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he's the maid

Chapter 3: How do I get the best out of a sissy maid?

In the previous chapter, we saw how even a reluctant husband can be encouraged to help with the housework, but some men need rather less persuasion to put on an apron. Some are naturally submissive, at least in certain areas of their lives, finding great contentment in ceding control to another. Others delight in crossdressing, their fascination with the feminine seeing them want to wear women's clothing themselves. It's not uncommon for these to overlap, with some men self-styled “sissies” - that is to say, submissive crossdressers, who are often drawn to exaggerated stereotypes that encompass both aspects, such as the busty, brainless bimbo or silly, simpering schoolgirl. Indeed, some want to be maids so much that they would leap at the chance to serve as one, profoundly drawn to the prospect of being told what to do while wearing a formal uniform.

You might think that such enthusiasm would make it easier to have your husband do the housework, but excess passion can pose problems of its own, especially when reality falls short of his impractical expectations. Then there are the challenges of discovering the man you married harbours submissive or transvestite tendencies, something which can come as quite a shock should he suddenly tell you he wants to be your maid. That's a situation not helped by the way in which many submissive crossdressers don't fully understand their own desires, a powerful mixture of guilt, shame and sexual arousal complicating matters still further. Even if everything has been out in the open from the start, it's still useful to understand what drives such men - which is what this chapter is about, looking at how to get the best out of a “sissy maid”.

Can't my husband just stop crossdressing?

If you're not enamoured with the thought of your husband wearing women's clothes, you may be wondering why on earth you would want to encourage him doing so by having him serve as your maid. Surely it would be simpler just to ask him to stop, rather than have to see him in such a state on a regular basis? For most crossdressers, however, the desire to dress up is sufficiently deep-rooted as to be very difficult to suppress, with many having repeatedly attempted to purge themselves of their urges with nothing to show for it save for subsequent regrets. A man who feels the need to crossdress may be able to hide that fact from others - indeed, he may be able to temporarily convince himself that he's cured - but the underlying compulsion is unlikely to ever go away.

Rather than drive your husband to satisfy his desires in shame and in secret, or else presenting him with an impossible choice between you and his crossdressing, it's much better to find a compromise from which you both can benefit. On a superficial level, having him serve as your maid sees you getting the housework done in exchange for allowing him to dress up occasionally - indeed, if it helps, you can regard the effort involved in taking care of the chores as the price that your husband must pay to satisfy his desires, if not a penance for that. However, the role of the maid also provides a structure that helps keep his crossdressing within limits, its subordinate status making it seem natural for you to have the final say. There's a focus on putting your needs first, with the corresponding role of the mistress letting you dictate terms with the expectation that your maid will obey. Moreover, maids are useful - much more so than bimbos or schoolgirls - with their positive associations helping you steer your husband away from unhealthy, self-loathing fantasies towards a more wholesome regard for his other side, while still keeping you very much in mind. Instead of cursing your husband's odd quirk, you can turn it to both your advantages!

Of course, you may have no problem with your husband crossdressing, nor with him being submissive under certain circumstances - many women delight in being able to share another side of their lives with their men, perhaps appreciating the empathy and understanding of feminine matters that crossdressers often have, or else enjoying taking the lead to a greater or lesser extent. Regardless of your situation, a maid is a great thing to have, and submissive crossdressers make great maids!

What makes some men want to crossdress?

It's easy to conclude that men who wear women's clothing do so because they want to become women, if not to attract other men, donning feminine garments seeming the first step towards a change of both sex and sexuality. The common conflation of transvestite with transsexual does nothing to lessen the concerns of a wife catching her husband wearing her clothes, whereas the suggestive outfits that crossdressers are so often drawn to naturally lead one to assume the worst. A woman choosing to dress in such a provocative way would surely be seeking to turn men's heads, such that one might presume the same of a man who similarly tries to tarts himself up - however unattractive he might actually be.

Thankfully, crossdressing is a far more complicated phenomenon than such naïve misapprehensions might suggest. Although the motivations of men who want to wear women's clothing vary, the vast majority have no desire to go any further than dressing up from time to time - certainly not to the extent of surgery! Nor are they any more likely to want to get involved with other men as a result, remaining just as attracted to women even when they're wearing their clothes. That's not to say that there aren't crossdressers with homosexual or bisexual tendencies, not to deny those who dress to reflect their gender identity, but the latter is a cause rather than a consequence in the minority involved.

If you've enjoyed a traditional heterosexual relationship with your husband in which he's happily taken a masculine role, it's highly unlikely that you need to worry about him being any other words that end in “sexual”, especially if he's drawn to erotically charged stereotypes that appeal, albeit in different ways, to any libidinous man. Instead, it's almost certainly the case that his desire to dress up stems from seeking to satisfy a personal need of some sort. Again, it's easy to assume that this must be sexual, but many men find psychological or emotion fulfilment in being able to express their feminine sides more explicitly, some looking to escape the challenges of their gender, others enjoying a harmless way to relax and recharge - although only temporarily, with few actually wanting to do so all the time. That includes many of those who might say otherwise, for reasons we will discuss shortly.

Of course, many crossdressers do find wearing women's clothing to be arousing, stepping into a pair of sexy panties proving as exciting for them as seeing such underwear worn by a partner. That may be as a result of experiences growing up, with particular garments coming to be considered as more than just a means for a woman to enhance her femininity. For them, the erotic allure of a suggestively dressed siren extends to include what other men might regard as merely material, the crossdresser confusing the wrapping paper for what it contains but consequently able to enjoy what it embodies by wearing it himself. Nevertheless, he's still attracted to the feminine, as a consideration of the over-sexualised outfits many are captivated by makes clear. A French maid's uniform so tight as to threaten at any moment to burst open at the bust while simultaneously featuring a skirt so short that it's in permanent danger of putting the wearer's stockings and suspenders on display is a supreme example of this - a sight sure to get any red-blooded man's pulse racing were a woman to wear it.

It's not just the sight of women's clothing that can be seductive, however. The luxurious sensation of silky satin is a far cry from the more mundane fabrics that make up a man's wardrobe, with the swish of a dress around his legs an exciting experience even without trimming it with lace. Similarly, although a pair of pantyhose might seem unremarkable to a woman who wears them every day, the feeling of clinging nylon can be thrillingly different for a man who fools around in hosiery occasionally for fun. Bras, girdles and corsets all impose an unfamiliar constriction akin to being hugged, quite apart from their exotic elements - the straps, clasps and wires that we take for granted capable of fascinating the crossdresser who has nothing comparable in his own clothing.

Then there's the thrill of the taboo, with a delicious naughtiness to be found in doing something that one has always been told one shouldn't. Men can't wear skirts and dresses in the same way women might trousers or suits, the mere idea leaving them open to mockery, which can make doing so all the more exciting for those who dare to defy societal expectations. Crossdressing allows a man to thumb his nose at the endless conformity that can otherwise threaten to crush his spirit, even if he keeps what he wears strictly to himself. That might see him getting all dolled up in private, or else wearing panties in public without anyone knowing, the consequences of getting caught only adding to the kick.

No matter where a man may rank among his peers, he must still defend his position, the slightest weakness sure to be seized upon by rivals. Having to constantly assert himself can prove decidedly draining, regardless of whether he's a businessman or a blue-collar worker, with the demands of being a man not necessarily stopping once his day's work is done. In a world where he must forever stand his ground if he's not to be taken advantage of, surrendering even an inch may be unthinkable, but that may make abandoning the battle entirely paradoxically appealing - albeit strictly on his terms. Whether he's had to take charge all day or merely maintain his dignity while contending with a barrage of conflicting demands from uncaring bosses, every man needs a way to deal with stress, with crossdressing being much healthier than heavy drinking.

Donning symbolic attire allows many crossdressers to adopt an alter ego, letting them cast off their concerns with their regular clothing. In addition to enjoying a little escapism, they're able to express otherwise repressed aspects of their personalities, relinquishing their responsibilities as men for a carefree world without any such worries. The archetypes that so often appeal to submissive crossdressers speak of that, neither bimbos nor schoolgirls having to make crucial business decisions, but simply needing to stay true to their unlikely type - be that sexually uninhibited or sweet and innocent. Such roles may be a far cry from the lot of real women, but the daily difficulties we face aren't of interest to men whose sole aim is to take a brief break from the masculine. It's sufficient for them to put on a provocative pastiche of femininity rather than to actually try to pass as female, the plausibility of their broad shoulders and narrow hips irrelevant so long as they feel different while dressed up.

That brings us to the connection between crossdressing and submission, which we briefly touched upon in an earlier chapter. Although not always coinciding, the same factors that can drive a man to seek solace in women's clothing can also see him want to cede control to another - not the ball-busting boss whose only interest is the bottom line, nor the brute at the bar looking for an excuse to deliver a beating, but rather someone who can be trusted not to take things too far. Even those who turn to whip-cracking dominatrices know they'll never be in any real danger, however sore they may be after their encounter! A man's imagination is still more capable of protecting him as he plays out fantasies in which he's at the mercy of others, not unlike enjoying a scary movie or a stomach-churning roller coaster ride. Some are lucky enough to have a loving wife who takes the lead, able to let go safe in the knowledge she'll always have their best interests at heart, whether in the bedroom or beyond.

Again, that may be sexually arousing, but submission can also have a profound effect psychologically and emotionally too, leaving many men craving the chance to explore aspects of themselves that they can't ordinarily express for fear of being seen as weak. To emphasise the exchange of power, a submissive man might voluntarily put himself in a position where he is particularly vulnerable, perhaps by accepting restraints that reduce his freedom to resist subsequent indignities or by giving his partner more psychological control. That might see him naked save for a collar and leash, but it could equally involve him donning clothes that no self-respecting man would want to be caught wearing, a frilly dress rendering him powerless with the potential for humiliation it holds. In such a state, it's only natural for him to do as he's told, especially if that's something he secretly longs for but is too ashamed to admit.

In a quest to put as much distance as possible between himself and his everyday life as a man, a submissive crossdresser may be drawn to ludicrous caricatures of womanhood with correspondingly over-the-top outfits, the polar opposite of the alpha male in both appearance and attitude. It's easy to see how the stereotypical French maid might fall into that category with her suggestive uniform and happy-go-lucky helplessness, flouncing around with a feather duster when she's not being chastised for her clumsiness or being taken advantage of by her superiors. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean that a man who wants to be a maid necessarily wants to clean - he may just be turned on by the thought of a seductively dressed mistress bending him over the sideboard, or else enjoy the sensuous ensemble of satin and lace that serves as a uniform, quite apart from the ritual of abandoning his everyday clothes for such exciting garments. He may seek the simplicity that comes from being told what to do without having to think for himself, or be attracted to the idea of suffering, particularly for another's pleasure - all the more so if that other is impossible to satisfy, but instead imposes punishments that have a secret appeal of their own.

Indeed, the archetype of the maid may be no different in such respects to that of the bimbo, schoolgirl or any of the other roles that tickle a sissy's fancy, all of which may also tick the necessary boxes, whatever those may be. That's both bad and good news for the wife of a submissive crossdresser - on the one hand, it means that even a man who reveals he has a whole wardrobe full of maid's dresses may still require as much training as a husband who has never expressed any interest in dressing up to do the housework. On the other hand, it means that any interest in submission or crossdressing may be turned to your advantage, with a man who merely has a penchant for wearing panties just as capable of being guided towards being a maid as one who wants to be spanked as a naughty schoolgirl or spread his legs as a brainless bimbo, provided you understand his underlying motivations and are able to direct his desires.

What problems can submissive crossdressers have?

Crossdressing and submission can do much for a man, but even the occasional dalliance with dressing up and being told what to do may not be without its issues. Because of their escapist nature, the fantasies that often appeal to submissive crossdressers may not be very well grounded in reality, something that can pose problems even when they only exist in a man's head, let alone should he attempt to act them out. Sissies are also prone to being self-centred, and have a tendency to take their desires overly seriously, both of which can leave a woman feeling relegated to a distant third place behind her husband's alter ego and his clothes. Throw in the psychological baggage that can easily build up over years of repression and rejection, and a sissy starts to look rather less promising as a possible maid - indeed, the complications that come with such a man can run the risk of cleaning being a once and only affair, with some couples sadly falling foul of unlikely expectations on both sides.

If you look online, you can find countless submissive men dressed as maids, although despite their professed devotion to duty, most are shown much less usefully engaged than a woman might want. You only have to widen your search slightly to find pictures and stories of submissive crossdressers adopting other roles too, but regardless of the particular outfits involved, the basis is generally the same - not a realistic portrayal of men enjoying a relaxing hobby, but rather a exaggerated representation of fantasies, often magnifying particular themes to extremes. Combining exhibitionism with erotic charge, the subjects invariably appear in provocative, if not humiliating or degrading poses, the camera catching the most unlikely of moments - that is, when those moments haven't been made up entirely. Women and pre-operative transsexuals may be presented as regular men, and text may be added to pictures to give a very different impression to that originally intended. Moreover, the power of the Internet to bring people together can make even extremely niche interests seem more mainstream than they actually are, hardly helping keep things in perspective.

A man merely looking for masturbatory material may not be aware of how his fantasies are shaped by what he finds, but he can't help being affected all the same. Things are only made worse by the very personal, private nature of such desires, it being unlikely that a submissive crossdresser is able to discuss what he may see as a shameful secret with his friends, or even his spouse - no matter how close their relationship may otherwise be. Instead, he may turn to strangers steeped in a similarly unrealistic milieu, or simply keep everything bottled up inside, his burning need to scratch whatever itch he has making it difficult to assess his urges more objectively - especially if he can't fully satisfy them, but has to resort to half-measures that only fuel his hunger.

When he's had to suppress a part of himself for years, the build-up of pressure can see it take on life and death proportions, resulting in a counter-productive intensity when finally released. The slightest hint of acceptance may be taken as carte blanche to fully open the floodgates, overwhelming an unprepared partner. With her own needs neglected, the wife of a submissive crossdresser can come to feel she could be any woman so long as she provides clothes and commands, her tolerance stretched still further when her husband doesn't know what he wants, yet nevertheless expects her to read his mind as he pushes her well outside her comfort zone. Even men who professes to be submissive can be surprisingly selfish, wanting everything their own way, yet unable to pick up on the warning signals that should tell them they're taking things too far.

Men for whom wearing women's clothing holds a predominantly sexual appeal can be overly focused on their own arousal, finding it difficult to understand that others don't find them irresistibly attractive when they're wearing what they see as supremely exciting attire. Wanting to make love while dressed up can lead to friction with a partner who needs her man to be manly in order to get her in the mood, but even if you enjoy fooling around in frillies together from time to time, it doesn't get the sheets changed afterwards! Many self-professed sissy maids seem to regard cleaning as no more than a pretext for more amorous activities, no sooner having got dressed for duty than they're coming on like a dog in heat. A token effort with a feather duster may set the scene for sexy role-play, but it takes much more, less erotic effort to actually clean a house.

Crossdressers that are fascinated with the look or feel of their clothes can spend forever fussing with them, not content with even the most fanciful of outfits. The dresses that some sissies dream of can rival those of fairytale princesses, their impractically puffed out skirts featuring sumptuous satin and luxurious lace utterly ill-suited to scrubbing floors. Few women would ever wear such confections, and even then only on the most formal of occasions, but an obsession with the feminine can also see men drawn to rather more mundane items, some even believing they should take tampons inside them despite the risks. Regardless of what exactly pushes a sissy's buttons, prioritising looking the part over actually doing anything practical won't do it for a woman who doesn't really care what her maid wears so long as he gets the job done, his desire to get all dolled up clashing with her wanting him to get his hands dirty.

A submissive man may expect to be bossed about all the time, leading him to demand attention in a manner that can be very tiring for the woman to whom he's constantly turning to for commands - especially when he only hears those that suit him. Crossdressers can also crave constant acknowledgement, some incapable of being ignored for more than a few moments before they're trying to turn things back to them. “Look at me! Look at what I'm wearing!”, they clamour, endlessly seeking a reaction, albeit not necessarily one of approval. You might think it easier to make a maid out of a spoilt child than such a narcissistic man, humouring his incessant pestering only seeming to encourage more.

We'll discuss the subject of guilt and shame in more detail shortly, but many submissive crossdressers harbour desires that are hardly healthy, wanting to be hurt or humiliated in ways that can make a loving wife feel uneasy even without being asked to play a part. Some would-be maids have the strangest of ideas about how the housework should be done, perhaps wanting to prove their devotion by cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush or even their tongue - ideas that may have been plucked straight out of the sort of unlikely stories that imbue such degradations with an erotic thrill, but neither hygienic nor a productive use of their time! Others expect to be treated implausibly severely, all but begging for sadistic, often sexually charged punishments that have nothing to do with improving their performance but are more about alleviating the guilt or shame they feel. Again that doesn't get the cleaning done, instead leaving a woman feeling drained.

A sissy's flights of fancy may escape into fantasy entirely, perhaps with suggestions of him quitting his job so that he can live his dressed-up dream full-time - not as an ordinary woman, as disconcerting as that might be for his wife, but rather as an unlikely caricature that wears nothing but his preferred outfits as he abandons his other responsibilities for the simplicity of endless submission. When his imagination has him becoming no more than a permanent servant, it may seem natural for him to suggest that a “real” man steps in to take his former place, however concerning casual talk of cuckolding may prove to a partner who only wants him for a lover. Submissive crossdressers sometimes toy with ideas of being deprived of their manhood more literally, unconscious anxieties about their adequacy leading them to consider means of sparing themselves the burden of sexual urges. Such talk need not be overly serious in order to be disturbing, with just the thought that the man you married finds such topics titillating enough to make you uncomfortable. You certainly wouldn't want to give the green light to such darker desires simply because you're willing to humour your husband dressing up once in a while.

Even in this section, we're in danger of falling into the trap of making it all about him, but there are two sides to any relationship. If you've been happily married for many years, it can be difficult to come to terms with a change that threatens to destroy what's familiar, especially if that comes without warning. To discover that your husband has been dressing up in secret may leave you feeling hurt and betrayed, or else wondering whether you've not been enough of a woman to satisfy him. Wives of crossdressers can feel competed with, expected to be endlessly understanding while their own needs go ignored. Even if you see yourself as open-minded, you may have a visceral reaction to the sight of your husband in a dress, unable to stifle your ridicule, if not revulsion, let alone find him sexually attractive. You married a man, not a woman, and you certainly wouldn't want to trade your husband for one just to get the housework done.

It's beyond the scope of this book to discuss these issues exhaustively, with some couples turning to counselling in order to fully understand one another's needs. Nevertheless, such matters are by no means insurmountable, it usually being possible to find a mutually agreeable arrangement. Although a submissive crossdresser may never fulfil all his fantasies, he'll likely to come to find that the reality of serving as his wife's maid is much more satisfying than the empty promises of pornography. He'll learn a new respect, both for himself and for women - especially the woman he serves, replacing the shame and guilt that might once have haunted him with a healthy desire to make her happy. Moreover, many women are able to accept their husbands playing the part of a maid in a way they couldn't with other roles, its benefits such as to outweigh the drawbacks even if they distance it from the rest of their relationship.

How do feelings of guilt and shame affect a sissy?

It is the premise of this book that serving as his wife's maid is something that a man should be proud of, but many submissive crossdressers have very mixed emotions about their desires. On the one hand, they may be desperate to dress up, willing to do anything to be allowed to wear women's clothes. On the other, they may fantasise about being forced to do so, perhaps even dreaming of being blackmailed or hypnotised into dressing in the most disgraceful of ways. Despite their secret love of feminine garments, they may see wearing them as supremely humiliating, yet be turned on by the thought of being embarrassingly emasculated - even to the extent of being excited by the possibility of public exposure. Equally, they may feel they deserve to be punished, but crossdressing can be both the crime and the sentence - that is, when they're not expecting discipline of an even more demeaning kind. How can this circle be squared?

Such apparent contradictions can be explained by considering the stigma associated with what is actually a fairly harmless hobby. When a crossdresser grows up being told that he shouldn't do something he enjoys because it is shameful, it's hardly surprising that he'll feel guilty when he succumbs to temptation, his pleasure tempered by the remorse that often follows masturbation - indeed, many men, not to mention women, suffer similar complexes about self-gratification in general. Unable to explore his emotions with those around him for fear of their negative reaction, a crossdresser comes to see his feminine side as something that can only be explored furtively, the shameful consequences of being caught leading him to try to repress his desires, no matter how futilely.

Bottling up such irrepressible urges is like trying to dam a river, resulting in a flood when the barrier finally breaks. Like the desperate dieter who decides to lose weight by never eating again, only to binge to the extent of being sick when their rumbling stomach inevitably overwhelms their willpower, the crossdresser may take things to extremes when he eventually indulges, his subsequent orgy serving to make him feel even more guilty afterwards. Although it would be healthier to enjoy the odd treat occasionally, he instead resolves to resist temptation more fervently in future, thus causing the cycle to begin again. Clothes that thrilled him one moment may be thrown away the next, but such purging will only add to his regrets when he next feels the need to dress.

The endless battle between guilt and desire can see a submissive crossdresser drawn to means of relinquishing responsibility, transferring the decision to dress up to another so that he need no longer be held accountable for it. Of course, he only does so because he desperately wants to, the pretence of having no choice in the matter merely allowing him to avoid having to admit that he does. Displaying surprisingly eager reluctance, he hopes to be told to do what he secretly desires, assuaging the part of himself that hates his unmanly urges with the conceit that he's been compelled to indulge them. He can hardly be blamed if he's been made to wear women's clothing, with such psychological subterfuge even easier to swallow because of the submission inherent in so-called “forced” feminization - which can be profoundly arousing in its own right.

In a desire to atone for feelings that, at least on some level, he's ashamed of, a submissive crossdresser may expect to be punished for dressing up, drawn especially to humiliation of both physical and psychological kinds. By blurring the line between the disgrace of wearing women's clothes and that of suffering as a consequence, he seeks to lessen the guilt that he knows he will otherwise feel, regarding it as at least partly paid off by his mortification - which, again, can carry a strong sexual charge itself. In the case of a sissy maid, a desire to undertake particularly degrading chores makes more sense in this context, as does a longing for an impossible to please mistress. After all, it's not a man's fault if he's been set up to fail, with any punishment being entirely out of his hands - however much he might have pleaded for it!

The profound low that often follows a climax while crossdressed can lead some men seeking to eschew sexual relief entirely, thanks to them associating their subsequent feelings of shame with the moment of emission that separates them from earlier ecstasy. A fascination with indefinite denial can easily be explained in these terms, whether that takes the form of a submissive man wanting to be locked in a chastity belt for months at a time, or permanently prevented from ejaculation by means of castration. The serious consequences of the latter are generally disregarded in favour of how it might spare them any manly concerns, but even those whose fantasies don't go to such extremes may still regard orgasms as something they're not worthy to enjoy - perhaps only to be experienced in the most perfunctory of ways, if not as part of a punishment.

Earlier in this chapter, we discussed the erroneous conflation of crossdressing with homosexuality and transsexuality. Unfortunately, sissies aren't immune from coming to similarly false conclusions themselves, perhaps as a result of the very polarised parts they often believe men and women should play. That can add another source of unease should they assume that their desire to wear women's clothing somehow means they should be attracted to other men, or else must emulate women in other ways too. If the only options are to be the alpha male whose muscles make all the girls swoon, or one of those swooning girls in their sexy dresses, then a man who knows he can't meet the impossible standards of the former may overly identify with the latter - especially when stimulated by suggestive images of submissive beauties spreading their lips and legs. Along similar lines, overly rigid assumptions about what women want from a man can see some drawn to the idea of being cuckolded - a provocative fantasy, but one that can prove disturbing in the cold light of day. A man doesn't need to be married to feel ashamed or guilty about such thoughts, his internal conflict again seeing him seek to push their apparent cause away.

Feelings of shame and guilt don't necessarily operate in isolation, however, often combining with the factors we discussed earlier in ways that can explain some of a sissy maid's stranger desires. For instance, a man who dreams of cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush may regard the degradation inherent in doing so as somehow atoning for wanting to distance himself from the masculine dignity he must otherwise maintain, yet be simultaneously turned on by the prospect of acting out a particularly exciting pornographic image he has seen. Seeking to divest himself of any remaining responsibility, he might demand that his perplexed wife make him do so, perhaps as a punishment for a concocted crime, imagining that that will somehow prove his devotion or make up for his desire to wear a frilly apron and dress. He may not be consciously aware of such motivations, however, nor realise why seeking to satisfy them alarms her.

In any case, it's hardly a healthy foundation to build on. Thankfully, you don't have to rely on such negative emotions to have your husband help with the housework, with even the most unlikely of desires capable of being turned in a more positive direction. Rather than your husband feeling ashamed about being a submissive crossdresser, serving as your maid will help him develop a sense of pride, replacing unwholesome fantasies with a very real feeling of fulfilment. Compared with him finally coming to accept a repressed part of his personality, the fact that he'll take care of the chores might be regarded as merely icing on the cake, but he won't be the only one who'll be happier - you will be too!

How can I get a crossdressing husband to do the cleaning?

Not all submissive crossdressers want to be maids, but the role and its associated attire nevertheless satisfies the needs of most sufficiently that they can be persuaded to adopt it - either as an addition to their desired way of dressing up, or as a substitute. A man who wants to wear women's underwear may be allowed to do so provided he's willing to don an apron as well, whereas one drawn to the stereotypical uniform of a schoolgirl may be told that a maid's outfit would be preferable. Depending on which aspects appeal, he may readily accept an alternative that still allows him to express his submission, or else enjoy the sensuous femininity inherent in frilly satin. The slightest suggestion of acceptance is likely to be enough to encourage a sissy to try something different, but you can explicitly present things as a quid pro quo arrangement should you wish - if he wants to crossdress, then he's going to have to do so on your terms, which means doing the cleaning!

In the previous chapter, we suggested starting with a simple kitchen apron until your husband was comfortable enough with his new role to accept more, but a crossdresser can be expected to wear a complete maid's uniform from the very beginning. Unfortunately, that's the only progression that can be skipped, with the need to gradually develop what he does still remaining, not to mention his sense of being your maid - the latter meaning much more than simply donning a dress and satisfying his own desires. For all his enthusiasm about wearing a uniform, even a would-be sissy maid may be clueless when it comes to tackling the chores, not having given much thought to what's actually involved in helping around the house. Compounded by unrealistic expectations, a lack of experience can prove frustrating should his desire to please see him bite off more than he can chew, let alone if you expect him to do everything perfectly because he's dressed the part. That's as unrealistic as him thinking that being a maid involves no more than bending over hopefully while holding a feather duster, with neither approach likely to get the kitchen clean!

As mentioned earlier, a submissive crossdresser can regard any approval of his desires, no matter how conditional, as carte blanche to explore every aspect of them without further consideration of his partner's concerns. It's therefore critical to set limits from the start, stressing that having your husband serve as your maid is about satisfying your needs, rather than the reverse. With that in mind, the approach discussed in the previous chapter is just as appropriate for a would-be sissy maid as it is a more reluctant man, having him don his uniform to tackle a single, simple task before changing out of it again. Any suggestion of engaging with him sexually can be rebuffed with a reminder that being allowed to dress up is a reward in itself - regardless of whether you choose to treat your husband on subsequent occasions, it pays to make it plain that helping around the house isn't merely a pretext for pleasuring him. In doing so, you discourage him from rushing through the chores in the hope of relieving his horniness, as well as avoiding him losing interest afterwards.

Starting small also helps to overcome any initial awkwardness. If your husband has never previously crossdressed in your company, he may feel embarrassed or anxious, it taking time for him to feel comfortable in front of you, regardless of how close you may otherwise be. Equally, you may have difficulty coming to terms with seeing a very different side of the man you love, perhaps struggling to suppress your amusement or even distaste at the sight of him wearing an unlikely outfit - all the more so should he find it unfathomably arousing. It's certainly not a time for your new maid to be taking on anything challenging, with something straightforward such as doing the dishes helping to break the ice. Over time, you can gradually ask more of your husband, as we discussed in the previous chapter, extending his responsibilities even as you remake his understanding of being a maid into something that revolves around you.

Again, it's best to establish a routine where your husband is expected to do a small set of chores regularly without fail, rather than tackling more on an ad hoc basis. With submissive crossdressers, there's the danger that dressing up and doing the housework becomes something a man only does when he's in the mood, his enthusiasm to help out depending very much on his desires. Not feeling the urge is no excuse for a sissy maid to shirk his responsibilities, however, with the needs of the house no less as a result. Many crossdressers find their desires wax and wane, sometimes driven by the feelings we discussed earlier, sometimes for no discernible reason, but cleaning requires a constant commitment nonetheless. You can take advantage of those times when your husband is particularly keen by extending his duties, but you shouldn't relax them when he is less enthusiastic. Doing the housework when he doesn't want to may be presented as the price he must pay for being allowed to dress up in both the past and the future, with any fantasies he may have had about being “forced” to be a maid ones you can remind him of on such occasions.

A sissy maid benefits as much as any other man for being praised when he pleases, with appreciative words helping a submissive crossdresser develop a healthier attitude towards his alter ego. You should encourage your husband to take pride in being productive, telling him that he has nothing to feel ashamed about for wanting to do the housework. You can stress how happy you are to have found a way that you can both benefit from his desire to dress up, contrasting the useful service he provides as a maid with any less fruitful fantasies he may have shared. A naughty schoolgirl wouldn't pay her way around the house any more than a brainless bimbo, both being rather silly stereotypes, but a hard-working maid is a very different matter. As before, qualities such as “obedient”, thoughtful” and “devoted” can be presented as positive traits that your husband should aspire to, but there's no need to encourage a narcissistic obsession with his appearance by making too regular reference to what he's wearing. So long as there's nothing grossly amiss with it, a sissy maid's uniform can be taken for granted, with words like “cute” and “pretty” that a crossdresser may crave better associated with him being hard at work. “You're so cute when you're scrubbing away like that! What a devoted maid you are!”.

Communication is the key to any successful relationship, even that between mistress and maid. It's worth establishing a non-judgemental rapport in which your husband feels comfortable sharing his feelings and fantasies, with the proviso that you're under no obligation to indulge any of them - something you should stress from the start. Once again, serving as your maid is not about you bending over backwards to humour his whims, but bringing everything out into the open will give you a better understanding of what drives him. Of course, if you can find common ground that allows some of his dreams to come true in the course of him making himself useful, so much the better - indeed, you might entertain seemingly daft desires, such as a longing to wear high heels or large false breasts, should doing so particularly motivate him. Such items may be reserved as an occasional reward or become a regular part of his uniform at your discretion, the latter still allowing them to be removed as a sanction.

By making it clear throughout that your husband serves as your maid strictly on your terms, you help avoid him making assumptions that can lead to later awkwardness. A simple retort should he seek to take liberties is to tell him “I'm the mistress, so I make the rules; you're the maid, so you do as I say”, but it's better to share your own feelings, letting him know should something make you uncomfortable even if you can't put a finger on why exactly that is. To begin with, the realities of your husband's new role may not be everything he had hoped for, but he'll soon come to appreciate exploring his desires as part of a healthy relationship, rather than them remaining a shameful secret mired in unlikely or unwholesome fantasies. Moreover, by following the gradual progression outlined in the previous chapter, it won't be long before he's taking care of all the chores too - a win-win situation for wife and husband!

How do I address particular problems?

Even men who desperately want to be maids can suffer the teething troubles discussed in the previous chapter, but submissive crossdressers are prone to particular problems of their own. It can take a while for them to abandon any unrealistic expectations in favour of accepting the realities of being a maid, no longer focusing solely on their own satisfaction but having to accommodate the needs of another - indeed, to put those needs above their own. Nevertheless, such issues can be easily addressed, your husband merely having to be steered in the right direction to dispel any delusions he may initially harbour.

• he's more interested in getting off than getting the housework done

  If your husband is sexually aroused by aspects of being a maid, be it the look and feel of a sensuous outfit, the submission inherent in serving you, or simply stepping into a stereotype that carries strong erotic connotations, he may struggle to keep his mind on more mundane matters. Being pestered for sex can be particularly problematic should you find the sight of your husband in a dress to be a turn off, but he may equally be tempted to take matters into his own hands without you. One might consider just allowing him to satisfy his needs were it not for the way that submissive crossdressers invariably lose any remaining interest in cleaning after climax, often wanting nothing more than to get out of the clothes that proved so exciting for them only moments before.

  Locking around his manhood, a male chastity device will prevent your husband from enjoying any sexual pleasure until it is removed, something you can tell him won't be happening until the chores are completed to your satisfaction. Such contraptions don't have to be absolutely secure to serve their purpose, nor even particularly comfortable, it being sufficient that they perform their function for the brief time for which they are worn. We'll discuss the use of such devices in more detail in a later chapter, but for now it's enough to note that they can be purchased relatively cheaply, and that the problem of getting your husband into one each time can be delegated to him. If you don't even want to think about what's between your maid's legs, you can have him give you the keys well in advance of getting changed, only returning them to him after the house has been cleaned and his uniform put away - the lock will do the rest!

  A male chastity device can also address any desire your husband may have to be kept sexually denied, especially if the latter stems from associating climaxing while crossdressed with subsequent feelings of shame. Playful talk of never letting your maid come can prove a powerful turn on, but that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of the resulting arousal afterwards, making love with your man when he's unencumbered by anything that might affect the mood.

• he takes forever getting dressed and can't stop fussing with his clothes

  If you've ever wanted to look your best for a date or a dinner party, you'll know just how much time getting ready can take - from picking out the right combination of clothes to making sure every last aspect of your appearance is perfect. Even without a wardrobe full of dresses to dither over, a sissy maid can get similarly caught up in changing, entranced by rituals that evoke powerful feelings of femininity for him, or else desperate to disguise his masculinity. That might see him wanting to go to town with make-up, worrying about whether his apron is tied the way it should, or seeking to ensure his stocking tops are absolutely straight - matters that can remain on his mind even after he's supposedly started work. Smoothing out his petticoats may be as much about enjoying the sensation of their silky material as addressing any creases, but constantly reminding himself that he's crossdressed doesn't get the chores done.

  Although a professional maid should always appear presentable, their attire shouldn't distract them from the work they're employed to do, let alone cause them to arrive late. Setting your husband a strict time to present himself for duty under pain of punishment will stop him making you wait, leaving it down to him to judge how much earlier he must start getting changed. A man who takes a particular pleasure in his appearance can be encouraged to be punctual by the threat of taking his clothes away, either by insisting that he begins work in whatever state you find him, or by reducing his uniform to more manageable proportions until he's demonstrated he deserves to wear more. Should you catch him unnecessarily fussing, you can deny him the offending garment, whether by having him remove it on the spot, or excluding it from his uniform next time.

  As we discussed in the previous chapter, a man needs no more than an apron to indicate that he's a maid, and that needn't be especially frilly to symbolise his role. Doing the housework is a responsibility, but dressing up for it is a privilege, one which you can allow or restrict in increments until your husband comes to understand which is more important. Crossdressing certainly isn't an all or nothing affair, as much as a sissy might believe otherwise - you might permit your maid to wear sexy lingerie beneath casual clothing, or else have him wear a frilly uniform on top of a set of sweats or functional foundation garments. Putting on make-up and painting his nails can become treats with which to reward particularly pleasing performance, the prospect of being able to enjoy these feminine delights sure to drive such a man on.

• his fantasies feature different roles

  The role of the maid has the benefit of satisfying both a crossdressing husband and a wife who simply wants her cleaning taken care of, but it can still be something of a compromise. On the one hand, you have to accept that the man you married will be dressing the part, albeit with that saving you at least some of the housework as a result. On the other, a submissive crossdresser must come to terms with a more realistic means of fulfilling his desires, becoming a maid in lieu of entertaining less likely roles. Over time, he'll surely appreciate the deeper satisfaction that comes from practical service, but he may still dream about dressing up as a schoolgirl, secretary or bimbo.

  At the outset, such a man should be encouraged to give being a maid a try, even if it doesn't do as much for him. It may be that his other fantasies fade once he has an outlet for his desires, especially when that outlet is supported by his wife. It's also better to avoid diluting associations by mixing in those of other archetypes, with a symbolic maid's uniform being by far the best outfit for a crossdresser to clean in, just as it is for any other man. As we've seen, however, an apron can be worn on top of other clothing while still retaining its meaning, allowing it to be combined with whatever else might take your husband's fancy should doing so particularly motivate him to do the chores.

  A man who dreams of being a busty bimbo can wear a clinging mini-dress in place of one intended for a maid - indeed, we'll be considering the virtues of that fashion staple, the little black dress, in a subsequent chapter. An apron can be worn over an overstuffed bra and low-cut neckline just as easily as it can the pretty party dress of a more innocent girl, with a full pinafore being a perfect accompaniment to the latter. It doesn't matter whether your husband is passionate about the pencil skirts of a stereotypical secretary or the stiff pleats of a school uniform, sheer fitted blouses or stylised sailor's tops - all can have an apron added to them, making it clear the wearer must clean. He can think of himself as your little helper, imagine that his office duties have been extended to include taking care of the boss's house, or simply be told that he shouldn't trouble his pretty little head by trying to think, merely shut up and do as you say. Either way, he'll really be serving as your maid, with further role-play with his preferred role something you can reward him with should he perform to your satisfaction.

• his fantasies feature other women

  If serving a single woman is a dream come true for a submissive crossdresser, then serving two must surely offer double the delights, the mere thought of having to attend to the needs of all his wife's friends sending many a sissy maid's heart aflutter as he considers curtseying in front of a crowd. If you're more ambivalent about your husband's desires, however, perhaps regarding his need to dress up as a source of shame, you'll be rather less keen about sharing things with all and sundry. Having him serve as your maid may be something you feel should stay as private as your sex life, however much pleasure it may bring.

  We'll be discussing the practicalities of introducing your maid to others in the final chapter of this book, there being a very good reason why we'll be deferring the subject until then. Quite apart from any other issues, a maid's performance reflects equally on his mistress, with a bumbling man being an embarrassment to all concerned. As such, any naïve suggestions from your husband that he might appear dressed in front of your friends may be swiftly dismissed by telling him he's far from proficient enough - especially when he's just starting to learn the ropes. If talk of him needing much more in the way of practice serves to motivate him, then so much the better! Of course, you can also explain your desire to keep your special secret strictly between the two of you, making it clear that you want your maid to be thinking only of you.

  Some submissive men have strange ideas about the superiority of women, perhaps fuelled by far-fetched fantasies of female rule, some even proposing that the entire male gender is inferior in every way. In reality, there is a huge difference between a man being respectful to members of the opposite sex and throwing himself at their feet, with neither the sales assistants in the lingerie shop nor passing women in the street wanting to be regarded as goddesses by some slavering stranger - particularly not when his motivations are more selfish than he might care to admit. Whether as a man or a maid, your husband should be courteous, yet still assert himself where appropriate - not least so as not to show you up! After all, a maid doesn't work for women in general, but should put the needs of his mistress first - needs that will require him to discard unlikely daydreams of being dominated by others.

• his fantasies feature other men

  Some submissive crossdressers have fantasies in which another man fills the space they've left behind, often one whose masculinity is as exaggerated as the femininity they dream of adopting themselves. While they're reduced to playing the part of the weakest of women, their replacement is taking their place in the marital bed, asserting a stereotypical manliness in ways a sissy maid never could. A man can hardly come back after having his own pretence of masculinity so dramatically dashed, making such daydreams particularly appealing to those drawn to the idea of permanently abandoning the demands of everyday life.

  Not all fantasies should be taken at face value, let alone fulfilled. That being said, suggestions of cuckolding can be neatly sidestepped by making your husband the other man as well as the maid. “That bed had better be sorted before the man of the house gets back”, you can tell him as he changes the sheets, drawing a distinction between his alter ego and his regular role, “because he's going to give me a good seeing to”. In doing so, you not only allow your husband to enjoy a heightened sense of emasculation without any risk to your marriage, but also remind him that he must be a man again in due course. It doesn't matter that the man of the house and the maid will never meet, save in the moment he changes his clothes, each expected to make you happy in their own different ways. Beyond that, a very clear line can be drawn, making it clear that there'll only ever be the two of you in your marriage.

  Some sissies are attracted to activities that seem to raise questions about their sexuality, perhaps wanting to be penetrated or perform orally. This is more likely to stem from considering such acts to be supremely feminine than an attraction to the masculine, the thought of bending over to be taken or else dropping to his knees proving profoundly provocative to a man seeking ways to distance himself from societal expectations about his sex. Once again, an underlying narcissism can often be seen - it's all about him, and about how surrendering to a dominant partner makes him feel, be that submissive, sexually liberated or even shamefully degraded. In any case, a sex toy serves much the same purpose without any unwanted complications, the ways in which one can be employed to motivate a sissy a subject we will consider in a later chapter. Here it is you, or at least the plastic serving as your proxy, that plays the part of the other man, with your husband's surrender to a dildo made more meaningful for it being your dildo. Even in parody, the maid is seeking to please the mistress, there being no need to dilute his devotions whatsoever.

• his fantasies feature him coming to harm because of self-hatred

  As we discussed earlier, men who have yet to fully accept their desires may seek to assuage their feelings of shame through suffering. That may see them fantasise about impossibly strict servitude featuring demeaning drudgery, the slightest mistake serving as grounds for disproportionately harsh discipline. Proposing painfully cruel punishments or particularly gruelling chores may be more pleasurable for such a man than actually undertaking them, but again, the mere suggestion can prove disturbing to a loving spouse. You wouldn't want to hurt your husband any more than you'd want him to hurt himself, talk of whipping him for not doing the washing up properly making you worry about what's going on in his head.

  Rather than take such ideas too seriously, it's best just to laugh them off, regarding them as a symptom of self-loathing that will soon disappear once your husband develops a healthier regard for his desires. By providing him with a wholesome role he can be proud of, you'll help your maid leave the dungeon of self-imposed disgrace, such cold cruelty likely to lose its appeal once he's experienced the warmth of your loving appreciation. In the interim, you can dismiss more implausible suggestions with a simple “No, that sounds like far too much work!”, proposing more realistic alternatives in their place. At the risk of turning this chapter into a series of pointers into the second half of the book, we'll be looking at positive means of motivating a maid in another chapter, exploring how practical punishments are just one of several ways you can get the result you want - whether as a deterrent or as a playful reward.

• he's much too enthusiastic about being a maid

  For a man who may have had to hide his desires his whole life, being able to bring things out into the open is sure to be a big thing. Like a child tasting chocolate for the first time, he can only think of how he might enjoy more of such a wondrous new sensation, blissfully unaware of how tentatively he may actually be accepted. It's not enough to just do the dishes - he wants to be a maid all day, every day, wearing nothing but dresses as he cleans the house from top to bottom. Never mind that he has other aspects of life to attend to, nor that you might want him to be a man from time to time - he's a maid, a maid who wants to be a maid so much that he'll quit his job to be a maid, dressed as a maid doing what a maid does, like a maid forevermore.

  Just as children who gorge themselves on chocolate invariably end up being sick, a man who binges on his desires risks falling prey to the negative cycle of excess and shame we discussed earlier, quite apart from whether his abilities are equal to his enthusiasm. It's better to make it clear that your husband is your maid only until he has completed the chores you have set him, rationing his time in a dress so as to ensure his service remains regular and reliable in the future. “No, that's enough for tonight”, you can say, giving him something to look forward to by continuing “You can do so again next week”. Suggesting that you may allow him to do more when he's mastered his current chores will encourage such a man to give his very best, even if he's only doing the dishes.

  Any initial over-enthusiasm is likely to temper with time, as your husband becomes more familiar with the feelings and sensations that accompany domestic service. If, even after having become accustomed to the realities of the role, he still talks about wanting to take things too far, then it's easy to persuade him otherwise - simply give him a taste of what he's asking for, perhaps setting aside a weekend in which he'll work as a maid morning, noon and night. He'll be surprised just how many hours there are in the day when he has to stay on his feet from dawn to dusk, a never-ending series of chores giving him no time to rest. You can take the opportunity to have him clean the house from top to bottom, tasking him with getting the dirt out from every last nook and cranny, or just have him scrub the same floor again, and again, and again. Either way, the chances are he'll be glad to go back to a more modest routine, the experience teaching him that even being a maid is better in moderation.

• he loses enthusiasm

  The initial enthusiasm we've just discussed can see a man lose interest once he's scratched the itch of his previously pent-up passions, the realisation that serving as a maid isn't going to be a non-stop series of orgasms leaving the mundanities of cleaning seeming unappealing in comparison. Even if he's able to fully fulfil his fantasies, a sissy may feel a sense of anticlimax, whereas one who must come to terms with not being able to live out all of his daydreams can be equally listless. Token attempts at cleaning may become more and more begrudging, with a man who might once have been willing to do anything to wear a maid's uniform having to be coaxed into it as though he wasn't a crossdresser.

  Of course, coaxing a reluctant husband into dressing up and doing the cleaning isn't impossible, as we saw in the previous chapter. Rather than relying on his dwindling desires, the same benefits as before can be stressed - the opportunity to put any worries to one side and unwind, the sense of pride that comes from a job well done, the warm glow of being helpful, not to mention your appreciation for him doing his bit. Over time, these aspects can replace the roller-coaster excitement that he might have initially craved, providing sustainable motivation for a sissy just as much as any other man. It merely requires the same patient approach to help him see being your maid in this new light, his previous passions serving as a springboard over the initial hurdle.

Where do I go from here?

Even a man who wants to be a maid must still get up to speed with the chores, the subject of which we'll be turning to in the next chapter. Following that, we'll be discussing maid's uniforms in more detail, helping you understand why certain aspects of these stereotypical outfits may have particular meaning for a submissive crossdresser. We'll then look at how to encourage your husband to be the kind of maid you want, seeing how rewards and deterrents can be used to motivate a sissy without undue effort on your part. Finally, we'll conclude with ways of deepening your relationship as mistress and maid, considering some ideas you can explore to emphasise your husband's submission. Over the course of the remaining chapters, we'll cover everything you need to know to make him a maid for real, allowing you both to enjoy his crossdressing productively.