he's the maid: Chapter 7: How can I deepen our relationship of mistress and maid?

How do I emphasise my position as mistress?

So far, we've focused on making your husband feel like your maid, but that's only half the story - he also needs to see you as his mistress, a woman whom he must go to any length to please, rather than one who merely happens to be there while he does the housework. Of course, you'll always be his wife, and to begin with, you may well be his mentor, but when he's wearing his maid's uniform, it helps for him to regard you as an authority who has always has the final say. A maid shouldn't talk back, let alone make trouble for the lady of the house, instead showing a respect that befits his subordinate position.

One way of stressing this is to insist that your husband addresses you in a more formal manner when he's your maid, eschewing everyday terms of endearment in favour of the honorifics a servant would use. Would a maid in a hierarchical house ever allow a sentence to reach the ears of one of her superiors without it being either prefixed or suffixed with a deferential “Miss”, “Madam” or “Mistress”? Such a title might serve as their sole input into a conversation, a submissive acknowledgement of an instruction not needing anything more. To make things a little more intimate, you might have your husband add your forename, again in the manner of a maid - “Yes, Miss Emily” - unless you would prefer to be referred to as “Mrs Masters”, or perhaps a more grandiose title, “Princess”, “Queen” and “Goddess” making increasingly strong points about how you should be worshipped and adored.

You can extend such formalities to the second person pronoun as well, having your husband replace at least one instance of the word “you” in any utterance with a respectful title. Although needing care not to sound cumbersome, the phrase “the lady of the house” may also be used to acknowledge your superior position. “Would the lady of the house permit me to take the tea things away?”, your husband might ask, seeking permission to perform something that's expected of him simply by dint of doing so in your presence. Indeed, you might have him take such deference one stage further by omitting mention of himself where possible, such that it is the tea things that are permitted to be taken away, the crockery you have used having higher status than the maid! Again, there are limits beyond which this becomes impractical, but such limits are down to you to decide, allowing ample opportunities for correction should you be so inclined.

A maid's need to show attention to detail should extend to what he says as well. It only takes a little thought to use polite language, with “please” and “thank you” being the least you should expect from your husband - even when he's acknowledging additional duties or accepting discipline. Any requests he might make can take the form of questions, seeking your approval rather than making assumptions. “Please, Mistress, I wonder if you could possibly move your feet for a moment, as I'd like to sweep around them” might convey a similar instruction to “Shift your feet, darling, I want to sweep there”, but the difference in respectfulness doesn't require further comment. A good maid never wants, but always would like, shunning definite terms in favour of potentials, with his very vocabulary serving to stress his submission. Even if your husband is one who likes to speaks his mind as a man, it's easy to address any deficiencies when he's your maid - simply provide more appropriate words for him to repeat should his initial attempt not meet with your satisfaction.

As the lady of the house, you don't want to be disturbed unnecessarily. To this end, you might prohibit your maid from speaking until he is spoken to, instead expecting your husband to wait until you deign to give him your attention - perhaps in particular circumstances, such as when you are reading, or even whenever he is dressed for service. If he has an issue that really requires your help to resolve, he can be taught to indicate this by adopting a ritual position, perhaps coming to stand a respectful distance in front of you and clutching his apron. Doing so will not only emphasise your relative positions, but also help him to develop patience and discourage him from bothering you any more than is absolutely necessary. When the choice is between waiting for you to finish your chapter and figuring things out for himself, he'll soon learn to do the latter, sparing you from having to concern yourself with the kind of minutiae that a maid is supposed to spare his mistress.

A curtsey is an undeniably feminine gesture even when it doesn't involve holding a skirt, with the way it acknowledges a difference in social standing making it even more appropriate for a male maid to adopt. You can have your husband do so every time he enters your presence, but also after accepting instructions and prior to departure as well. To begin with, his efforts will most likely be embarrassingly awkward, but he should be encouraged to persevere - as with any other skill, practice will make perfect. If necessary, instructional videos can be found online, some even featuring sissy maids. So long as your husband puts his heart into it, however, even a clumsy curtsey will serve as a gesture of respect, demonstrating his submission while deferring to your superiority.

It's unlikely that your house has bell pulls of the sort that would summon servants in a stately home, but that doesn't mean you can't call for your maid in a similar manner. A small hand bell will save you from having to raise your voice, let alone stand, its unmistakable ring serving as a signal that your husband should stop what he is doing and come and see what is required. You may want nothing more than to make sure he is keeping half an ear open while he takes care of the housework, or perhaps to perform an impromptu inspection, sending him away again once you're satisfied with his submission. Knowing that you might ring at any moment will stop your husband forgetting whom he serves, the prospect of earning your displeasure for taking too long to present himself ensuring that you'll never be far from his thoughts. Equally, a bell works just as well should you have your maid stand and wait on the other side of the door, putting him out of sight until you require a top-up of tea. Both modern and antique bells can be bought from online marketplaces for a modest cost, and can make for an interesting conversation piece on a coffee table if the fancy takes you.

How do I emphasise his position as maid?

Your husband will always be your husband, but throughout this book, we've looked at ways of helping him develop a different persona to do the housework, making him feel less like a man and more like a maid. When he's scrubbing the floor in an apron and dress, it's hard to think of him as the head of the house, with the sort of titles he might ordinarily answer to seeming incongruous. He might still be your sweetheart when he has his hands in the sink, but you may feel uncomfortable about using your usual terms of affection, especially if you're not turned on by the sight of him in a dress. How, then, should you refer to him?

The simplest option is to say what you see. “Maid” makes it clear what your husband is when he's wearing his apron, being easily used in place of his name to stress his submissive position. By itself, the appellation can be called across the house to summon your husband from wherever he may be working, or to demand his attention if he's making himself useful in your presence. In direct address, it can sound disdainful, giving you the air of an arrogant aristocrat who regards the names of mere servants to be beneath you, but that makes it particularly well-suited to delivering a reproach. Picture a downtrodden girl from a period drama, grovelling on her hands and knees as the woman towering over her tells her “When you've finally finished scrubbing that floor, Maid, I've boots that need cleaning!”, and you'll begin to understand what a devastating effect such a dismissive term of address can have on a man, particularly one who is used to routinely receiving respect by virtue of holding a position of power.

Its impersonality can be softened by taking possession, something that's sure to thrill any submissive man. “And how's my maid getting on with ironing my blouses?”, you can ask, emphasising how your husband's efforts are on your behalf. He's not just any woman's maid, but yours, with everything he does in his apron and dress being for your benefit. Alternatively, you can refer to his alter ego as just “the maid”, even when he's not serving as such. Relegating him to the third person also allows you to use female pronouns if you prefer, doing so drawing a very clear distinction between his two roles. “The maid's going to have a lot on her hands this week if you keep on making work for her like that”, you can tell your husband should he not show sufficient regard for cleanliness, even in company. Such a veiled reference won't mean much to anyone else, but it will make him think twice without you having to be more explicit.

To downplay the extent to which your husband must dress up, you can refer to his role as just “the cleaner”, “the housekeeper” or “the hired help”. In more private circumstances, he might be your “skivvy”, “char” or “scrubber” instead, terms which can be embellished to make them even more emasculating. “I love it when you're up to your elbows in soapy water, you humble scrubber”, you can tease, encouraging your husband to accept such an unmanly endearment with an affectionate caress as you come up behind him. Words such as “pretty”, “girly” and “cute” can replace or augment “humble” depending on how you want to make him feel, but you can equally use “sexy”, “saucy” or even “naughty” or “filthy” to help get your maid in the mood for more intimate service. Of particular note here is the set phrase “my little helper”, which can have a powerful effect on crossdressers whose fantasies feature a distinct age difference between them and their superior. For a more old-fashioned feel, consider outmoded titles such as “scullion”, “undermaid” or the delightful “maid of all work”.

A maid is a dish washer, a bed maker and a floor sweeper, so consequently may be referred to as such, even when he's not engaged in the activity in question. If a particular chore has proved a struggle for your husband to master, then he might find that becoming part of his title - either to praise him for having mastered it, especially if the only thing that was holding him back was his pride, or else to remind him that he has yet to become perfectly proficient. “Is my bra-washing maid nearly done?”, you can ask, leaving him little choice but to acknowledge how he has hand-washed your lingerie no matter what he might be doing, nor how he might answer. Such playful teasing needn't be permanent - indeed, you can make up a new name each time, turning it into a mirthful game. After all, being a maid, even a dishcloth wringing, duster flourishing, panty pegging toilet brusher of a maid is about making life more fun for mistress!

Along similar lines, you can highlight aspects of your husband's appearance or attire to address him by, expecting him to answer to “Petticoats”, “Stocking tops” or “Bra straps”, especially if he's careless enough to put any of those on display. If he has a weakness for a particular item of clothing, whether as a crossdresser who is desperate to wear it or simply a man who can't keep his eyes off certain garments, then repeatedly referring to him in such a way will make it impossible for him to forget how it features in his uniform. Does the brand of lingerie or hosiery you have him wear lend itself to a moniker, or might it amuse you to speak of him by his size? Both “Busty” and “Bee Stings” will bring a blush to the face of a man conscious about his false breasts, let alone the relevant numbers and letters, perhaps prefixed by “Miss” on those occasions you wish to take your husband down a peg.

It's not been that many years since working women could expect to suffer condescending terms of address as a matter of course, men casually referring to them by the likes of “Baby Doll”, “Sweet Cheeks” or “Tootsie” without care for their actual names. Outside of the closest of relationships, having to accept “Cupcake”, “Peaches” or “Sugar Pie” would be highly demeaning for a man, but being dressed a maid will take much of the sting out of such sexist pet names. No professional cleaner would countenance being called “Crumpet”, “Muffin”, or “Poptart”, but they certainly work as playful terms of affection, quite apart from cutting a man down to size should you need to criticise him. Whether you opt for an ironic “Princess” or prefer a patronising “Poppet”, there's plenty of choice even if you eschew cloying foodstuffs - “Boo Boo”, “Kitten” and “Snookums” all sure to have an effect on a man being told off or talked down to.

Should a male maid have a female name?

It's one thing to refer to your husband as “Maid”, perhaps even teasing him with a playfully ludicrous title on occasion, but quite another to give his alter ego a proper name of its own. For some women, that's a step too far, bringing about a similar unease to suggestions of engaging sexually with him while he's dressed. If that's the case for you, then you can quite happily skip this section, there being no need to call your husband anything if you're not comfortable with it. That being said, there are few more effective ways to separate man and maid than by giving the latter a different name, ideally one that carries appropriate connotations for the role it will be associated with.

A straightforward, but somewhat clichéd approach is to use a feminized form of your husband's regular name, or else something that sounds similar. That may mean no more than changing the ending, whether adding a feminine suffix or dropping parts to form a diminutive. George can thus become Georgina or Georgie, whereas Stephen can become Stephanie or Steffy, perhaps even Steffy Weffy, both offering a choice of formalities depending on circumstances. “What do you think you're doing, Stephanie?” carries a very different charge to “What are you doing, Steffy Weffy?”, each being profoundly capable of affecting any Stephen to whom they may be addressed. Although often sharing the same root, male and female forms may actually have different origins, with only the sound being the same, as illustrated by Alistair and Alice or David and Davina.

While this can work very well, it's fair to say that the results can often sound rather contrived, leaving you having to ask whether you want your maid to have a name that all but screams crossdresser. Indeed, you might prefer it to be very different to avoid any confusion, choosing something that, like your husband's uniform, puts him in mind of the servant he's supposed to be. That might see you inspired by a French maid's outfit to consider the likes of Fifi or Mimi, Suzette or Yvette. Might Chantelle, Giselle or Michelle have the foreign allure to accompany slinky satin and lace, or would Angelique, Cherie or Madelaine be more appropriate for skirts flared out with frilly petticoats? There's plenty more to choose from should you care to consult one of the countless lists to be found online, each conveying a feminine chicness perfect for making a man feel like a maid whenever he's called it - simply search for “French female names”.

Rightly or wrongly, many of the professional cleaners who work in hotels and private houses come from different counties to those they serve. If thinking of such maids brings to mind a particular nationality, you might consider names of a similar origin for your husband, making more positive use of the associated stereotypes. Might he develop a deeper respect for the work such women do when he's played the part of a Dolores, Imelda or Josephine? There's no denying the femininity of names such as Eleanora, Isabella or Rosalinda, nor the romance of those such as Benita, Henriqua or Juanita, yet a man who must answer to any of them will surely be more submissive as a result. Should you wish to give his maid's persona even more of a foreign flavour, have your husband acknowledge instructions with “Si, Señora” or “Oui, Madame”, perhaps even teaching him a few useful phrases - not least how to ask how he can be of service!

Old-fashioned maids benefit from old-fashioned names, encouraging old-fashioned courtesy and deference. You'll find plenty of inspiration thinking back to your grandmother's generation, if not before, with the likes of Ethel, Gertrude and Vera hardly conjuring up images of modern girls. Beatrice, Betsy and Bertha might all have been popular in the past, but today will take a man back to the times when housemaids knew they had to be humble and not shirk at hard work. If you fancy having fun with alliteration, as the author is only too wont to do, then why not call your husband Mabel, Matilda, Mildred or Maude? All may be prefixed with “Maid” to make a title that trips off the tongue, yet puts a pinafored man firmly in his place. Don't forget that even dated names can have diminutives, allowing for Florence to be shortened to Flo, Florrie or Floss and Dorothy to become Dot, Dottie or Dolly. If you're struggling to find something suitable, the Internet will again come to your aid - search for “1880s names”, or any other decade that's likely to offer appropriately antiquated appellations.

Some names are anything but gender neutral - you won't find Adam, Boris or John used as women's names, all being much too masculine. Conversely, those that are undeniably feminine will make a man feel more like a maid, with delicate names such as Alice, Cecily or Sophie likely to appeal to a submissive crossdresser thanks to their graceful softness. Your husband doesn't need to have a love of all things girly for names like Amy, Hannah or Melissa to make him feel less manly, however, with classic choices such as Charlotte, Elisabeth or Victoria equally capable of emasculating him. From Annabelle to Zoë, you'll find plenty of possibilities, both old and new, in lists intended for parents to be. Might your maid share one of the adorable diminutives that newborns so often attract? A grown man will certainly struggle to assert himself when he becomes Bella, Ellie or Beth, any such name doing its bit to deepen a submissive mindset.

A maid with a penchant for pretty dresses needs an equally pretty name, and what could be prettier than that of a flower? Daisy, Lily and Poppy all have a feminine freshness, whereas Holly, Rose and Violet have a more vintage charm. An idle walk through the garden of your imagination will yield many more ideas, with Briony, Daphne and Myrtle all ideal for a male maid, but you don't have to stay strictly floral to find something suitable - consider the likes of Hazel, Heather or Willow. To really stress a sissy's effeminacy, you might speak of him as Blossom, Buttercup or Petal, names that also double as terms of endearment even as they deny any last vestiges of masculinity.

If you'd rather something saucier to accompany your husband's shamefully short skirt and stiletto heels, why not turn to those names that are stereotypically associated with strippers? Whether Bambi, Candy, Crystal or Jade, you can provoke your husband with thoughts of pole dancers even while he's polishing the floor, the choices ranging from the suggestively exotic to the ludicrously unlikely. From Tiffany to Trixie and Lexie to Lola, you can have him clean with an alias better suited to an adult actress, making him feel sexy even when he's only working his way through the washing. Might your maid be Chardonnay while pouring you a glass of the same, or might you have him wear a contraption that explains why he's called Chastity? Even when it come to names, there's no need to be overly serious, so feel free to have a little fun here - perhaps by adding a ridiculous surname, to be used whenever he needs a stern talking to.

If your husband is a submissive crossdresser, he may have already given the matter of names some thought, such that you might simply ask him what he wants to be called when he's doing the cleaning. Not all sissies go so far as to give their feminine sides a separate name, but if your husband has, there's no harm in humouring his conceit so long as it helps get him in the mood for housework. Referring to him in female terms is only like having him wear a dress, serving to add distance between maid and man. Moreover, by using a particular term of address, you make it very clear which role you mean - so much so that you can refer to one while your husband is the other. “Don't forget Susie's coming tonight”, you can say, obliquely reminding your husband that he has chores to consider, even when he's discussing what he might do with friends. Conversely, “I wonder what's keeping Simon” will gently spur on the aforementioned Susie should he be slow to complete the housework when you have other plans.

How can I share our secret with others?

Cleaning is generally a very private affair, so much so that “to wash one's dirty linen in public” is an idiom dating back centuries. Nevertheless, some men who want to be maids harbour fantasies of serving not only their wives, but also other women, whether that means parading their petticoats at a party or slaving away scrubbing the floors of mistress's friends. Invariably, such fantasies revolve around them receiving attention, often of the humiliating kind we discussed with its underlying reasons in an earlier chapter. That's very different to the self-effacing, yet self-respecting model of a maid we've presented in this book, quite apart from being something that may not appeal to you. You don't want your husband to court disgrace, let alone risk ruining your own reputation by embarrassing himself in front of other people, any more than you would him sharing intimate details of your sex life.

Unlikely fantasies will most likely soon evaporate after your husband has experienced what it's really like to be your maid, but you needn't completely forget the idea of introducing his alter ego to your friends - even if you had to coax him into an apron to begin with. Looking back to the image with which we started this book, nothing says lady of leisure more than being able to sit back and chat while your servant provides tea and cake, his selfless efforts meaning you never have to worry about more than whether to have that extra slice. Quite apart from filling your friends with envy, you might want to let them in on your secret so as to be able to explore your feelings about having your husband serve as your maid with them, discussing the associated issues in the same way you might other aspects of your life. Some women are more open than others, with some friends keeping more from their spouses than they do one another, but a close relationship doesn't necessarily make such things easier to confide - as you may already know from your experience with your husband.

There's no going back once someone has seen your husband serving as your maid. Doing so will undoubtedly affect what they think of not only him, but you as well, meaning you should make sure that there'll be no unwanted repercussions before taking such a significant step - indeed you'll want to prepare the ground as much as possible. Turning the situation around, you might consider how you would react should an acquaintance invite you for dinner, only for her and her unattractive husband to answer the door unexpectedly naked. Without advance warning, you'd surely be taken aback, leading to awkwardness for all concerned - no matter whether you hesitantly followed them inside or hurriedly turned on your heels. Similarly, you wouldn't want a coachload of your colleagues to suddenly burst through the door while you were making love, your husband's suggestion that he thought it would be sexy to have an audience unlikely to mollify you - especially if you had to show your face in front of the very same people the following day in the office.

Before doing anything therefore, there are three things you should consider: to whom you might broach the subject, how you might go about doing so, and how your husband might feel about that happening. The latter is the easiest, the possibility being something you can idly tease him about in private, perhaps with a particular person in mind. “What would you say if my friend Sarah were to see you like that?”, you might ask, just as playfully as you might mention his stocking tops showing. You can paint a picture of the friend in question walking in at that very moment, regardless of whether he's doing something as mundane as the dishes, or making you happy in a much more erotic manner. A submissive crossdresser may stiffen at the thought, a reluctant maid more likely to shudder, but the question serves to start a conversation either way.

If your husband had to pick a few of your friends to invite to a tea party at which he was the maid, whom would he prefer to serve, and why? Are there people he would rather die than be seen in an apron and dress by? For many men, the latter group might be so broad as to include even complete strangers, but that doesn't preclude you from exploring his reasons, nor what might make the hypothetical situation less embarrassing for him. Would he still feel the same if he was allowed to serve tea in a shirt and trousers, or alternatively, had to stand in his maid's dress with his face to the wall? What if the guests were women he didn't know and would never see again, or else had male maids of their own and so wouldn't be at all surprised about what he might be wearing? What if they never actually saw him, only heard about how he dressed to do the housework? Would he be able to look them in the eye later, or would he still feel ashamed even if there was no subsequent mention of the subject? Such questions can be asked off-hand while he's making himself useful, or even afterwards, perhaps while you're rewarding him, with your discussion not needing to be deadly serious.

Your husband may need time to become comfortable with the suggestion of serving your friends, but even if his initial reaction is strongly negative, you can continue to playfully propose the idea to make it more familiar. Occasional teasing about implausible scenarios, perhaps presented as punishments, can be coupled with more realistic consideration of potential compromises to see even a reluctant man eventually come around - if you've already coaxed your husband into an apron, you'll already know how this sort of slow approach can pay off. Moreover, as we'll see shortly, his first introduction to your friends may not be as big a deal as he might fear, with the skill of serving others benefiting from being slowly developed as much as any other. The briefest of exchanges might be all that's involved to begin with, your maid having to do little more than pause his chores for a moment to greet a visitor. That's not too much to ask of a man who already makes you so proud, is it?

Before any of your friends ever find themselves welcomed into your house by your husband, however, they'll need to be let in on what he does for you behind closed doors. That should be regarded as a separate step in itself, one which may be sufficient if you simply wish to share your experiences or ask advice from other women. Although you may have a feeling for which of your friends are more adventurous and which more conservative, it's often impossible to know for sure - sometimes the seemingly most straight-laced of people have a wild side you might never have imagined, whereas those who appear to be open-minded may have unexpected reservations about certain subjects. Moreover, not unlike men, women who come across as either assertive or submissive in public can be quite the reverse in private, with the details of other people's intimate lives often coming as a complete surprise. Would anyone guess what you and your husband do?

Such matters are further complicated by needing to consider the relationship, if any, that the friends in question have with your husband. Do they see a lot of him in other contexts, perhaps as a result of living close by or having common interests, or do they only know him because he's the man you're married to? There's a world of difference between the woman next door, who you'll both frequently meet when you leave the house, and a work colleague or exercise companion who may not even have seen a photograph of your husband, even if you're equally close. Letting the latter know that you have your man do the cleaning in a maid's uniform won't make any difference to her non-existent relationship with him, but the former may have difficulty seeing your husband the same way once she knows he wears an apron inside. Of course, there's also your own closeness to consider - the best friend that you've known half your life is more likely to be a better choice to confide in than the co-worker you only share a business connection with, other factors notwithstanding.

Quite apart from the degree of courage required, daringly declaring that your husband wears a dress to do the chores carries a distinct danger of backfiring, such that it's not something to earnestly announce out of the blue unless you're sure it will be well received. Instead, it's better presented as a joke, a slightly outrageous, off-the-wall suggestion that can just as easily be laughed off as it can be developed further. If that approach sounds familiar, that's because it is - we suggested something similar when discussing how to introduce your husband to the idea of being a maid, and the principle here is the same. Again, the chance opportunities that often occur in conversations can be taken advantage of - a friend's casual grumble about how hard she finds it to keep the house clean might see you cheerfully telling her you haven't had to worry about such things since you got your husband an apron, or playfully proposing that she gets her man to lend a hand. Passing mention of men's insensitivities can be met with a light-hearted assertion that you're glad you married a man in touch with his feminine side, whereas the saucy gossip that some girls like to share can easily be one-upped by a slightly ludicrous tale of your husband scrubbing the floor in satin and lace. Are you serious, or just fooling around? You can take such suggestions either way depending how they're received.

Without time to think things through, a friend's first reaction may be based more on preconceptions and prejudices than careful consideration, seeing her making some of the same erroneous assumptions that we looked at in the first chapter of this book. She may wonder whether your husband is homosexual or transsexual, or perhaps question your own sexuality - are you a dominatrix who delights in degrading men, or even a closet lesbian trying to make the best of having mistakenly married a man? It's helpful to have answers to hand for the most likely misconceptions, as well as further details that you're willing to share should you find a friend burning with curiosity.

Conversely, some women may fall silent or swiftly change the subject. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're not interested, merely that they don't know what to say. Rather than risk making them feel uncomfortable, leave it to them to raise the matter again - something that may take days, weeks, or never happen at all. Unless a friend actively expresses interest in seeing your husband serve as a maid, leave any suggestion of her doing so until another time - you don't want her to feel obliged to accept an invitation out of politeness. You're merely mentioning an occasional game you play to start with, there sure to be plenty of opportunities to involve a friend further should she be keen. A casual comment about the chores is enough to enquire whether she wishes to resume the conversation at a later date.

How can my husband serve my friends tea?

Expecting an unprepared man to wait upon a room full of your friends is like asking him to clean the entire bathroom the very first time he wears an apron, with the challenges of the unfamiliar compounded by the nerves that even the most enthusiastic of maids is likely to feel. Like everything else your husband does around the house, serving your friends is best broken down into a series of smaller, more manageable hurdles, each being mastered before extended - all the more so for how any mistakes may reflect as badly on you as they will on him. Whether as a result of being turned on or terrified, you don't want your maid to show you up with shaking hands or a shameful stiffness - only the novelty of being served by a man should surprise your friends, apart perhaps from his practised proficiency as he makes your gathering more pleasurable.

With that in mind, there are two distinct aspects to consider. Firstly, there are the actual tasks that must be accomplished in order to accommodate guests - the preparing and pouring of tea, for example. These can be more complicated than they might seem at first glance, benefiting from formalised ritual rather than merely attempted ad hoc. Secondly, there is the fact that your husband must perform them in front of other people, being seen not only dressed as a maid, as might be the case at a costume party, but seriously undertaking such a submissive role. That can make even the simplest of tasks stressful for a man embarrassed about his emasculation, it ironically requiring significant balls for him to put his pride on the line. Fortunately, both aspects can be gradually developed, building up your husband's confidence and competence until he's unfazed by attending to the needs of even a whole party of your friends.

If your husband is especially nervous about being a maid around other women, you can gently introduce him to the idea by watching him do the chores while you chat with a friend on the phone. He won't have to worry about hiding his blushes when he can neither see, nor hear the other party, but you can still involve him more than he might like - whether by giving him the occasional command or correction, sharing details of what he is doing down the line, or even relaying your friend's thoughts back to him as he busies himself in front of you. From there, you might take the further step of having him work while you have company, but not involving him in proceedings in any way, leaving him with strict instructions to stay out of sight. His fears of being discovered may not see him do as good a job as he ordinarily might, but his initial anxiety should soon fade. If your friends are fully aware of the situation, there's no need to worry about any awkward surprises, with such an exercise also encouraging him to do things as quietly as he can - a useful side-effect!

Rather than expecting your husband to serve your friends straight away, it's better simply to introduce him to start with, ideally individually. That might mean asking him to present himself on their arrival, getting him used to the idea of having to greet guests before he returns to work. Alternatively, you can bring company with you when you pop in to check up on his progress, showing off your maid to your friend in the same way you might some new feature of your house. Either way, you remain in control of the situation, being able to bring it to an end should things be in danger of becoming awkward. You can reduce the risk of that by letting both parties know what to expect in advance, telling your husband who will be calling and how you know them, and perhaps showing your friend pictures to set the scene. These don't have to be of your husband, let alone be recognisably him - indeed, it's safer that they aren't, but photos of his uniform, or even something similar, will suffice to soften any surprise.

The sight of a man dressed as a maid may elicit amusement from some women, especially if he's engaged in a particularly unmanly activity. Having a friend treat your husband as a figure of fun may leave you with conflicting feelings, such that you may instinctively seek to defend the man you love even as you distance yourself from what he's doing or the way he's dressed. Equally, a friend may be full of questions, wanting to know details that may make you feel uncomfortable, whether about your husband or yourself. It's worth giving some thought to such matters in advance, considering what you're prepared to share and what should stay off-limits. Is your maid's underwear an appropriate subject for discussion, let alone its contents? What about the ways in which you motivate him, or any sexual aspects of him serving as your maid? As both mistress and hostess, you're perfectly placed to direct the conversation away from any areas of awkwardness, letting both maid and guest know what's acceptable. You can just as easily answer for your husband as you can leave something to him to answer, cutting things short or presenting them differently as required. A half-completed chore provides the perfect excuse to set your maid back to work, concluding the introduction in the process.

The visit of any guest begins with their arrival at your door, and ideally, your maid would be there to answer it. Depending on what can be seen by your neighbours, your husband may have to remain concealed, but he should still be capable of opening the door while dressed as a maid, even if that means hiding behind it until it's safely closed again. Any qualms he may have about doing so can be addressed by having him practise with you, perhaps choosing a time when there are less likely to be passersby or nosy parkers. You might pop out for no more than a moment, or choose to ring the doorbell when you come back from the shops, expecting your husband to invite you in just as he would a visitor. To avoid any misencounters, you can use a special sequence of rings to signal that it's safe for your maid to answer the door, or else have guests advise you of their arrival a few moments in advance by means of a quick message.

Once a visitor has stepped inside, your maid should enquire about taking any coat they may be wearing, then show them through to where you will be receiving them. Again, this is something you can practise with your husband in advance, perhaps pretending that the lady of the house is temporarily engaged as you take the place of one of your friends. Can he deal with disconcerting questions while also showing a guest through and attending to their coat before politely disengaging? A well-mannered guest would never intentionally fluster the man waiting upon her, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't, putting your husband through his paces until he can handle even an objectionable visitor with the humility and poise that a properly trained maid should be expected to possess.

Although tea can be made by pouring boiling water onto a bag that has been perfunctorily tossed into a mug, the resulting beverage hardly compares to that properly brewed in a pot. This seemingly everyday task can be elevated to the most intricate of ceremonies, with every aspect requiring a maid's absolute attention to perfect. From bringing out the very best china to preparing all the necessary accoutrements, there's a host of things for your husband to think about long before he begins to pour. Should he put out snacks such as biscuits, or go a stage further and make dainty little sandwiches or even bake a cake? Simply carrying a tray is a task that benefits from practice if he's not to announce his arrival with a clatter, the challenge of navigating through doors soon followed by the need to bring the tea things down to a table gracefully.

By the time he finds himself in a position to cater to your friends, your husband is likely to be very familiar with how you take your tea, but he'll still need to know how to ask other women about their preferences for milk and sugar. Courtesy dictates that they should be served first, but your maid will need to wait for a suitable gap in the conversation, it not being his place to interrupt if his appearance doesn't immediately attract attention. Again, this is something you can practise with him in advance, perhaps using your phone or the television to help teach him an appropriate level of assertion. Of course, your husband will need to be adept with all the trappings of making tea, knowing not only exactly how the pot pours, but also the milk jug, not to mention the correct use of strainer, spoons and sugar tongs. If he's in particular need of practice, the kind of pretend tea party beloved by girls will help get him up to speed. Being ready to graduate to real people will be a source of some pride for a submissive man, something which will reflect in his efforts subsequently.

A different kind of gathering might call for wine and cheese, but this requires no less attention from a maid. Glasses might replace cups and a bottle the pot, but your husband will still need to bring everything into the room, serve your friends and then adopt a suitably unobtrusive position until he is called for again. That might mean him coming to stand by the side of your chair or in the corner of the room, but it could equally see him curtseying to your guests before retreating to the corridor. Having to wait just outside the door will leave your maid acutely aware of his submission, but you can happily forget his presence, safe in the knowledge that he'll be unable to hear more than a murmur of your conversation even if you don't expect him to continue his other chores.

Your maid should be ready to spring into action again when your guests are preparing to leave, fetching any coats that he may have previously taken and helping your visitors into them as necessary. Some women may prefer just to have their coat proffered so they can put it on by themselves, but others will appreciate your husband holding their coat open, perhaps even taking pleasure from having him assist with its sleeves before he goes on to pull it up onto their shoulders - an act that's no less chivalrous for the man performing it being dressed as a maid. As well as being able to do so gracefully, your husband will need to learn to read body language, it going without saying that he should never make anyone feel uncomfortable with heavy-handedness. Once again, you can have him polish his skills long before putting them to the test, having him help you with your own coat should you be leaving the house. He doesn't need to be dressed the part in order to practise, although it's as well that he has experience in his uniform if what he wears might get in the way.

We've hitherto made little mention of your maid's appearance, but a formal tea party provides an ideal opportunity to bring out a fancy outfit should he have one. If you're not planning on having your husband do any other housework for the duration, there's no harm in allowing him to wear the kind of costumes that are ordinarily much too impractical for a maid. That will not only amuse the friends who find themselves being poured tea by a fairytale princess, but also make the prospect of serving them particularly appealing to any sissy with a love of extravagant satin and lace. Being allowed to wear prodigious petticoats, sheer stockings and sky-high stilettos may be regarded as a reward for such men, allowing you to insist on nothing short of perfect service to permit it.

Even if you have your husband wear a more humble maid's uniform, there should be nothing about it that can attract undue attention. Regardless of whether he was scrubbing a floor or just waiting behind the door before you called for him, he should take a moment to make sure his appearance is absolutely perfect before presenting himself, straightening skirt, apron strings, bra straps and stocking tops as necessary. Nor should there be anything untoward to be seen between his legs, however excited he may be at the prospect of serving other women. If he is prone to inappropriate stiffness, you might choose to have him wear control underwear, perhaps a firm panty girdle, or even a chastity device. No mention need be made of such measures to your guests, it being sufficient that your maid does not disgrace himself in their presence. Any discomfort he suffers will remind him that his own needs are secondary to those he serves.

How can my husband serve as a maid for longer?

It isn't difficult to keep your maid busy if you so choose - like other work, cleaning expands to fill the time available for its completion, such that it's possible for your husband to spend his every spare second as a maid and still not run out of things to do. New fronts can be opened in the never-ending battle with dirt as necessary, whereas existing tasks can be made more time-consuming, whether by insisting they're tackled more regularly or raising their requirements to ever greater extremes. For most couples, however, that's much too much - while the fantasy of full-time service might appeal to some submissive crossdressers, the reality of a life spent doing nothing but washing and scrubbing is as unattractive as being married to such a single-minded maid.

Nevertheless, you can consider having your husband serve as your maid for an entire day from time to time - perhaps just before or after special occasions such as your birthday or wedding anniversary, or else on a monthly or bimonthly basis. That might see him having to get up early, maybe after having spent the night in the spare room, donning his uniform as soon as he awakes so as to be properly dressed when you come down for breakfast - that is, if you don't have him treat you to it in bed. In between preparing lunch and dinner, the maid you're employing for the day can attend to less frequent chores such as de-icing the freezer or cleaning out the cupboards in addition to his regular responsibilities, it not needing you to do more than prepare a list in advance to ensure he has plenty to occupy him. You might forgive your husband the last few items should you feel he has made an adequate effort, allowing him to enjoy an evening of more intimate service, or merely bid him goodnight before he goes back to the spare room. He'll be a man again the next morning, but the twenty four hours he spends as a maid will be something he'll remember for much longer.

If your maid still has time on his hands, you might have him develop a more feminine deportment by consciously considering how he moves. Walking gracefully in heels requires practice, let alone to be able to do so with a book balanced on the head or while carrying a heavy tray. Rather than slumping, a male maid's posture should reflect the pride he takes in his position, benefiting from him pushing his bust forward and his buttocks back no matter how challenging any brassière or corsetry he must contend with. Whereas a man might instinctively spread his arms and legs, a maid should learn to keep his elbows tucked in and his knees pressed primly together, He might not spend much time sitting, but he should still know how to do so without falling foul of his petticoats, as well as being able to crouch and kneel without exposing anything he shouldn't. A full-length mirror will provide adequate feedback in your absence, allowing you to send your maid away to practise for a while prior to showing his improvement.

You might permit your husband to take a break on the proviso that he spends the time reading women's magazines, clothing or cosmetic catalogues. Doing so will give him an appreciation of female matters beyond the stylised world of the maid, with the knowledge he gains of contemporary trends and fashions something you can call upon when you next go shopping or simply want his opinion on an outfit. The distortions inherent in such publications can be addressed by asking him to consider their contents critically, perhaps by deconstructing advertising copy or assessing offerings in terms of value for money or utility. Having to work his way through pages of lingerie in search of garments in a less common size or with particular characteristics is sure to challenge a man more used to just looking at the pictures, regardless of whether he has to wear similar himself! Alternatively, why not have your husband study one of the vintage maid's manuals to be found on the brassièred website? Even a brief glance at what girls of bygone days had to do by hand will make him thankful for the all the labour-saving devices a modern maid is able to avail himself of.

An embroidery or needlecraft project makes a nice way of occupying both a maid's hands and thoughts while he is waiting for his mistress to call, being capable of being put down and picked up at a moment's notice, yet nevertheless demanding continual effort if he's to make progress. Such a feminine pastime is compatible with even the most extravagant of outfits, making it perfect for the sissy permitted to wear a fancy uniform for serving tea. Rather than having to stand in the corner until his services are next required, your husband can take a seat, albeit perhaps a lower and less comfortable one than yours, and work on his cross stitch. Kits containing everything required can be purchased to suit any skill level, with the results of this productive hobby not only suitable for framing, but also turning into an attractive table runner or cushion.

If you appreciate the submissiveness that serving as your maid brings out in your husband, but don't want him to wear an apron and dress all the time, you might have him wear panties or even a bra at times when he's off duty too. The latter is especially effective at influencing a man's state of mind, its tightness around the chest impossible for him to forget no matter what he might be doing, but a bra is still reasonably straightforward to conceal beneath regular clothes. For more details of how you can use lingerie to encourage your husband's submission both at home and at work, see the books brassièred: a complete guide to brassière discipline and put him in panties.

he's the maid