Chapter 4: How do I make sure no-one sees his bra?

If your husband is to wear a bra in the presence of other people without it being noticed - in front of colleagues at work, for instance - it is of the utmost importance that he should know how to dress and act so as to avoid revealing his embarrassing secret. Although many men naively imagine that simply wearing a thick enough shirt ought to be sufficient to hide their feminine attire, there are a number of tell-tale signs that can give away the presence of a brassière to an attentive observer, even if it might otherwise be considered to be reasonably well hidden under clothing.

Perhaps the best way to give your husband an understanding of the issues involved is to take him to a busy shopping centre and spend a little time observing women in everyday life, highlighting the various ways in which their underwear is visible. Your husband will almost certainly be very keen that no-one should see him wearing a bra, even if he has yet to properly resign himself to the fact that he must do so, and as such is likely to be a very eager student, particularly if he is suitably attired under his male clothing. If you are being open about his brassière discipline, you may wish to do this in conjunction with having him read through this section of the guide with you, subsequently telling you what he has learnt from it.

What are the tell-tale signs of a bra?

Brassières that are immediately visible

Figure 4.1: As well as the straps of his bra being plainly visible, the low cut of this strappy top reveals part of its cups too. The choice of contrasting colours such as black and red against pale skin makes it impossible to ignore such feminine attire.

Some women, particularly those of a younger generation, do little to hide the fact that they are wearing a bra, even going so far as to openly flaunt their taste in lingerie as an expression of their sexuality. In warmer months, it is quite common to see young ladies adopting the fashion for strappy tops without any regard for whether or not their bras can be seen by those around them. Although some may try to maintain their modesty by attempting to keep their bra straps hidden, this is invariably a losing battle where such tops are concerned, and many choose simply to co-ordinate the colour of their clothes so as not to draw undue attention to their underwear. Contrasting colours have quite the opposite effect, as Figure 4.1 demonstrates. Low cut tops, dresses with a low back and even sleeveless blouses can also allow a bra to be seen, whether accidentally or otherwise.

You would be wrong to think that your husband cannot learn anything from such an obvious display of bra straps. He may be chastised for enjoying what he almost certainly regards as eye-candy, and warned that if he misbehaves, he too may end up wearing a strappy top that does nothing to hide his feminine underwear. Moreover, it offers an opportunity for him to gain a deeper understanding of how real women relate to their bras, not as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, but often as just another fashion accessory - possibly even something to show off if they are feeling daring enough!

Brassières that are visible through clothing

Figure 4.2: Despite its faint pattern, this summer shirt is thin enough to allow a white bra to be seen clearly underneath. Imagine how much worse it would be for my brassièred husband if the bra in question were black.

One need only consider the pitfalls of wearing a black bra under a sheer white blouse to understand that merely covering a brassière may not necessarily be sufficient to keep it out of sight. As is so often the case with women who wear such blouses to work, even a white bra can be plain for all to see through thin white material, particularly if the blouse in question is a little tight. While your husband is unlikely to be wearing such an obvious combination unless he is being severely punished, he should still take care to ensure that his outer clothing is sufficiently opaque to avoid his bra showing through, as Figure 4.2 illustrates. Shirts that are thicker, looser or darker in colour offer more protection in this regard, but may still allow a bra to be seen under certain lighting conditions, such as the glare of a spotlight. Various female celebrities have learnt this to their cost - the flash of paparazzi photography being enough to inadvertently highlight their lingerie under otherwise opaque clothing.

It is also worth remembering that most materials become more translucent when wet. It would be an unfortunate man who arrives at work to be greeted by the astonished gasps of his secretary, the bra that he thought was safely hidden now painfully visible thanks to the torrential downpour he endured between the car park and his office. Even working up a sweat may be enough for him to have to explain the situation to her with the humiliating words “my wife makes me wear a bra to stop me misbehaving”, a shameful experience that could easily have been avoided with a wiser choice of clothes.

Outlines that are visible through clothing

Figure 4.3: Although the colour of his brassière may be hidden under this stretchy top, its outline is most certainly visible thanks to the clinging material being pulled tight across his body, highlighting the contours of the bra underneath.

If your husband is to retain his dignity, it is not just the colour of his bra that must be kept from showing through his clothing. The ease with which the outline of a brassière can become visible is illustrated perfectly in Figure 4.3, where my brassièred husband wears a stretchy top that clings closely to the shape of his body, moulding itself around the contours of his bra in the process. Although the colour of the bra cannot be determined, its outline is painfully apparent, making it impossible for my husband to deny its presence. Obviously, this is not a top that he would choose to wear in public, but surprisingly many women may be seen wearing similarly tight clothes that do just as little to hide their underwear. Such women presumably have much less of an incentive than my brassièred husband to ensure their lingerie remains hidden.

Although looser clothing presents less of a problem in this regard, one must still take care to ensure that an outline does not become visible as a result of adopting positions or making movements that cause the clothes to be pulled tight across the body. A bra that might otherwise have remained perfectly invisible may suddenly jump out for all to see if your husband bends forwards, for instance, revealing a most unmanly pair of bra straps on his back in the process. Even something as innocuous as scratching his shoulder can display the side panel of his bra if he does not take this into consideration when doing so.

Bumps caused by the strap adjusters

Figure 4.4: The dreaded “bra strap bumps” are by far the most problematic aspect of most brassières when it comes to keeping them hidden by the male wearer. Under a thin T-shirt such as this, they are impossible to hide, but even under several layers of thicker clothing, they can still become occasionally apparent.

By far the most troublesome problem encountered in trying to hide male bra wear is that of the two little bumps caused by the strap adjusters protruding from the bra straps, as shown in Figure 4.4. Even under several layers of loose opaque clothing, these bumps can still become visible when bending over or otherwise causing the clothes to be pulled tight across the back. Such bumps can be very subtle, and may not be noticed, let alone recognised for what they are, by the vast majority of observers, particularly if present only fleetingly. Although no-one would think anything of it were a woman to have such bumps on her back, this is a luxury your husband simply does not have, no matter briefly he may reveal their presence, as their meaning will be understood immediately by those women who have an eye for such things. Whilst subtly signalling to other women that your husband is brassièred can be beneficial in certain situations, it is something best avoided if you do not want anyone to know you make him wear a bra.

Bulges around the band of the bra

Figure 4.5: A brassière that is too tight will squeeze the surrounding flesh, resulting in an unsightly “bra bulge” that is often visible under clothing. Even my relatively skinny husband is not immune from this unpleasant phenomenon, which would be many times worse were he to be even a little overweight.

A significant proportion of women wear badly fitting bras without realising that they are the wrong size, and of these, many are wearing bras that are simply too tight, sometimes as a result of not being prepared to admit they have gained weight, and sometimes because they have never known the difference that a well fitting bra can make. Not only does this increase the risk of certain medical conditions, it may also produce a very distinctive effect in which the surrounding flesh is pushed out around the band of the bra. As well as being somewhat unattractive, this “bra bulge” can be quite noticeable, particularly under tight clothing - Figure 4.5 illustrates the problem. Bra wearing men and women alike are well advised to avoid brassières that are too tight so as to avoid this distasteful phenomenon!

Adjusting the bra in public

Figure 4.6: Allowing his bra straps to fall would clearly give away my husband's embarrassing secret, but it is just as bad for him to be seen adjusting them in an attempt to forestall the problem - a most distinctive movement that many women will recognise immediately. His choice of tops is not ideal either!

Men have more of problem than women when it comes to keeping their bra straps on their shoulders, for without the presence of breasts to fill the cups, there is less weight to keep the straps taut, which in turn are more likely to slip off the shoulders and down the arms. Repositioning a strap that has so fallen requires quite a distinctive movement, and although women may get away with committing only a minor social faux-pas were they to do so in front of an audience, men must take much greater care that they never do so in public. Whilst a woman may unconsciously adjust her straps several times a day without really being aware she doing so, a brassièred husband must ensure he is not being observed each and every time his straps need attention, and must not allow himself to get into the habit of adjusting them without thinking - Figure 4.6 highlights the dangers of doing so.

Bra straps are not alone in needing adjustment. A brassière can become uncomfortable if worn for any length of time, particularly in hot weather. It takes a degree of willpower to resist the urge to scratch an itch under the band of the bra, or to pull down underwired cups that have ridden up the chest. Although one may occasionally see a woman relieving such discomforts in public without thought for who may be watching her do so, this is a luxury that your brassièred husband does not have, and it is important that he should be aware of the perils of doing otherwise.

Marks left on the skin

Figure 4.7: The marks on my husband's skin provide undeniable proof that he has been wearing a bra. In this case, a closer examination of such impressions even allows one to deduce that it was an underwired brassière with detachable straps.

There is one tell-tale sign of a brassière that you will not see in public, however long you spend educating your husband by studying those around you, and that is the marks that wearing a bra for anything length of time leaves on the skin, as shown in Figure 4.7. The tighter the bra in question, and the longer it is worn for, the deeper the resulting impressions will be, and the longer it will take for them to fade. Until they have done so, such marks provide undeniable proof that your husband has been brassièred, however faint they may be, and there is little he can do to encourage them to go away any faster. Although no-one will ever notice them in the usual course of events, a little care should be taken to avoid your husband having an early morning doctor's appointment after spending the night brassièred, for example, or trying on clothes in public having only recently been permitted to take his bra off. Conversely, however, they may be used to your advantage, allowing you to tell at a glance whether he has really remained brassièred throughout the day at work, or whether his disobedience warrants being locked in a bra to ensure he does so next time.

How should he keep his bra wearing a secret?

A man who has been made aware of all the ways in which a brassière can become visible may be forgiven for believing it to be impossible to wear one without everyone around them noticing it immediately. Needless to say, this is far from the case - countless women, and indeed, many men, manage to wear a bra each and every day without anyone else ever knowing that it is there. Despite any protestations your husband may make to the contrary, there is no reason why he cannot join their ranks if he follows three simple rules:

If your husband's outer clothing does not keep his bra completely hidden in all situations, such that, for instance, the bumps from the strap adjusters become visible when he bends forward, you may choose to point this out to him and suggest that he simply avoids doing so whilst being observed. The constant vigilance that he must exert to avoid discovery, coupled with the resulting anxiety that he may be discovered if he does not maintain a complete awareness of how his actions affect the visibility of his brassière, emphasizes his bra discipline like nothing else, and is ideal for use as a punishment should he have acted particularly thoughtlessly or recklessly. A well behaved husband, particularly one new to wearing a bra, should generally be allowed to hide his bra well enough so as not to require such attention, however, although it may be more appropriate for a veteran bra wearer in the summer months if it is difficult to wear enough layers to guarantee his brassière could not be seen under any circumstances.

Despite following these rules, your husband may still be worried that everyone will be able to tell exactly what he is wearing under his shirt, particularly if he has yet to wear a bra in public on a regular basis. Such concerns are in a sense immaterial so long as your husband's bra is not objectively visible to those around him - indeed, it does his training no harm whatsoever for him to believe that his brassière is more visible than it actually is, keeping him on edge with the constant worry that his humiliating attire is just one moment away from turning him into a laughing stock.

Nevertheless, it is vitally important that your husband must not become a subject of public ridicule, and whilst there may be benefits in cultivating a slight fear of discovery, it is critical that his bra remains appropriately hidden at all times. Contrary to some of the more lurid stories to be found on the Internet, brassière discipline does not require public humiliation to be successful in any way whatsoever - it is the desire to avoid humiliation rather than the humiliation itself that makes it such a powerful technique. Whilst there are men who gain sexual gratification from exposing themselves wearing ridiculous humiliating outfits to random members of the public, generally to teenage girls and lingerie shop assistants, the twisted fantasies of such deviants are far removed from the loving practice of brassière discipline, and serve only to give a bad name to the vast majority of men who wear women's lingerie without expecting the general public to become involved in any way.

The extent to which your husband's brassière must remain completely hidden depends on two factors, namely the likelihood that anyone will notice it, and the implications that might come as a result of them doing so, both of which, in turn, depend on the situation in which your husband is to be brassièred. For instance, it is one thing for him to be seen clearly wearing a bra by a door-to-door salesman who he will most likely never see again. It is quite another for your husband to be caught wearing a bra by his boss, with whom he must work on a daily basis. It should be clear that much more effort must be taken to ensure his bra remains hidden at work, where it is essential that no-one should even begin to suspect its presence, than for a visit to a busy shopping centre where it does not matter if the odd passer-by gives the bumps of his strap adjusters a puzzled second glance. As for the door-to-door salesman, by invading the privacy of your own home, he asks for all he gets if your husband should answer the door wearing a heavily padded punishment bra!

On the whole, people are remarkably unobservant. Much of what they perceive is based on the context of that perception, and in general a bra is not something most people expect to see when they look at a man, and thus not something they will see unless they are already actively looking for it. Unless your husband's brassière is so painfully visible that it cannot be mistaken for anything else, any subtle indications of its presence that do show are most likely to be overlooked by the vast majority of passers-by. In the unlikely event that anyone does recognise the tell-tale signs for what they are, it is most likely to be someone already familiar with the idea of men wearing bras. This may be another woman who practices brassière discipline, a crossdresser, someone with a particularly acute eye for fashion, or perhaps even another man who wears a bra at the insistence of his wife. In all likelihood, they will do nothing more than smile knowingly to themselves, and your husband will be none the wiser. At worst, a random passer-by might snigger or make offensive comments in his direction, something that might sadly be expected if your husband were openly flaunting his bra, but most unlikely to result from just the bumps of his strap adjusters becoming fleeting visible.

Regardless of any protestations that your husband may make to the contrary, the best way for him to understand just how easy it is for a man to wear a bra in public is for him to simply get out there and do it. Once he has worn a bra in front of people without anyone noticing it, he will find he has no grounds for complaint should you expect him to start doing so on a regular basis.

How can I hide his bra straps more easily?

Figure 4.8: a) a bad choice for avoiding the bra strap bumps; b) a continuous design is the perfect solution; c) a strapless bra offers a reasonable compromise

Choosing the right kind of bra makes an immense amount of difference to the ease with which one can be hidden under clothing, particularly when it comes to the bumps caused by the strap adjusters. No matter how the straps are adjusted, the design of most brassières places the adjusters somewhere on the wearer's back, often with additional stitching or rings that can cause smaller secondary bumps. Some bras, however, feature a more continuous design of the straps, with the adjusters located on the chest, resulting in a much smoother back profile. Although one might imagine this merely moves the problem from back to front, in practice it makes a world of difference for the male bra wearer. As such bumps tend only to be visible when clothing is pulled tight across the body, a brassièred husband must bend backwards rather than forwards in order for them to appear, a movement that he is likely to make far less often. Moreover, he can immediately see the problem as it arises, and take action to counter it, something that is simply not the case when the bumps occur on his back.

Bras with a smooth back profile are sadly in the minority, and may prove difficult to source. It is well worth making the effort to do so, but if you cannot, a bra with detachable straps, often known as a strapless or multiway brassière, makes a good second best - Figure 4.8 illustrates the difference. Such bras allow the straps to be removed and reattached with the adjusters in a more convenient location. Although the hooks that attach the straps to the band of the bra may cause very slight bumps themselves, these are generally too small to be noticed. If you are concerned that your husband may choose to remove his bra straps entirely, there is no reason why they should not be sewn in place to frustrate him. It is also possible to modify some bras to relocate the strap adjusters, but this tends to require a lot of needlework in most cases.

Figure 4.9: a) rounded shoulders encourage the straps to fall; b) moving the straps helps avoid this; c) wearing them criss-crossed prevents any kind of slippage

Choosing the right kind of bra also affects the frequency with which your husband's bra straps are likely to fall off his shoulders and require awkward repositioning, something that is best minimised if he is to wear a bra in public on a regular basis. Brassières differ in their design, with some placing the straps nearer to the centre of the body than others, helping to reduce the likelihood of accidental bra strap slippage. Making either the band of the bra or the straps themselves tighter can help a little in this respect, but doing so runs the risk that the brassière may become visible in other ways, as well as making it more uncomfortable to wear. It is better to have a bra that does not suffer from slippage whilst still fitting well.

If you examine a bra with detachable straps, you will see that the straps hook onto the band of the brassière by means of short loops of ribbon sewn into the bra. It is relatively straightforward to add a couple of additional loops at the back of the bra, nearer to the clasp, allowing the straps to be attached in a choice of locations depending on how convenient you wish them to be. An alternative approach is to choose a multiway brassière, which has straps long enough to permit them to be worn criss-crossed over the back, as is shown in Figure 4.9. Not only does this have the advantage of preventing any kind of slippage, but it also changes the outline of the brassière under clothing, making the straps slightly less likely to be recognised at such.

As women also suffer from the problem of slipping straps, there are also a variety of contraptions available on the market designed to help keep them in place, including small shoulder pads, adhesive tape and additional bands. There is no reason why a brassièred husband should not avail himself of such products if, like the women they are marketed at, he too wishes to maintain his modesty when wearing a brassière in public.

How should he explain his bra if it is discovered?

If you and your husband follow the advice presented in this chapter, there is absolutely no reason why anyone should ever find out what you make him wear underneath his shirt, even if he is brassièred twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. By wearing the right kind of bra under the right kind of clothing, it is relatively simple and straightforward for a man to wear a brassière day in, day out without anyone ever suspecting it is there. Even if someone does find themselves wondering whether your husband might be wearing women's underwear, they are unlikely to confront him with such a suggestion - to do so would make for an awkward and embarrassing situation for all concerned, particularly if their suspicions turned out to be unfounded! Contrary to any fears your husband may have, no-one is going to ask him whether he is wearing a bra, let alone expect him to prove otherwise - most civilised countries have legislation against harassment and discrimination that should protect him from such abusive treatment.

If, by some horrendously unfortunate stroke of bad luck, your husband is caught red-handed wearing a brassière, there is no need for him to think of any elaborate excuse to explain his embarrassing attire - the truth is quite enough. He will undoubtedly be well aware of the reasons you have chosen to discipline him in such a fashion, and thus can honestly explain why you do so. A single sentence along the lines of “Ask my wife, she makes me wear a bra to keep me faithful” ought to be quite sufficient for a police officer or a paramedic, for example, who will no doubt have heard much stranger stories during the course of their duties.