Circumstances saw my husband having little choice but to spend more time around the house. Some men might have squandered that opportunity, perhaps frittering away the extra hours in front of the television, if not worse, but that wasn't going to be the case for him - his maid's uniform would make sure of that, encouraging him to make himself useful. Despite a lengthy list of chores, however, there was still a danger of him finding himself at a loose end, every nook and cranny soon spotlessly clean. What was I to do to keep my housemaid husband from getting under my feet? I could instruct him to stand in the corner until called, but there's only so long an intelligent man can do that before the sheer boredom becomes a punishment, especially when he must do so day after day. With no end to the situation in sight, I wanted something more profitable to occupy him, yet something that would still emphasise his submission to me.
The answer came from the most unlikely of places - a vintage pin-up, stumbled upon while searching for something to liven up our downstairs toilet. I'd seen many pictures of maids showing their stocking tops, but this one was different, the garter strap that she was cheekily revealing beneath her lifted-up skirt of less interest than the book she was holding. “Self-taught French”, its title boasted - perhaps intended as no more than an entertaining accompaniment to her frilly uniform and feather duster, but sparking the most wonderful of ideas. My husband wasn't just going to dress as a French maid while he carried out his chores, he was going to speak like one too, learning this most romantic of languages so that he could sound as well as look the part. He was going to become Fifi, and I would become Madame, our role-playing requiring him to communicate solely en français. Knowing barely a word of French to begin with, my husband suddenly had a real challenge on his hands, there being no time to stand around when he had to hurriedly study - or else face the consequences of being unable to adequately answer my questions and commands.
When you watch a man totter around in stilettos for the first time, you might wonder whether he'll ever be able to walk in them, let alone with the grace of a woman. Yet if he wears such shoes enough, scurrying about on high spikes will sooner or later come as second nature to him, the seemingly impossible challenge succumbing to patience and practice. So too when it comes to learning a language, with my husband's first, faltering attempts to say anything soon forgotten as he mastered more and more. Every step of his journey required him to make an effort, however, there being no progress without persistence - a discipline that every male maid can benefit from. Moreover, there's no end to where learning French might yet take him, with what started out as a playful game seeing him slowly but surely develop a useful skill. Quite apart from the fun we've had together, he has something to show for all his time stuck inside - far more than he would had he merely sat in front of the television!
There are countless books that promise to teach the reader French, but none that were well-suited to a man in my husband's position. What use is learning about hotels and holidays when you need to ask whether you should wash your wife's bra or plead that your panty girdle is too tight? Furthermore, many modern textbooks tend to forsake explaining grammar in favour of offering bite-sized phrases, erroneously making light of the rules of the language rather than acknowledging them as an all-important foundation. Perhaps it is enough for a tourist to stumble through a series of words without really understanding how they fit together, but I wanted my maid to speak with the same meticulousness as he undertakes any chore, it being no more acceptable for him to make sloppy use of adjectives and adverbs as it would for him to do so with his scrubbing brush and bucket!
With that in mind, en français, Fifi! was born - the textbook that I would have wanted my husband to learn from, not only containing the vocabulary a submissive maid should know, but putting a solid emphasis on grammar. The examples are deliberately exaggerated, painting a provocative world where men work as secretaries when they're not serving as maids, where bras and chastity belts are expected attire for submissive servants and subordinates, and where women amuse themselves by asserting their superiority in the most frustrating and humiliating of ways - the sort of world that many sissies dream about, offering a delicious escape from the more mundane difficulties of everyday life, yet devilishly distracting for those trying to learn a language.
You can use en français, Fifi! as part of a roleplay, or as a more serious course of study. Each of the forty nine lessons contains enough material to prove challenging in itself, requiring the reader to make a real effort if he's to master it. It gives me great pleasure to think of submissive men desperately trying to memorise embarrassingly emasculating phrases out of a desire to avoid punishment, but it might amuse you to set impossibly exacting standards for your sissy so that he's sure to suffer. How awful it would be for him to spend time bent over this book, perhaps dressed the part, only to suffer the paddle or a prolonged period of chastity anyway! Alternatively, you might use it as a means of keeping him busy, knowing that he can't afford to daydream if he's to demonstrate results. Each lesson builds on those that precede it, such that the reader must make an effort to retain what he's learned even as he moves on. Over the course of a couple of months, an hour a day will yield a reasonable knowledge of French, rewarding any man who's willing to put in the work, yet swiftly showing up those who attempt to shirk their studies!
Should you really want to keep your maid on his toes, you might tell him that he's not allowed to speak English at all while dressed for duty, requiring him to resort to a very limited vocabulary in order to express himself - just as a foreign cleaner might, leaving him helplessly lost for words. How can a man say that he would rather wear trousers and shirts when he only knows how to speak of blouses and skirts? Of course, you can turn the opposite to your advantage too - if your maid can't tell you that the toilet is clean, then perhaps he should get busy with his scrubbing brush! A slip of his lips can provide all the excuse you need to have fun at his expense, especially if you understand the language yourself, but you don't need to know a word of French in order to make him stammer. Simply ask something in English, and have him translate his answer, insisting that he explains his choice of words.
Although written primarily with maids in mind, en français, Fifi! is suitable for any submissive crossdresser who would benefit from a structured course of study. It offers not only a means of profitably occupying a sissy secretary should the latter be permitted to take a break from typing, but also a means of adding skills to his résumé that will remain with him even when he goes back to being a businessman. A man who longs to take a break from the rat race by role-playing a return to school, perhaps dressed as a parody of a girl, will find ample distraction in the following pages, but he won't be able to fool around when every lesson ends with a test of his abilities. Whether he's wearing an apron and dress, a skirt and blouse, or a very special uniform, you can be sure he'll be kept on his toes, but you don't need to do much yourself - simply set him a lesson, then sit back and relax until he makes the grade. At the end of the course, two thousand word translation exercises provide a challenging, yet achievable target for him to work towards, as well as a way of proving whether he's really paid attention, it needing nothing more than hard work for a man to master them.
If you're a sissy without a mistress, you can still make use of this book, although you will need to demonstrate a degree of self-discipline if you're to progress. Being able to tell a potential partner that you have learned French so that you might amuse her as you serve will certainly set you apart from the countless submissives who only consider their own selfish desires! I hope, however, that you will find a personal pleasure in wrapping your lips around some of the wonderful words you'll discover over the course of these lessons, because there's nothing like learning a language to broaden your perspective.
I would like to thank my proofreaders, including the sissy whose Madame likes him to wear pink pantyhose, and Francis (in the hope that this will draw a smile on his better half's face), for everything they have taught me about the language during the process of polishing this book. Without their corrections, suggestions and advice, en français, Fifi! would sound far less French! Any errors that remain are solely my own, although I shall blame my maid for failing to draw those that aren't deliberate to my attention!