proud to be your maid, thanks to nothing more than pushing him a little more each time.

How can I develop what he wears?

With enough small steps, your husband can come to clean the entire house, his skills naturally evolving in tandem with your expectations without him ever being excessively challenged. That's because pretty much any chore can be broken down into stages, made less demanding by either temporarily lowering standards or starting with a simpler variant. Unfortunately, it's not possible to segue between maid's uniforms in a similarly seamless way, there being an undeniable jump between having your husband wear your kitchen apron and a frilly affair of his own, let alone a full maid's dress. Nevertheless, the latter is so much more effective at affecting a man's state of mind that it's worth the trouble of getting him into one, cotton backed PVC not packing the same punch when it comes to having him do the dusting as well as the dishes.

If you'd lent your husband almost anything else that he ended up using regularly, you'd want him to have one of his own rather than continuing to borrow yours, such that it's not unreasonable to buy him something to do the dishes in. As we'll see in a later chapter, kitchen aprons come in all manner of styles, meaning that you don't have to opt for plain and practical - indeed, you shouldn't, instead choosing something with more connotations. Even so, you can suggest that a flouncy, floral affair was the best you could find, or else dismiss its feminine frills in favour of focusing on the protection it offers. Moreover, a gift comes with certain obligations, not least that your husband should try it on to see how it might fit - to do otherwise would be churlish, especially after you've gone to such trouble to get it for him. You can tease him about wanting to wear yours in preference should he protest, or else suggest that the apron was on offer, so you can't take it back - something that will certainly be the case after he's worn it to do the washing up in. Of course, you should show your appreciation for his acquiescence, expressing your delight while stressing how much better he looks in an apron of his own.

Unless your husband is amenable to crossdressing, he's more likely to baulk at you doing the same with a dress. Rather than spring anything more on him out of the blue, therefore, it's better to look for opportunities where a fuller maid's outfit can be introduced as a convenient consequence of circumstances. Once your husband has grown used to you referring to him as your maid, you can casually share with him women wearing more formal uniforms, perhaps in one of the many films or television programmes that feature such. Maids don't have to play a leading part to suffice, a passing appearance being enough if you don't fancy any of the romantic comedies or period dramas that focus on them. Nor does it matter if you have something different in mind to the staid servants or barely dressed bimbos you'll find in sitcoms and farces, merely needing to raise the idea that most maids wear more than an apron. By playfully teasing your husband with the suggestion that he should do the chores in something similar, you can easily deflect any objections by pretending that you're just joking, even as you begin to lay the groundwork for him actually wearing more.

Another alternative is to search for sexy maid's outfits online, asking your husband's opinion about various options while remaining ambiguous about who they might be for. The difference between uniforms intended for fooling around in the bedroom and those meant for more serious servants can provoke plenty of discussion, as well as allowing you to ask “either/or” questions where you can't lose. “Would you rather wear this one or that one when you're doing your chores?”, you might quip, not even needing to be seriously considering either option as you seek to get a feel for your husband's preferences. The way in which photographs of potential purchases are generally staged with attractive models won't do any harm here, even if he's a far cry from the girls flaunting their figures in satin and lace. Should he find them too attractive, you can insist that he should agree to wear something similar to show you he doesn't see such women as mere sex objects, but if he is reluctant to respond to their charms, you can challenge him more explicitly about them as you curl up together. “I don't know how much cleaning she's going to get done, not if she keeps bending over like that”, you might laugh, emulating the very same pose. Even if you don't order an outfit, you can have a lot of fun looking!

Having something to hand opens the door to opportunities to have your husband wear it. You might propose that he has to dress “properly” as a forfeit for losing a bet, balancing that with a correspondingly attractive outcome should things go the other way - perhaps offering to humour his particular penchants about your own clothing. When presented in the right terms, most men downplay the possibility of not winning, but there are no losers in such light-hearted games so long as you both have fun either way. Donning a pair of sexy stilettos or lounging around in lingerie is a small price to pay for having him dress up as well - you might even do so anyway to reward him for being a good sport. Regardless of whether you skew things in your favour, your husband's sense of honour should see him go along with his half of the bargain without needing too much persuasion, his commitment apparently no more than a single session of chores wearing whatever outfit you might produce. As with anything new, that should be a positive experience for him, your appreciation ensuring you'll be able to bring his maid's dress out again sooner rather than later.

Alternatively, if your husband owes you one for going out of your way for him, you can have him return the favour when he next does the housework. Gritting your teeth through lunch with your in-laws needn't be so stressful should you agree that he'll be pampering you in exchange, a fuller maid's uniform merely part of the deal. If you've had to get all dolled up to accompany him to a dull work function, then it's only fair that he should wear something extra for you while helping around the house - even if that something happens to be frilly! Along similar lines, if he has something to make up to you or say sorry for, then agreeing to wear a maid's dress is a great way of doing so, all the more so if the crime in question involves him having made a mess. There's no reason why you can't turn the natural give and take of your marriage to your advantage here, so long as the matter concludes with your husband feeling happy about how things turned out. “I'm actually glad you came home so late”, you can tell him afterwards, “or I'd never have got to see how much better you look in a proper maid's dress!”.

Believe it or not, there are occasions when it's socially acceptable for men to dress as women - indeed, the more outlandish their attire, the better. Some cultures see adults celebrate Halloween as enthusiastically as any children, with the sexy maid a perennially popular choice of costume. Fancy dress parties aren't restricted to the end of October, however, there being opportunities to dress up throughout the year - whether in the name of charity, or simply to have a good time. If your husband would otherwise be renting an outfit, why not go a little further and buy him something he can wear long after the festivities have been forgotten? He's sure to amaze all who see him should you take him out brandishing a feather duster, especially if you go to town on the trimmings, but what he does with it when you come home can stay strictly between the two of you - no matter how much use his new uniform might subsequently get!

Your husband doesn't have to be a submissive crossdresser for you to suggest he dresses up for sex, with many men being open to doing something different in the bedroom so long as the mood is right. That might mean fooling around with a maid's accoutrements first or engaging in erotic role-play in which he has to do as his mistress says to enjoy your attentions, working him up to a point where he'll be willing to wear what you ask in order to continue such games. With his sexual drive on your side, you might have your husband promise to dress even more like a maid as you pleasure him in just his apron, or even persuade him to slip into something you've left conveniently under the pillow. That needn't be a full uniform - a sexy bra or pair of panties works just as well to make a point, such intimate attire naturally leading to more when you have him wear it again to do the chores. Be sure to imbue it with fond memories, overcoming any inhibitions that your husband may have by creating a relaxed, non-judgemental environment in which to introduce the idea of him wearing women's things.

If you start developing your husband's maid's outfit by introducing him to lingerie, you can have him wear it as a naughty little secret before changing your mind and telling him that something's not right about such a combination - not his apron, nor the bra and panties beneath, but the men's clothes in the middle. Conversely, if you begin by having your husband wear a dress, you can remark on the mismatch between it and his masculine underwear, or else suggest that his legs would look much better if he wore hosiery. Once the ball's rolling, you can come back and fill in the missing pieces, either introducing intimate attire and accessories an item at a time, or else having a special dress-up session where you establish what your maid will be wearing thereafter. We'll look at exactly what that might include in a later chapter, but for now, it's enough to note the importance of such a goal, however long-term it might be. An apron might encourage a man to do the dishes, but a proper outfit will have a much more profound effect on his mindset as he helps around the house.

How can I develop his sense of being my maid?

Having your husband dress the part is by far the best way of making him feel like a maid, with the associations of a stylised dress and apron serving to remind him of his role without any further effort on your behalf. At the same time, a man who has accepted his position as a maid will regard it as natural to dress like one, the two aspects mutually strengthening one another. Sadly, it's not possible to just click your fingers and magically go from neither to both in an instant, with the lesser associations of a plainer apron benefiting from additional reinforcement to suggest that it is indeed the attire of a maid.

Even if your husband is just doing the dishes, he isn't just doing the dishes. He's making you happy by serving as your maid, helping around the house so you don't have to do everything yourself. These are all points that you can remind him of regularly, not only stressing how pleased you are that he's prepared to do his bit, but associating that with the role he's adopting. “How's my maid getting along?”, you might ask, answering your own question with words of praise. “Ooh, you've done all those dishes for me! You're such a good maid!”.

It's important that your husband shouldn't be ashamed about being your maid, but rather come to regard his position as a source of pride. By consistently using the word in a positive way, you'll dispel any negative connotations it may initially hold for him. You can also make mention of other aspects that you wish to develop similarly - while “obedient”, “thoughtful” and “devoted” may not necessarily be seen as compliments by a man in other contexts, they can certainly be used as such alongside more clear-cut appreciation - not only verbal, but tactile too. It'll be hard for your husband to feel that you're disparaging him by referring to him as your “hard-working maid who never complains but always does what I want” when you simultaneously give him a hug to say thank you, such a combination encouraging him to live up to those expectations in the future.

Your husband isn't just a maid, however, but your maid. Stressing your possession helps strengthen your respective roles even if you don't refer to yourself as his mistress, as well as adding meaning to what might otherwise be mundane chores. He's washing the dishes for you, if not washing your dishes, a fact that makes you so happy that you might remark on it long after the plates in question have been returned to the cupboard. “My maid washed these”, you can say as you idly consider the fruits of his labours with a smile. He'll struggle to object to doing so again should you ask whether your “wonderful maid” is going to take care of everything after you've finished your meal, even if you do tease him a little about how he's going to have to wear his apron. Of course, that's his “maid's apron”, however plain it may be, and putting it on can be spoken of as “getting dressed for duty”, setting the scene for more.

Teasing should never be anything other than affectionate, however. Your husband certainly shouldn't feel he is being ridiculed or humiliated, but rather that he enjoys a very special place when he's your maid - like a beloved toy or pet, played with, but never hurt. Accepting your authority may be be a challenge at first if he's used to calling the shots, but gently putting him in his place with good humour will remind him that maids are supposed to be submissive. Indeed, you can speak of such servants in general should his efforts not meet your standards, making it clear that you expect better by comparing him to the role models he's meant to be emulating. “Good maids don't leave the dishcloth in the sink like that”, you might chide. “They give it a rinse and then wring it out”. Naturally, a maid who listens to his mistress before following her example should be applauded for it, even if you choose to do so in very similar terms. “See? That wasn't that difficult, was it? I knew my maid could manage it!”.

In the previous chapter, we considered the benefits that serving as your maid has for your husband. A man who isn't keen to don an apron may benefit from being reminded about these as he takes care of the housework, perhaps with an occasional comment about how he doesn't need to concern himself with anything more than the cleaning, or else by drawing attention to the difference he's making. “Doesn't it feel good to have done all that?”, you can ask. “So much simpler than all those spreadsheets you were grumbling about! You don't need to worry about anything like that when you're my maid, do you? You can forget everything else when you're wearing your apron and just focus on making me happy! Look how clean this is, thanks to you!”. Even if your husband doesn't find himself dreaming of doing the dishes when he's next staring at a computer screen full of sales figures, he'll certainly be more appreciative of the change of pace that being your maid offers for having it pointed out to him.

How do I overcome any teething troubles?

In principle, that's all there is to it! You have your husband wear something that suggests he's a maid, no matter how vaguely, then deliberately emphasise that association while getting him to help around the house. To begin with, that might mean nothing more than him doing the dishes in a borrowed apron, but over time, you gradually extend his responsibilities, deepening his acceptance of his role by adding further symbolic attire. By never giving ground, but instead progressing slowly yet surely, you'll ultimately be able to ask your husband to take care of whatever you want in the way of chores, his maid's uniform making it seem natural for him to follow your instructions. Moreover, by donning a costume and doing the cleaning, he'll discover a means to express otherwise repressed aspects of his personality, enjoying the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, your appreciation, and an opportunity to unwind.

Many men take to their new duties like ducks to water, even those who might never have considered being a maid without it being suggested to them. Others require a little more time to find their feet, their prejudices and doubts making them reluctant to approach something unfamiliar with a sufficiently open mind. Such men aren't the only ones who might initially be hesitant, however, it being possible that you may have misgivings even after you've seen what an apron can do. As with any venture into the unknown, it's not uncommon to experience a few teething troubles before you both become comfortable, but such problems are easily surmounted. Let's take a look at some of the issues that might arise when starting out, as well as how they can be resolved.

he deliberately does a bad job of things

It's not unreasonable to have high standards. You wouldn't pay a professional cleaner to half-heartedly attempt the housework, with an unenthusiastic maid unlikely to be invited back. Unfortunately, that's a fact not lost on some men, whose initial performance may be deliberately poor in the hope that making a mess of things will mean they won't be asked to help again. Sometimes expressed unconsciously, such acting up may stem from them doubting their abilities or harbouring a resentment about what they're being asked to do, yet it can be difficult to distinguish from them simply being clueless when it comes to the chores. That's compounded by it being easy for you to forget just how challenging seemingly straightforward tasks may be at first, their familiarity perhaps leading you to assume that any ineptness must be born of ill will.

Rather than trying to determine the reasons for your husband's shortcomings, however, it's best to assume good faith, treating him with patience even when it's obvious he's attempting to provoke you. Doing so tells a scheming man that seeking to shirk his responsibilities through strategic incompetence won't get him anywhere, while at the same time avoiding an unhelpful confrontation with a husband who may be genuinely perplexed about how to wash a plate. Regardless, you're going to show him how things should be done, and then he's going to follow your lead, as many times as are necessary for him to learn.

Some men feel ashamed to ask for advice even when they've no idea about what they're doing, preferring to struggle in silence or even become snappy rather than admit their ignorance. By doing a chore together and gently nudging your husband in the right direction should he start to go wrong, you can save him from having to swallow his pride, providing your guidance as part of a running commentary which also includes praise for everything he's doing right. He need never acknowledge how much you're helping him, but by standing back and letting him do the bulk of the work, you have him demonstrate that he is indeed capable of a particular chore - something which will make it harder for him to deny his skills later. “I know you can do better that this, just look at last week”, you can tell him should his efforts subsequently not prove up to scratch, sending him back to sort things out to your satisfaction.

Either way, such an approach should see results. An uncooperative man will soon drop his act when he realises it isn't working, whereas one lacking basic skills will quickly pick them up, allowing you to step back and leave him to it. In the end, it doesn't really matter why your husband's first attempts at housework didn't make the grade - indeed, he might not be able to tell you that himself, but his unconscious motivations are best left forgotten as you move on. After all, his mistakes aren't important - it's what he is capable of doing that counts, something which will only improve with time.
he makes excuses

Some men are prone to trying to wheedle their way out of things they don't want to do, always capable of finding a reason why they can't take care of the chores if you give them half a chance. Rather than refusing outright, your husband may seek to put off his responsibilities with pleas of being too tired or too busy, promising to tackle whatever you ask tomorrow. If you're not careful, he'll have other reasons why he can't do so then too, continuing to find excuses in the hope that you'll eventually forget, or else grow so tired of chasing him that you decide it's less hassle just to do whatever it is yourself.

Establishing a regular routine early helps reduce this risk, getting your husband used to the idea of having to do something while the effort involved is still small. If you're sufficiently determined that he's going to do the dishes without fail, it'll hardly seem worth him making a fuss, working his way through a few plates less trouble than trying to change your mind. Unfortunately, this is an area where you need to have a little discipline yourself in order to help your husband develop his own, not letting him get into bad habits but insisting that the housework must come first. For every excuse he might come up with, you should find a rebuttal, making it clear that you're not going to take no for an answer. The sooner he gets the chores done to your satisfaction, the sooner he can do what he wants, whether that's going out with friends or simply slumping in the sofa. If he's busy, then a change of pace is as good as break, whereas if he comes back late from work, he's just going to start and finish late.

When Monday night has been maid night for months, a procrastinating man might occasionally try his luck with a token protest, but he'll otherwise have come to regard his responsibilities as just something else to be fitted into his schedule. If he genuinely can't because of special circumstances, then he should make things up at the earliest possible opportunity, perhaps even doing more to pay off the “interest” that has accumulated on his debt. You'll soon discover how pressing your husband's engagements are when you present him with a choice of his usual chores today or his usual chores plus cleaning out the refrigerator tomorrow. Equally, if you're wanting to develop his uniform, you can take advantage of such an arrangement to add to what he wears, getting him used to more feminine garments in the guise of a temporary penance. Needless to say, such interest should never be allowed to roll over any more than any other kind of loan - that's the road to ruin!

Sometimes the thought of having to do housework can be worse than what's actually involved, it being natural for a man not to want to leave the comfort of his chair to begin cleaning. Ironically, getting started is generally enough to overcome such lethargy, with making an effort often proving reinvigorating. If your husband struggles to muster sufficient energy himself, you can present him with an apparent compromise to persuade him past this initial reluctance. “How about you just do the dishes for me, and then we'll see?” is more likely to get him moving, requiring much less of a commitment upfront even if you intend to have him complete all of his regular chores.

To show that you mean business, you can bring your husband his apron, standing over him until he puts it on, if not helping him into it yourself. If he wears a more formal uniform, you can insist on him donning part of it, be that a choker or headpiece to make a symbolic statement, or perhaps an item of intimate attire that will require him to strip. Again, you can assist, adopting a combination of stern and sexy that's sure to beat laziness and lethargy - few men can refuse a woman's fingers beginning to unbutton their shirt! Once he's changed into his maid's outfit, it will not only seem natural for him to start on the chores, but to continue right through them - so much so that you may not need to provide piecemeal encouragement. When he's finally finished everything he should, you can make light of the fuss he made, expressing the hope that you won't hear similar again even as you praise him for doing more than the bare minimum. “There, that wasn't so bad, was it? You've managed to do everything!”.
he takes issue with the idea of being a maid

Some men have difficulty accepting even playful talk of them being a maid, perhaps feeling that their masculinity is being threatened despite only being asked to don an apron and do the dishes. One might think they had been referred to as a footstool or doormat from their reaction to even light-hearted teasing, let alone more serious proposals that they should accept such a submissive role. If your husband responds negatively to your suggestions that he should regard what he's doing for you in that way, you might wonder whether you'll be able to progress further, it seeming unlikely he'll don a formal uniform, nor fall into the mindset that comes with wearing one to do the chores.

A strong reaction confirms that the archetype of the maid has particular meaning for him, such that he'll be profoundly affected by adopting it, if only he could see it in a more positive light. That might mean you talking through what bothers him, encouraging him to share his feelings before showing him that there's actually nothing to be afraid of. His concerns may be more emotional than rational, however, instinctive reactions that he might have difficulty expressing. If so, you should take the lead, reassuring him that you're not seeking to make him less of a man, nor humiliate him by having him do the housework in an apron. You're simply looking to find a way to make doing his fair share fun, livening up what would otherwise be dull drudgery by making a game of it - one you'd love him to play along with. He's all the more your man for being willing to be your maid once in a while, a fact you'll remind him of when he's finished.

Depending on the mood, you can present the status quo alongside less likely alternatives to help put it in perspective, asking whether he would rather you called him your “cleaning lady” or suggesting that your real plan is to have him quit his job for a life of scrubbing floors, never allowing him to take off his apron as you banish him to the cupboard beneath the stairs. Being daft will discourage your husband from taking matters too seriously himself, making it easier to laugh away an overreaction without him feeling that he's lost face. Contrasting such far-fetched scenarios against the benefits of him being a more realistic maid from time to time, you may be able to stretch his boundaries, especially if you show your appreciation for whatever he is prepared to agree to.
he takes his apron off

Although an apron will encourage your husband to be more submissive, he may still be tempted to take it off, especially when your back is turned. That may be because something comes up, such as an unexpected phone call, or because he thinks he's finished his allotted chores, even though that should be down to you to decide. He might even do so because he's had enough for one evening, pulling off his apron in favour of putting up his feet - a sentiment that you may be able to sympathise with, but one that doesn't get the cleaning done! Short of keeping a constant eye on him, it can be hard to know how to keep your husband properly dressed, without which his sense of being a maid is all too easily lost. After all, it isn't just his apron that he's seeking to shed - he's also trying to shirk the responsibilities that come with it.

Fortunately, it's enough to check up on him periodically, something that you'll want to do anyway when starting to ensure that he's not struggling. If your husband has shown a propensity for slipping out of his apron, he can be congratulated for continuing to wear it, a regular drip-feed of appreciation contrasting with your disappointment should you find him out of it. There's no need to get angry about that, however, nor to ask him to explain himself - simply present him with his apron again and insist that he puts it back on, telling him that he has to wear it until you say otherwise. It doesn't matter whether you catch him in the very act of removing his apron, or next see him an hour later - even if you know that he's done everything he should, it's worth making a point, having your husband ask you whether there's anything more he can do before finally giving him permission to take it off. Only then is he allowed to.

Cleaning should be a maid's first priority, such than an unexpected phone call should only interrupt your husband's efforts for as long as is absolutely necessary. As a grown man, he should already know how to quickly wrap up a call on the grounds of having more pressing business, it merely being a matter of him coming to think of the chores in that way. He's not just delaying the dishes by discussing business out of hours, he's disrespecting you, it being his duty as both a maid and a husband to put your needs first - certainly not to chat with his friends! If he must take more than a minute, let alone remove his apron to attend to something else, then he should be thinking of how to make things up to you, it being perfectly reasonable for you to propose means in which he can.

While it's almost impossible to prevent a man from divesting himself of something he doesn't want to wear, you can nevertheless discourage your husband from taking off his apron by making it harder for him to do so - knotting its straps around the belt loops of his trousers is an easy way to achieve this. A fuller outfit also serves to raise the bar, as does lingerie that brings with it its own difficulties about getting out of, with some garments capable of literally being locked in place. When undressing takes several minutes, he won't be doing so in a hurry, but you don't have to put your husband in a dress to benefit from the suggestion of doing so. A playful threat that if he can't keep his apron on, he'll find himself wearing much more of a maid's uniform can swing the balance for even the most impulsive of men, with any further failings giving you a pretext for going ahead and adding to his outfit.
I feel weighed down with responsibility

At the beginning of this book, we painted a picture of a lady of leisure sitting back and relaxing while her servants scurry around seeking to satisfy her every whim. That's a far cry from having to show a clueless husband how to do the simplest of things every five minutes, a bumbling maid being anything but relaxing should he constantly bother you with questions. Rather than relinquishing responsibility for the chores, you might wonder whether you've taken on yet another burden by asking your husband to do the housework, perhaps ill at ease with how you're expected to have all the answers. Making demands and imposing discipline can be draining if you don't see yourself as naturally dominant, but even mundane decisions may leave you feeling as though you're muddling through your new role just as much as your man might be his.

When starting out, it helps to metaphorically hold your husband's hand, but you don't actually need to know what you're doing any more than he does. If you've never been particularly adept at housework yourself, you can simply suggest he tries something and sees how it works, leaning from his experience without letting on where yours stops. You certainly don't need to teach him every last detail - indeed, it does a man good to discover time-saving tricks by himself. To begin with, your husband may benefit from a little reassurance that he's not going too wrong, but he can soon be told to try and figure things out without troubling you. So long as the end results meet your satisfaction, the intermediary steps involved need not be your concern, it being down to your husband to find the most efficient way of fulfilling your wishes. That may mean him consulting one of the many how-to guides that can be found online, or else employing trial and error in order to improve his performance. Either way, he'll eventually develop a proficiency born of practice, without you having to instil in him more than a modicum of confidence and a desire to please.

If you suspect that your husband is asking questions all the time simply to avoid having to think for himself, or even trying to shirk his responsibilities by being a nuisance, you can spell out the areas you wish to be consulted about and let him know the rest is his problem. He'll soon learn not to bother you about all but the most pressing of concerns when doing so earns him your displeasure, but a word of appreciation whenever he works something out for himself will motivate him even more powerfully. You can even have him explain how he did something, treating him as though he's an expert in the particular subject to help him feel proud, regardless of whether you know as much yourself.

You're more likely to know how you want your husband to help when you step back and look at the bigger picture - the dishes washed and dried, the sink left sparkling, the kitchen clean. If you're unsure even about that, then ask your maid to surprise you, putting the onus of finding inspiration on him. You may well be pleasantly surprised, but even if the results don't turn out to your liking, it's much easier to comment on something concrete. Moreover, such an approach encourages your husband to consider how he can please you without being explicitly told what you want. As we'll discuss in a later chapter, a similar technique can even be applied to discipline, albeit with you reserving the right to dismiss his suggestions should you not feel they adequately make amends. It only needs you to ask “So how are you going to make that right?”, and your husband's conscience will do the rest, allowing you to judge whether he has deliberately let you down or simply overlooked something accidentally.
I feel like this isn't going anywhere

The enthusiasm that accompanies the start of any new venture naturally wears off after a while, such that you might find yourself wondering where things are going. If your husband has yet to progress beyond doing the dishes, it can be hard to imagine him taking care of the whole house - indeed, if he still needs to be persuaded to put on his apron, you may start doubting whether the washing up is worth the trouble. Will you ever be able to enjoy the benefits of having your husband serve as your maid, or is it always going to be an uphill battle?

Throughout this book, we've proposed an incremental approach, the slowness of which is its strength. It's hard for a man to object too strongly about taking a series of small steps, a slight stretch each time never seeing him pushed too far outside his comfort zone. Sadly, the same subtlety can affect mistress as well as maid, leading you to believe that little has changed even though your husband might have made significant progress since you started. Building a solid foundation takes time, with a man having not only to develop confidence and common sense, but also change his mindset - easily taken for granted, but actually no mean feat, even allowing for the magic of a maid's uniform.

Once the basics are in place, however, additional chores are much more easily added to your husband's repertoire, it being possible to add entire rooms to the responsibilities of a man who is already cleaning half the house. It is only at the beginning that things may seem slow, but it is worth being patient until you get past this stage, remembering that your maid has started from scratch with regards to both abilities and attitude. If you still feel your husband is making no progress, look back and consider how he has already changed - the chances are that that'll be more than you might have thought, with a similar length of time sure to yield even more in the way of results. Even with the smallest of chores, it's surprisingly easy to become accustomed to someone else taking care of it, but that doesn't mean your maid isn't making a difference - as you'd realise if you had to go back to the way things were!