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perfect English, Peaches!

Lessons 21 to 25

perfect English, Peaches! is a grammar course written specifically for the submissive crossdresser. The aim of this textbook for sissies is to give the student a greater understanding of the words he uses, thus helping him to avoid the mistakes that so often mar even the simplest pieces of writing. Employing exaggerated examples that are sure to appeal to any man with a weakness for women's things, the course not only encourages higher standards of language, but also emphasises respect for female authority throughout. The intentionally titillating scenarios do not detract from the text's purpose, however, with the misadventures of a submissive male secretary making the material more memorable.

perfect English, Peaches! features themes of lingerie discipline, male chastity and men as secretaries and maids. It should go without saying that, like everything else at brassièred, it is intended for adults only.

Lesson 21: The business trip

Sometimes a sissy secretary is not allowed to speak, perhaps even having to wear a humiliating gag to prevent him from saying a word. On other occasions, however, Peaches might long for something between his lips - for example, when Ms Crusher makes him read one of his reports aloud, so the other secretaries can laugh at his poor use of language. Although he doesn't need to worry about pronunciation, he must nevertheless take care when choosing between “allowed” and “aloud” when typing, as can be appreciated if these words are replaced with “permitted” and “out loud” respectively. It makes no more sense to speak of him “not being out loud to speak” than it does to describe him being made to “read one of his reports permitted”. Peaches shouldn't be surprised if his boss ends up punishing him for expecting her to make sense of such nonsense in a report, with misspelled sentences no better for her knowing what he meant to type.

Words such as “allowed” and “aloud” are known as homophones, reflecting that they sound the same. The English language has plenty of pairs of them, unlike a fruit tree, which might have plenty of pears. If a maid were hoping to please the lady of the house with a delicious pie made from the pears, he might pare the skin off the fruit with a peeler before cutting it into slices, perhaps deliberately doing so in duplicate so as to demonstrate these similar, yet different words - he pares pairs of pears. How maddening that would be for the maid if he not only had to wear a gag while he worked, but was also subject to the scrutiny of his mistress, leaving him unable to savour even a small piece of the fruit in peace! Instead, his submissive role requires him to selflessly roll out the pastry, occasionally looking out of the window to see whether the weather has changed. Would the washing end up drier if it went in the dryer?

Often homophones are different sorts of words, such as “maid” and “made”, but even when they both serve the same function grammatically, their misuse can affect the meaning of a sentence, quite apart from its intelligibility. There are various reasons why a sissy might mistakenly type one in place of another, ranging from a careless slip of the fingers to profound ignorance, but none are acceptable in a professional environment. Is it better for Ms Crusher to think that her secretary is stupid, or that he has so little respect for her as to not bother reviewing what he has written? No matter what Peaches might be typing, be it the minutes of a meeting or a private memo to himself, he must ensure that every single word is as he intends. Otherwise, he might write something like:

Would an employee who spends his days sorting envelopes in the dingy basement really produce less rubbish if he were tightly laced? That's what Ms Crusher might conclude on reading that, arranging for Peaches to be transferred to such a position so that he can put his unorthodox theory to the test! Peaches cannot rely on a spelling checker to save him from such a fate, because “mail” is just as valid a word as “male”, both capable of serving as adjectives before the word “secretary”. Indeed, we might speak of the “male mail secretary” - that is, the man whose job it is to process all those letters! As for the difference between “waste” and “waist”, while both can be used as nouns, a sturdy corset will only reduce one of them - unless Peaches' strict foundations slow him down so much as to leave him in danger of being fired! Consider what he should have typed:

There are some homophones that are particularly painful to see misused, such that an intelligent woman might simply discard correspondence that uses “no” instead of “know”, so as to spare herself the atrocities that will inevitably accompany it. What good does it do a man to save his fingers a few letters, when doing so signals such contempt for the English language as to preclude him from being considered for even the humblest of positions? In this day and age, a maid employed to do nothing more than scrub floors ought to be able to write a note to his mistress without dragging her down to his level with such disgraceful mistakes, let alone a secretary seeking professional employment! If you struggle with such distinctions, pause to think with problematic words!

“Passed” is the past tense of the verb “pass”, whereas “past” is never a verb. When considering which to use, study the word's role in the sentence, and see whether it could be replaced by “was passing” - if so, “passed” is correct:

If a secretary is asked to write a letter on behalf of his boss, he must take great pains to get every word right. “Right” can be an adjective, an adverb or a noun, and is capable of conveying a variety of meanings including correctness and direction, whereas “write” is a verb that describes the act of putting down words. Neither should be confused with “rite”, a ritual, or “wright”, a skilled manufacturer - two words that are unlikely to be used in an office environment. Study how the two more common words are used correctly in these sentences:

Because homophones sound the same, the other secretaries would not hear anything wrong were Peaches to recite his report in front of everyone there, but any mistakes that he'd made would surely stand out to anyone catching sight of what he'd written. “Hear” describes listening, and “sight” refers to what is seen, as opposed to “here” and “site” which refer to locations. “Here” can be compared to “there” and “site” shares its first three letters with “sit”, whereas “hear” needs an “ear” and “sight” requires “light”. Standing in front of the entire office, however, Peaches would do anything to hide in the darkness of the stationery cupboard. Did he cite adequate references, perhaps referring to a website where other sissies acknowledge their bosses' authority? It's easy to see how “cite” and “recite” are related, with a website being something that may be thought of as being a site (that is, a location) on the web - perhaps where a video of the sissy's stammering will be posted for all to see.

Where should a sissy secretary wear stockings? It doesn't matter if Ms Crusher has Peaches accompany her to an actual construction site, because wherever his work take him, he needs to be wearing women's hosiery with his skirt and heels. That means anywhere and everywhere, with Peaches needing to be always on the lookout for snags, even in the safety of the office! If, instead of thinking about his nylon-clad legs, you take a moment to consider related words, it's easy to see the difference between “where” (“everywhere”) and “wear” (“wearing”), but these aren't the only ones that can get confused - sometimes a rogue “ware” or even “were” creeps into a careless sissy's typing, despite the former being a suffix for goods and the latter sounding entirely different! Care also needs to be taken when choosing between the third-person present tense “wears” and the contraction “where's”, with the wrong word looking as unsightly as a long ladder running up a secretary's stockinged calf!

As Peaches suffers the humiliation of having to hold up his blouse so that his boss's visitor can take a good look at what's locked between his legs, he might be thinking some very unkind things about the woman he works for. “What a witch Ms Crusher is, making me wear metal panties which I can never take off!”. He mustn't share such thoughts with anyone else, however, with word soon getting back to his boss should he dare be so rude about her! If Ms Crusher really were a “witch” (that is, a woman who practises magic), she might put a spell on him, perhaps making him so small that he'd fit in a bottle which she'd keep on her desk. Did you see how the previous sentence used “which” to introduce the relative clause about the location of the bottle, or were you thinking about how helpless Peaches would be, cut down to size in an impossibly literal way? Such a fate might befall you if you use the wrong word with the wrong woman!

Although his manhood can't enjoy the feel of the fabric because of the intervening metal, Peaches wears satin underwear on top, but he would gladly swap it for plain cotton if that was the price of being let out of his belt. The last time he had such an opportunity was when he was accompanying his boss on a business flight, where the prospect of setting off alarms at the airport persuaded Ms Crusher to relax her otherwise unrelenting regime. Surrounded by other passengers, he couldn't play with himself on the plane, instead having to endure the smirks of passing stewardesses because of how he was sat next to the aisle. “Plain” is not only an adjective meaning simple or obvious, as even a plain white bra might be beneath a particularly sheer blouse, but can also be a noun referring to flat land, like the sweeping plains that an aeroplane might fly over as it takes the businesswoman and her secretary to a distant country. Unless Peaches wants to go seperately over land, he should take care when abbreviating the mode of travel, as well as noting that “plane” is reserved for more mathematical surfaces, or alternatively, a kind of woodworking tool - not an implement that a beskirted man has much call for in the course of his work!

Does it rain in the distant country, or it is so sultry that a sissy must worry about sweat revealing his bra through his blouse? Does a powerful queen reign there, dictating that all men must wear chastity belts by royal decree? Do well-dressed ladies ride around in carriages drawn by otherwise naked males, using a combination of rein and whip to dictate direction and speed? Peaches might be distracted by such questions as he searches for a suitable hotel, but if Ms Crusher catches him daydreaming, she's likely to send him on a much shorter trip - a stint in the corridor, where he must wait holding a bucket until his boss deigns to call him back, with the sissy secretary having to suffer not only the weight of the bucket, but also whatever the other secretaries might put in it. As he shifts uncomfortably on his stilettos, he'll have plenty of time to think about the importance of choosing homophones, albeit wondering when the blisters on his heels will heal. Do you need further instruction about these yourself?

Exercises

1. Read the following account of a male secretary accompanying his boss on a business trip to a female-led country. Copy out each sentence, underlining any homophones that are used incorrectly. Then rewrite the sentence, correcting the mistakes.

   They maid him weight outside in the rein until all the women had gone passed.

   The guard told him to role up his blouse so she could cheque his waste.

   “Mail underwear is not aloud hear. You must where corsetry instead”, she said.

   Peaches had red the rules on the web sight, and new what he had to ware.

   “I no!”, the sissy wined. “There's a pare of my corsets on the plain!”

   “Is that write?”, the guard asked suspiciously. “Speak up so I can here you!”

   The corsets, witch had steal bones, were what he wore when working as a made.

   The guard rote down the details on a peace of paper. “One pare of corsets”.

   It was passed midnight when she stamped Peaches' passport and aloud him past.

   Sweating from having to holed the wait of his luggage, the sissy was no dryer.

2. Copy out the previous sentences again, but this time, replace every homophone with a list of alternatives in brackets, indicating the grammatical role(s) of each word in a second set of brackets afterwards. For example, if the word were “maid”, you would write “(maid (noun) / made (verb))”. Underline the correct choice.

Exercises for extra credit

1. In your own words, explain what a homophone is.

2. List as many homophones as you can, excluding those discussed in this lesson. Construct example sentences to distinguish between them, underlining the words.

3. Write a report as though you were a sissy secretary returning from a business trip to a country where submissive men are treated as second-class citizens.

Lesson 22: It's too embarrassing

We've previously seen how apostrophes can cause problems for a careless or ignorant secretary. Only by understanding the purpose that particular words serve can a typist avoid falling foul of this crucial character, with modern advances such as predictive text actually serving to trip a sissy up! The difference between “he'll” and “hell” is one that Peaches will be made painfully aware of if he inadvertently uses the wrong one, because Ms Crusher is unlikely to miss such a mistake. To put it bluntly, he'll suffer hell at her hands - a sentence that simply doesn't make sense if the two words are swapped. Similar care must be taken when typing words from other pairs - for example “we're” and “were”, or “I'll” and “ill”, although the absence of a capital letter ought to make it clear that “i'll” is never acceptable.

While Peaches will surely wonder how he could have overlooked an error as obvious as using “shell” in place of “she'll” when referring to one of his superiors, he might have more difficulty deciding whether or not to use an apostrophe when faced with a choice of homophones. You may recall examples of these from earlier lessons, but the resulting problems are so perennial as to warrant going over again. Remember that an apostrophe can either indicate possession (“he is Ms Crusher's secretary”, that is the secretary belonging to Ms Crusher), or alternatively combine two words to form a contraction (“he's her secretary”, where “he's” is a shortened form of “he is”, or alternatively, “he has”, as in “he's been very naughty”). Now consider the homophones Peaches uses as he tries to explain to his boss how the other secretaries torment him. Of course, he needs to put his complaint in writing, requiring him to think about his words if she isn't simply to discard it:

If only Ms Crusher were interested, instead of sending him away with a sharp remark about him needing to stand up for himself! Even when driven to despair by his boss's cruel choice of words, Peaches doesn't need to think about how he uses “they'll”, instinctively understanding that it is short for “they will” as he desperately pleads that “they'll” be waiting for him. Why, then, should “they're” be any different? It only takes a moment to expand it to “they are”, and a further moment to check whether that's a suitable substitute in any given sentence. Conversely, to determine whether “there” is appropriate, one need merely note that it answers the question “where” (albeit being used as a dummy subject in the second sentence above). Finally, the possessive adjective “their” ends in “heir”, stressing its possessive nature, not that many secretaries would want to inherit Peaches' position after his female colleagues discover that he has snitched on them. What might the sissy come back to?

“There is” a note, and the writing on it belongs to his tormentresses - that is, it is theirs. “There's” can take the place of “there is” or “there has”, with the apostrophe standing in for the missing letters, but “their's” is never correct, because possessive pronouns don't use apostrophes. Of more concern to Peaches, however, is what he finds when he musters the courage to look in the bag:

How kind of the other secretaries to buy Peaches such a cute little outfit as a way of saying sorry for that unfortunate accident with the drawing pins! It would be churlish of him not to wear their generous gift, even though the pastel pink will make him look utterly preposterous. Torn between what the office girls might do if he declines their invitation to dress so demeaningly, and what Ms Crusher will say when he looks as though he could be visiting the office as part of a work experience scheme, Peaches may not notice the homophones in the sweetly written note, but an errant letter in any of “to”, “too” or “two” will stand out as much as he will in such an unmanly uniform.

If you're able to count, you shouldn't have any trouble using “two”, a word which shares a “w” with “twin”. Peaches has to consider that number many times every morning, whether he's squeezing his heavy breast forms into the cups of his bra, stretching the latter's straps onto his shoulders, or putting on his stockings and heels. “Too” is used to say something is excessive, or else that it is in addition to something else - the skirt is too short, and it is pleated too - which can be easily remembered by considering the extra “o”. As a sissy, Peaches is familiar enough with bras to know that they can be much bigger than a double D, another instance of a double letter, but even that is too much to hide beneath such a ridiculous top - quite apart from him having to wear a skimpy skirt too! That leaves only “to”, which can serve as the start of a full infinitive (“to see”), where it is followed by a verb, or as a preposition (“to the meeting”), where it is followed by a noun, neither of which needs anything more in the way of letters. Can either be replaced by “very” or “also”, as would be the case if “too” were required? No, so a single “o” is sufficient, unlike Peaches' outfit, which will leave him feeling very underdressed:

Everyone else in the meeting is wearing smart blouses and skirts, even the most junior of assistants, but there's no doubt what they're all talking about as Peaches tries to hide behind his boss. The pronoun “it” in the above sentences is obviously his outfit, such that a secretary required to write up a report of what happened might avoid having to choose between “its” and “it's” by using a noun phrase instead - perhaps “the humiliating pastel pink sailor uniform”, whereupon the problem disappears, albeit at the cost of much more typing! A better approach, in the absence of Peaches wearing a more grown-up outfit, would be to consider which of “that” and “the” might work as a substitute. If you can use “that's”, which contains an apostrophe, then you can use “it's” (with an apostrophe), whereas if “the” (without an apostrophe) would fit, then “its”, also lacking one is the right choice. “Thats” and “the's” are always wrong, with a spelling checker highlighting their incorrectness. Let's see how those substitutions work with the previous pair of sentences:

Now suppose that the office girls haven't just picked any day to have Peaches humiliate himself for their amusement, but have chosen a meeting that they know all manner of important businesswomen will attend. Some of the visitors won't have seen him in more conventional clothing, with his conspicuous appearance causing them to ask questions. Consider the following, similar sounding pair:

Like our previous examples, one uses a contraction, whereas the other uses a possessive, with only the former containing an apostrophe. “Who's” is short for “who is”, needing to be answered with “Peaches Sweetcheeks”, although the sissy being spoken about will surely hear more as the other secretaries gleefully share further details. Conversely, someone using “whose” doesn't want to know about Peaches, but is instead interested in which of the businesswomen he works for - they might equally ask “to whom does that secretary report?”, perhaps subsequently approaching Ms Crusher to discuss how to hire a sissy secretary of their own. If you try to substitute “whose” with “who is”, you'll end up with a sentence that makes no sense - rather like the incomprehensible stammering of Peaches should people ask him why he is wearing such a ridiculous outfit. Why would any man ever dress like that, unless deep down, he really wanted to?

While some of the businesswomen are chatting with Ms Crusher, others might amuse themselves by engaging with her secretary, albeit in a one-sided conversation that will see Peaches staring embarrassedly at his feet. If only he could forget the pastel pink pleats that attract so much unwanted attention, instead of feeling them swish around his thighs as he shifts nervously on the spot! It's no wonder that the sissy is anxious when accosted by statements like these:

Again, there's two similar sounding words, one a contraction, the other a pronoun, and once again, a substitution helps to decide between them. “You're” is short for “you are”, and using the latter allows the taunting women to say “you are going to be wearing that skirt every day”, in a way that doesn't work with “you are boss”. Even Peaches couldn't stammer the latter without being scolded, as much as he must acknowledge the women's authority as they laugh at what he's wearing. On the other hand, “your” can be replaced by “his”, as might be the case when the other secretaries retell the story later. “He couldn't hide his panties!”, one might exclaim with delight, going on to describe how she took advantage of the shortness of Peaches' skirt to give one of his buttocks a painfully sharp pinch.

The apostrophe is not the only character that is capable of getting a careless typist into trouble. A space in the wrong place can erroneously split a word into two, whereas the absence of one may result in equally severe consequences for a sissy assistant should an uncorrected report be seen by his boss. Consider how the choice of “into” or “in to” changes the following sentences:

In the first sentence, “into” is a preposition and “work” is a noun. We might equally say that Peaches “goes into the office at the weekend”, perhaps adding “to rewrite his report” in order to explain why the sissy finds himself sitting alone at his desk while everyone else is enjoying themselves elsewhere. In the second sentence, however, “comes in” is a phrasal verb, whereas “to work” is a full infinitive. If you consider a Saturday where Peaches “goes out to buy stockings” instead, you'll see a similar sentence structure (“goes out” being the phrasal verb, and “to buy” being the infinitive), but it should hopefully be obvious that their parts can't be combined. The example of coming to work was picked so that both are grammatically correct, but often only one is acceptable, making it all the more important to consider exactly what the words are doing.

Phrasal verbs and full infinitives notwithstanding, it is often the case that one word performs one function, whereas two words perform two - something that shouldn't surprise you when you think about it! For example, “everyday” is an adjective that makes an associated noun ordinary (“his everyday panties”), whereas “every day” is an adjective (“every”, meaning all of the following) followed by a noun (“day”), with the two forming a phrase that describes when Peaches wears the underwear in question. We might stress the point by suggesting that a sissy should wear everyday panties every day, unless he has plans to go on a hot date, when something sexier is called for. Now study the following, similar sounding sentences:

When deciding between “every one” and “everyone”, or “any one” and “anyone”, consider whether “each” or “people” could be substituted in its place. If you can use “each”, then two words are called for, but if you can use “people”, one word is sufficient, noting that unlike “people”, the other forms are singular:

Exercises

1. Read the following transcript of a conversation between two secretaries who want to humiliate their male colleague. Copy out each of the sentences, underlining the mistakes that would prevent Peaches from presenting it to Ms Crusher. Then rewrite the sentence, correcting the mistakes.

   The girl's downstairs made they're sissy wear this. Look at it's pleat's!

   Thats got to be the most ridiculous skirt I've ever seen! Its just to much!

   Perhaps! But ill get him to wear it too work, may be everyday, mark my words!

   Were going to get in too trouble, hell tell her that its us who gave him it.

   They're are lot's of us and only one of him. Whose she going too believe?

   I know I maybe more cautious, but I'd rather spend sometime thinking thing's through.

   Imagine him walking in to the meeting in this, though! Every one will laugh!

   I do want too see him break in to tears again some time! Its been to long!

   Theirs too other colour's, yellow or blue, if you think its to girly.

   Anyone of them will leave no doubt about who's sissy is the most submissive!

2. Copy out the previous sentences again, but this time, replace every homophone that uses or should use an apostrophe or a space with a list of alternatives in brackets, indicating the grammatical role(s) of each word in a second set of brackets afterwards. For example: “(anyway (adverb) / any way (adverb))”. Underline the correct choice.

Exercises for extra credit

1. In your own words, explain the purpose of apostrophes.

2. Construct sentences that use the pairs of homophones discussed in this lesson.

3. Write an account of Peaches' humiliation in the meeting, using plenty of contractions and pronouns to describe his preposterous outfit and people's reactions to it. Be sure to use apostrophes where, but only where, required!

Lesson 23: Punished because he lied

A sissy doesn't just need to take care when typing, because there are many words that can make him sound stupid should he misuse them when speaking as well. Even before he opens his mouth, no-one seeing Peaches' suggestive lipstick is likely to take his opinions too seriously, but an unthinking slip of his tongue will give them additional grounds for disregarding what he has to say - unless, that is, they choose to pick him up on an embarrassing mistake, making him repeat it for their amusement! Verbs are a particularly important category of words as far as correctness is concerned, because actions have consequences - something that Ms Crusher loves to remind her secretary of whenever he gets things wrong.

For most verbs, the past participle is the same as the simple past, such that one does not need to use different words when changing between the active and passive voice. Consider the roles that “punished” and “answered” serve in the following sentences:

With verbs that have irregular past participles, more care must be taken:

An unsure sissy might mumble in an attempt to make the final vowel ambiguous, but that won't get him very far when having to type things up afterwards. Is it “began” with an “a”, or “begun” with a “u”? In this case, there's nothing for it but to practise using such words until you appreciate that “began” never takes an auxiliary verb, whereas “begun” always does. However, many past participles can be distinguished from the corresponding past tenses by how they end in “n”:

Past participles require an auxiliary verb when not being used as adjectives, as opposed to the simple past tense, which always stands alone. Often, the incorrect choice sounds strange, but if you're unsure, consider which of a clearly contrasting pair could be put in its place. Even the most ignorant of secretaries should know better than to say “he had did a bad thing” or “he done a bad thing”, unless they want to find themselves in a similar predicament to Peaches. Here, “did” is a simple past tense, like “chose”, whereas “done” is a past participle, like “chosen” - note how the latter both end with an “n”. When applied to the first two examples above, this substitution yields “Ms Crusher did one of the other secretaries” and “The blonde was done” - a thought that won't make Peaches feel any more comfortable as he tries to concentrate on writing his humiliating letter, but may at least spare him from making grammatical mistakes!

Longing to kick off his heels, Peaches might dream of sprawling his legs out on a bed, but he needs to be careful when expressing such desires - not least to choose the right verb! The similarly sounding “lie” and “lay” are so fraught with difficulties that it might be easier for him simply to stay on his feet, but a secretary doesn't have the luxury of avoiding words. In the present tense, “lie” is intransitive, whereas as “lay” is transitive, such that a maid would lay the freshly ironed sheets on the bed for the lady of the house to lie on. Complicating things further, the past tenses of “lie” and “lay” are “lay” and “laid” respectively, which means that “lay” can be used to say two very different things. As if that wasn't challenging enough, “lie” has an irregular past participle, “lain”, whereas “lay” uses “laid” again, all of which is before we consider the other form of “lie” that means to tell an untruth, where “lied” serves as both the simple past and past participle. Let's consider how a sissy incapable of working as a secretary might fare in an alternative career:

“Rise” and “raise” are similar to “lie” and “lay” grammatically, even though they describe a rather different pair of actions - ones that are much more appropriate for a sissy, be he maid or secretary, who should not only rise when a female superior enters the room, but perhaps go so far as to raise his skirt to show her that he's wearing everything he should underneath! The intransitive verb “rise” has both an irregular past tense and past participle (“rose” and “risen”, respectively), whereas the transitive verb “raise” is more regular, using “raised” for both. When choosing which to use, consider whether the subject of the sentence is getting up, or causing something else to be lifted:

As part of his punishment, we might expect the misbehaving maid to bare his bottom, perhaps wriggling his increasingly red behind as he tries to bear the awful pain that his mistress inflicts with the wooden spoon. It's critical that a secretary also understands the difference between these two verbs, lest he invite his boss to “bare with him” - something that Ms Crusher is unlikely to countenance, even if she insists that Peaches drop his skirt. The adjective “bare” means uncovered, and the verb with the same spelling describes the act of uncovering, something that the sissy will understand all too well when he reveals his barely pantied posterior. Of all the days for him to have picked a bright pink thong! His hairless legs won't be confused for those of a bear, however, assuming he's willing to endure the pain of an epilator to pluck them - that is, he bears the pain. Let's consider some examples of these two verbs:

When used in the present tense, it's hard to confuse “buy” and “bring”, even if Peaches might find himself having to do both when his boss wants something sweet to go with her coffee. Although both are irregular verbs, each has a past participle that is the same as its past tense, but “bought” and “brought” are sufficiently similar to require careful enunciation when the sissy subsequently tells the other secretaries about his trip to the pâtisserie. After all, the office girls will want to know whether or not the chocolate éclairs have come from his wages, surely savouring the rich pastries all the more if Peaches has had to work hard to provide them. Perhaps it's just as well that the sissy's corset prevents him enjoying such mouthwatering treats himself, sparing him the challenge of trying to speak clearly through a mouthful of cream!

Exercises

1. Read the following account of how a male maid starts his morning. Copy out each of the sentences, underlining all the past tenses, past participles and other words that are used incorrectly. Then copy out the sentence again, maintaining the tenses, but correcting the mistakes. After every word that you correct, write its grammatical role in brackets.

   The maid's girdle laid on the chair, along with the stockings he had chose.

   He could not bare another punishment for being caught with bear legs.

   After dressing, he begun the long list of chores his mistress had wrote down.

   He had became very familiar with the work and known what needed to be did.

   Because he had rose early, he hadn't yet saw the lady of the house.

   He bought her breakfast in bed, which he had lain out on a silver tray.

   She had spoke to him the night before, so he had knew what she wanted.

   Waiting until his mistress had ate and drank, he bared his frustration.

   He had once stole a glance at her nightgown, but she had threw a slipper at him.

   The slipper had flew through the air, hitting a vase, which it had broke.

2. For each of the words you underlined in the previous sentences, write the word and then the corresponding bare infinitive, simple past, past participle and present participle, labelling each accordingly.

Exercises for extra credit

1. In your own words, explain the difference between the past tense and the past participle.

2. List as many verbs with irregular past tenses or past participles as you can, excluding those discussed in this lesson. For each verb, write its bare infinitive, its simple past, its past participle and its present participle.

3. Write an account of a male maid's duties, adopting the past tense as though describing work that has been completed. Employ past participles appropriately.

Lesson 24: A loose corset

In the previous lesson, we looked at verbs that can be confused with one another, but these aren't the only words which a sissy should think about before opening his mouth. Just because two might sound similar, it doesn't mean they have similar meanings, with a slight difference in pronunciation capable of affecting a sentence significantly. That's equally the case when typing, where one letter out of place can ruin an otherwise professional piece of work. With a boss who relishes any excuse to rip up a report in front of everyone in the office, Peaches needs to get his words right, even when merely composing an internal email. Neither carelessness nor ignorance is an acceptable excuse, with important women taking a very dim view of easily avoidable mistakes.

Peaches knows better than to get “lose” and “loose” confused, ever since Ms Crusher took him to be fitted for a corset. The breathtaking garment that she expects him to wear is anything but loose, but erroneously describing it as such would surely encourage his boss to lace it even tighter. If only Peaches could lose enough weight to make his corset comfortable, instead of feeling as though its stiffly boned material is squeezing his waist into his bust and hips! When the two words are considered together, it's easy to see which is right for a particular sentence - the adjective “loose” has an additional “o”, making it looser, whereas the verb “lose” has lost one. Related words are “loosen”, a verb meaning to make loose (as its two “o”s would suggest) and “loser”, a noun that literally refers to someone who loses (and thus has one “o”), but makes Peaches' face flush when the office girls call him it. How much more they would mock him if they thought the corseted sissy couldn't tell these words apart!

Peaches can't deny how his foundation wear affects him, feeling its effects in every aspect of his work. His corset doesn't just force him to sit up straight, but also stops him from bending, making it a real challenge to get his boss's most frequently used files from the bottom drawer! Despite being left breathless by even the simplest of tasks, the sissy secretary still needs to speak clearly if Ms Crusher isn't to scold him, because a single vowel determines the difference between the verb “affect” and the noun “effect”. “Affect” is an action, whereas “effect” is a result - at least, in the most common usage of these two words. While it is possible to employ them differently, Peaches shouldn't do so unthinkingly, any more than he should attempt to reach for something without considering how his unforgiving corset will restrict him, lest he end up falling over and looking even more ridiculous!

Except where his boss expects him to decide for himself, Peaches must accept whatever Ms Crusher says, both regarding what he wears to work, and also what he does for her while dressed. “Accept” and “expect” are two verbs that a submissive assistant might use when describing his attitude towards discipline, but their meanings are sufficiently different that a male secretary needs to be able to distinguish them if he isn't to suffer the wrath of the woman he works for. “Accept” means to agree to, which Peaches did when he signed the contract that permits his boss to correct him however she chooses. “Expect” describes an anticipation of something happening, whether that's Ms Crusher's steadfast belief that a secretary should never make any mistakes, or the sinking feeling Peaches suffers as he waits for her to decide what to do with him. Corresponding nouns are “acceptance” and “expectation”. Neither verb should be confused with “except”, which is a preposition that excludes what follows - something that all the secretaries except Peaches manage to understand, Ms Crusher might say as she sets to work with her paddle. It doesn't matter how similar the words look or sound, because mistakes aren't acceptable to a woman expecting better.

Because he is expected to dress as a secretary, Peaches must wear women's clothes to work - a fact that the office girls never cease to taunt him about, even though his clothing is superficially similar to theirs. Clothes are made of cloth, be it the silky satin of luxurious lingerie, or the plain cotton and polyester of a basic blouse and skirt. Just as a bra is much more than some bits of material, however, so too are clothes more than cloth - even when the latter is made plural. Without the extra “e”, the word “cloths” is only suitable for describing what a maid would use to mop up messes, unless Peaches is wanting to discuss details of fabrics with the other secretaries - a subject that would surely elicit smirks should he confess to longing to wear a silk blouse like his boss. “Clothing” is slightly more formal than “clothes”, although that's a distinction that's likely to be lost on Peaches as he thinks about his feminine wardrobe. In any case, a sissy should never say that he wants to wear women's cloths, for fear that he might end up having to do so - imagine a naked male maid having only a dishcloth with which to hide his shame as his mistress bustles him outside to clean all the windows!

With his face flushing as the other secretaries put him on the spot about his lingerie preferences, Peaches hardly needs to add blusher to his cheeks, but Ms Crusher might not give him much say in the matter should she specify what she wants her assistant to wear in the way of cosmetics. What's a little rouge on top of provocatively painted lips, smouldering eye-shadow and heavy mascara? “Rouge” is the French word for red, and must never be confused with “rogue”, which describes something dangerously out of place. The two are pronounced differently, no matter how easy it may be to mistype one for the other while wearing long false nails, with a rogue letter giving Ms Crusher grounds for reddening Peaches' cheeks in a rather different way should he confuse them.

In a female-led office, fetching a simple envelope can pose a problem, with a sissy having to consider the dangers of being shut in the cupboard. It only needs one of the other secretaries to turn the key in the lock to leave Peaches trapped with the supplies, but at least that offers him an opportunity to think about the difference between “stationary” and “stationery”. “Stationary” with an “a” is an adjective that aptly describes a man who can't move because of all the boxes of pens and paperclips, with one wrong move risking everything coming crashing down around him. “Stationery” with an “e” is a noun that derives from the shop that sells it, a stationer, and which includes envelopes of the sort Peaches finds himself having to hold as he desperately pleads to be let out. The simple rule “e is for envelope” makes it easy to type the correct spelling every time, although it may be a while before a certain sissy is able to type anything if the girls in the office have their way, their plan being to leave him locked in there overnight.

There are many other pairs of words that differ only slightly in terms of pronunciation and spelling, but where it is nevertheless critical to choose correctly. Without consulting a dictionary, can you construct sentences that distinguish between “principle” and “principal”, “complement” and “compliment”, or even “advice” and advise”? A secretary won't get very far in the world of business if he can't, with a temp's position proving very temporary if he is unable to type the right words! Study the following until you understand:

At the start of this book, we introduced nouns and verbs with two complementary sentences - “the boss directs” and “the secretary obeys”. No assistant wanting to keep his position would ever confuse these two actions, with the idea of a secretary directing, let alone his boss obeying, being too preposterous for words! Nevertheless, some sissies get confused by similarly contrasting concepts, showing their ignorance by using “lend” when they mean “borrow”, or “learn” when they mean “teach”. Peaches should hardly be surprised that he is rebuffed when, having snagged his nylons, he desperately asks the other secretaries “Can I lend some stockings?”. The office girls know better than to come to work without a spare pair, and they certainly don't want to be in a sissy's debt, with Peaches' question suggesting that he has hosiery he wants them to borrow. He had better not compound his crime by sighing “That will learn me” within Ms Crusher's earshot, because the pronoun that he would have benefited from before will now only get him into trouble. Consider the grammatical roles that the various nouns play in the correct usage of these four very different verbs:

Exercises

1. Read the following account of a male secretary suffering the consequences of borrowing his colleague's make-up. Copy out each of the sentences, underlining the words that are used incorrectly. Then rewrite the sentence, correcting the mistakes. Where there is an ambiguity, choose the most likely interpretation.

   Peaches should of known better than to think the rogue was complementary.

   “Take my advise, and don't ever lend our cosmetics again!”, the woman scolds.

   The principle aim of the other secretaries is to make him loose his dignity.

   He excepts that he was in the wrong, and they are going to learn him a lesson.

   “Remove all your cloths, expect for your underwear”, their ringleader demands.

   “That bra is much too lose! We accept you to wear a better one!”, she advices.

   Peaches agrees with her in principal, but it is hard to find cloths that fit.

   He stands stationery while the women sarcastically complement his figure.

   The affect of being called a looser by the women effects him very much.

   “A rouge secretary needs to go in the stationary cupboard!”, one declares.

2. Copy out the previous sentences again, but this time, replace each of the words you underlined with both it and your correction in brackets, indicating the grammatical role(s) of each word in a second set of brackets afterwards. For example: “(advise (verb) / advice (noun))”. Underline the correct choice.

Exercises for extra credit

1. In your own words, explain the importance of choosing words correctly.

2. List other words that can be easily confused. Use each in a sentence.

3. Write an account of what happened after the secretaries had turned the key in the door to the stationery cupboard, following both them and the sissy they left behind for the night. Employ words that could be easily confused, but do not confuse them yourself!

Lesson 25: Applying for a position

Regardless of whom Peaches might be talking to, he needs to consider the situation before saying anything, seeking to avoid anything that could possibly be perceived as being rude. It doesn't matter whether he's answering a question from a woman who has the power to punish him, or simply making enquiries of a stranger, because an inappropriate choice of words will have unpleasant consequences. In order to show respect, the sissy must avoid taking any liberties with his language, even when speaking with the other secretaries. The office girls may talk about him in the crudest of terms, but he can't afford to be too casual with them, let alone with an important caller - not unless he wants word to get back to his boss! After all, he's not just showing himself up when he speaks carelessly, but also the woman for whom he works.

That's even more the case when he's writing, be it one of the many emails that he must send on Ms Crusher's behalf, or the reports that his boss requires on an all too frequent basis. A secretary who writes the same way as he speaks will soon find himself called to task on the matter, even in the absence of actual mistakes. Written English is generally more formal than the spoken language, with the ability of a reader to revisit earlier words lending itself to longer, more complicated sentences. It is not just that less leeway is permitted for errors, because a secretary shouldn't be making these anyway, but also that different words are considered acceptable. Consider the contrast in tone between:

We might imagine Peaches using the first of these statements as he tries to explain an embarrassing purchase to a sales assistant. In keeping with a sissy struggling with the shame of presenting a pile of no-nonsense bras, several of the words are missing - not least, the subject of the sentence, although no-one seeing him handing over so much lingerie can be in any doubt whom it's for. Like the woman behind the counter, we're expected to fill in the grammatical blanks - from the auxiliary verb that should follow the absent subject, to the garments that the pronoun “what” is standing in for. Nevertheless, we can still understand the sentence as clearly as if Peaches had said “I have got to wear the bras that the boss tells me to wear”, provided he doesn't stammer too much!

Even after providing the missing words, there remains a qualitative difference. While it might amuse Ms Crusher to have her secretary type “I have got to wear the bras that the boss tells me to wear” a thousand times when his choice of garments fails to meet her exacting requirements, it is much too personal an assertion for inclusion in the company training manual. Conversely, the dispassionate language about the necessity of brassières is sure to get Peaches a strange look should he come out with it in the lingerie shop, assuming he can get his tongue around the longer, more challenging words. Of course, that doesn't mean Ms Crusher can't have him learn the sentence by rote, making him humiliate himself by answering in a way that sounds ridiculous when people ask him why he wears what he does. There is a time and place for both formal and informal language, but more often than not, sissies let themselves down by writing less formally than is appropriate.

One does not find as many contractions in formal English, with words that can be elided together in speech usually written in full. Conversely, phrasal verbs are generally eschewed in favour of single word alternatives, the latter known as Latinate to reflect their derivation. The other secretaries might tell Peaches that he “shouldn't've have ticked her off” when they see him writing lines, but the words on the page had better say “I should not have irritated Ms Crusher” if he doesn't want to find himself punished further. While the sissy could hardly correct the office girls if they go on to taunt him with the fact that “there's loads more pages” that he needs to complete before he can go home, there are several reasons why he shouldn't complain similarly, especially not if Ms Crusher is listening. After expanding the contraction, one is left with “there is loads more pages” - a jarring statement to anyone reading a report, firstly because “loads” is plural when it applies to a plural countable noun, but secondly because it is much too informal.

“There are many more pages!”, Peaches might sigh to himself. “If only there were fewer! None of the other secretaries has to write as many lines as I!”. Grammatical niceties of the sort that people don't stop to think about when speaking become necessities in formal writing, with it being better (or should that be best?) to check if one isn't sure! In addition to those which Peaches navigates above, that means not using flat adverbs (“I write so slowly”, not “I write so slow”), as well as considering the case of pronouns when choosing between “who” and “whom” (“Whom does this benefit?”, because the sissy's punishment benefits him, not he). Relative pronouns should never be omitted, such that if Peaches' corset permitted him a little more breath as he sighs, he should say “There are many more pages which require finishing before Ms Crusher will be satisfied”, using “which” instead of “that” for even greater formality. Note how he can make such a statement without any reference to himself, adopting the passive voice and a dummy subject in a way that adds distance. When speaking down to her secretary, however, Ms Crusher might use the indefinite pronoun “one” in preference to a more personal “you”, humbling him still further:

It should go without saying that slang should never be used in formal writing, nor should unnecessary abbreviations - especially not the sort that imposes upon the reader by shaving letters off words or replacing them with symbols. That turns the phone that Peaches answers into a telephone, and might even extend to making the bra that he must wear a brassière, depending on just how much Ms Crusher wants to humiliate him. While the woman in charge may choose to spare her own fingers a few moments' work by demanding her secretary's report on women's underwear ASAP, if not PDQ, Peaches can only strive to deliver it as soon as possible, having to hope that he can do so quickly enough to avoid a pretty disagreeable punishment. Strong language of the sort that his boss alludes to is obviously something that a submissive man should steer well clear of, but clichés should be avoided like the plague too, unless the sissy wants to end up becoming one himself as his boss bends him over her desk. Punctuation should not be skimped on, but nor should it be used to excess - in particular, there is never a call for multiple exclamation or question marks. Numbers that can be expressed in a small number of words should be written as such, with appropriate hyphenation (“thirty-one days of chastity”), whereas those with many digits should be formatted for the convenience of the reader (“1,250 punishment lines”). And finally, one shouldn't start sentences with a coordinating conjunction without good reason, whereas a preposition is not an ideal sort of word to end with.

A sissy should avoid bothering his superiors as much as possible, but when questions are unavoidable, they should be phrased politely in order to minimise the possibility of a punishment. If Peaches bursts into Ms Crusher's office and demands to know “Where's the key?”, his boss may well be minded to throw what he's searching for out of the window, even if it opens nothing more exciting than the stationery cupboard. As you learned in a previous lesson, he would stand more chance of gaining access to the envelopes by being less direct, but before disturbing his boss, it would be better for him to ask around the other secretaries. “I'm looking for the key to the stationery cupboard”, he might say, albeit after apologising for interrupting their gossip. “Did you want this?”, one of them might ask, adopting the past rather than the present tense as she pretends to be polite. If only she weren't tossing the key to another of the office girls, with her colleague being more direct as she too dangles it just out of Peaches' reach. “Do you want this? Is this what you want?”. Of course, a submissive man should never “want” anything, expressing even his deepest desires with nothing stronger than “would like”.

“I may give it you if you can ask properly”, one of Peaches' tormentresses might suggest, putting him on the spot with regards to choosing the right word. It's obvious that “can” refers to whether the sissy is capable of satisfying the other secretary, whereas “may” suggests a possibility of her putting him out of his misery, however slim that might be, but in formal English, “may” is also used when asking permission. Suppose the other secretaries have taken advantage of Ms Crusher's absence, and have borrowed a different key from one of her drawers - at least, that's what they tell the sissy that they're teasing as they drop it on his desk. There are two questions that Peaches could ask:

The answer to the former depends on whether the key in question is really the right one, or whether it has been taken from a random filing cabinet - something that Peaches would prefer to know before he drops his skirt. How frustrating it would be to find that it won't turn, or worse, gets stuck in the lock! With the second question, the sissy is considering rather different consequences, knowing that he'll end up in big trouble if his boss discovers that he's done something that he shouldn't. Has Ms Crusher really delegated the decision about his reward to the other secretaries, or are the office girls setting him for a particularly painful punishment? It's hardly as if he needs to ask, with the answer to both questions being no - no, he cannot unlock his chastity belt, because Ms Crusher would never leave its key lying around, but even if she did, no, he may not, because that's solely her prerogative!

To avoid any accusation of presumptuousness, Peaches might choose modal verbs that ask more hypothetical questions, using “could” instead of “can”, “might” rather than “may”, and “would” where a more casual speaker might say “will”. Consider the difference in tone between:

The first might be asked by a surly receptionist, albeit one who has as little interest in the finer points of grammar as she does assisting the sissy who stands sheepishly in front of her desk. It's not a question of whether the woman is capable of helping him that is his concern, but whether she is willing to lower herself to doing so, with the literal meaning of the words overshadowed by the attitude behind them. Conversely, the second question doesn't take the receptionist's assistance for granted, making it more likely that she might help him. “Thank you, I am ever so grateful!”, Peaches might grovel as the woman deigns to look up from her screen, showing his appreciation far more than if he'd merely mumbled “thanks”. It always pays to be polite and respectful, no matter whom one may be talking to - after all, a businesswoman looking for a secretary may well ask the receptionist's opinion when deciding which of the many candidates she should employ!

Exercises

1. Read the following covering letter, written by a sissy whom Ms Crusher did not invite for interview. Copy out each of the sentences, underlining every part that is insufficiently professional. Do not draw a single line under the entire sentence, but split your emphasis into sections to highlight separate errors. For each of these errors, copy the offending words out on a separate line, and provide a brief explanation of why they are incorrect.

   deer mrs crasher do u want a sissy 4 ur secretery??? pls tel me u r 4 reel!!!

   im a sissy i wanna werk as ur secretery cuz i getoff dressin up slutty!!!

   theirs tons of reesons y u shud hiya myslf i look ded cute in a skurt!!!

   ive got 21 seXXXy miniskurts & all of em shows my stocking topz!!! wbu?!?

   can i also tel u i luv blowses? hav less of them tho their all v v tight!!!

   wil u make me ware a ENORMOUS bra everyday? neva dun dat b4 only a lil 1!!!

   i need need neeeed 2 b bosssed about by a v bosy chick doesnt matta wat u ware lol!!!

   u wanna secretery wat can type rite? i promis u i can type reel quik!!!

   btw wats da deal wiv werking ours??? itd b gr8 if i didnt gotta werk 2 much!!!

   dont wanna b a pain in da nek but pls reply asap!!! xoxoxo honeybun huggenkiss

2. Rewrite the previous sentences in formal English, while maintaining the writer's intention. Disregard the problems of content, tone and structure.

Exercises for extra credit

1. In your own words, explain the differences between formal and informal English.

2. Using your rewritten version of the covering letter, list the other issues that would deter an employer from considering an applicant who submitted it, even if that employer were actively looking for a sissy to work as a secretary.

3. Write a more suitable covering letter for the position of a businesswoman's personal assistant. Assume that the woman in question works as the head of marketing at a leading lingerie manufacturer. Without assuming that she has any interest in sissies, make a business case for her hiring you as a submissive sissy secretary, focusing on the benefits that a feminized assistant could offer from her perspective. Use your own details without embellishment.

Conclusion

If you've worked your way diligently through this book, you should have an acceptable knowledge of English grammar, but don't go getting a big head just because you know the basics! The rules covered over the course of these lessons are no more than the bare minimum necessary to write or speak professionally, with it being possible to study the structure of the language in far more detail - even before you considers developing your vocabulary, or analysing the works of great writers. You should find that what you have learned will serve you well, however, even if you're composing nothing more memorable than a mundane email, so long as you employ your understanding without fail. Although you may not receive any explicit acknowledgement of your efforts, you can be sure that the subtle effects of choosing the right words will be appreciated by everyone who reads them, as well as reflecting positively on yourself!